The mighty Captain Usopp's wonderful journey
by Dancing Mask
Summary: A werewolf? A vampire? And why the heck is Zoro a girl? Wait, who cares about that. Why the heck is Perona here? Usopp finds himself stranded in a world different from his own, on a Thousand Sunny heading backwards through the Grand Line. AU
1. Unexpected

**Disclaimer: One Piece isn't mine, even in another dimension. I told myself I wouldn't say such an unimaginative disclaimer, considering the subject… I promise to do better next part xD**

The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 1- Unexpected

Usopp landed heavily. Quickly thinking, he decided to scout the area out in the most careful, safe way imaginable. After all, he didn't know where he had landed yet. Pretending to be dead, he laid there for quite some time, analysing his surroundings. Wooden deck, the familiar sound of waves against the prow- this appeared to be their ship. But it couldn't be, could it?

Last he had known, that giant bear-freak Kuma had attacked him, and scattered the crew with his powers. Where were the others, if they'd been hit? Frowning, he realised the 1000 Sunny was currently on the ocean . . . had someone stolen it and tried to sail off? Those bastards! Wait 'til he told Luffy, Zoro and Sanji about this, he grumbled.

In all his fury, he didn't realise he'd gotten up, breaking the cunning illusion that he was dead. However, as no one had been around to notice his landing, it didn't really matter. Approaching the front, or 'bow' of the ship, as experienced sailors such as himself called it, Usopp searched. They sure had sailed fast . . . there was no island in sight in any direction!

"Hey Usopp, what's up?" asked a familiar voice.

"Luffy!" Usopp hugged the rubber boy, thrilled to see him so soon. Luffy and Nami were just standing near him, as if nothing was wrong!

"Woah, what's up?" Luffy stepped backwards, weirded out by his sniper's sudden outburst.

"And what happened to your hair?" asked Nami curiously.

_They're so calm- what's happened here? There's no way they found each other and set sail so soon, especially without me and the others. Particularly me,_ Usopp mused.

"Hey guys . . . ," He began, his voice casual.

"What's been up lately? The last few days, I mean."

"Hmm?" Luffy looked slightly dense, focussed on picking his nose. Nami hit him lightly on the shoulder, before answering the question.

"Nothing much. Just sailing and relaxing after our last adventure. But seriously, what happened to your hair? It looked better with the afro."

_Nothing's happened lately! It's like we never landed at the Shabondy archipelago in the first place . . ._ Usopp thought furiously, mind panicking. He answered Nami's strange question about an afro automatically, his mouth telling the lie easily.

"I was fishing out back, and accidentally hooked a sea beast. Fortunately, I choked it with my afro, saving my life in a heroic feat of ingenuity."

"Ohh… you looked better with the afro. Stronger."

"Well, it was that or drown," he nodded, barely listening at this point. It was like they'd never met that freak with the bible in his hand . . . Could he be in a parallel dimension?

"Well, see ya. We're gonna go make out in my room," grinned Luffy, before Nami elbowed him in the side. Usopp stared in shock, horror, and amazement as she kissed his side better, playfully pulling him away.

He really was in a different dimension.

"Oh man, I don't think I can handle this- I just remembered I have I-can't-be-in-a-different-dimension-or-else-I-die disease. . . ." Usopp sank to his knees, trying to comprehend what he had just seen. Absorbed with each other (it felt wrong just thinking it), Nami and Luffy continued down below deck, not noticing the shivering or wracking coughs coming from poor Usopp, both of which were sure symptoms of I-can't-be-in-a-different-dimension-or-else-I-die disease.

After some time, Usopp decided to get up, hoping to find something that proved him wrong about the other dimension thing. Maybe the others were just messing with him, that's all. It wasn't like they had different powers, or an extra head or something. A few minutes after he had decided to get up, Usopp was poked with the end of an ornately-hilted samurai sword.

"Hey. Quit loafing in the middle of the ship."

"Zoro? Is that you?" Usopp looked up eagerly, tears streaming from his eyes . . . before curling into a ball again.

"I didn't see that . . . I didn't see that . . ." he muttered to himself.

"Did you catch a peek at something, you pervert!" Zoro kicked out at him with her boot in frustration. That's right. Her boot.

Standing before him, with that same glare, short, spiky green hair and 3 swords, it was undoubtedly their swordsman. But she- he- _it?_ was wearing knee high boots, along with an old-fashioned loose yukata, that unconventionally ended mid thigh.

"No, no, no, I saw nothing . . ." he quivered, even more afraid of Zoro (Zorolina?) then usual.

"Damn right you did." She continued across the boat, before settling at the end for a sleep, arms behind her head. Usopp stood still the whole time, debating jumping overboard before he met anyone else on the boat.

One eye opening lazily, Zoro glanced back at him.

"Hey, didn't you have that afro before?"

"Oh, that was taken apart at the last island for cleaning. I haven't bothered putting it back together just yet, that's all," lied Usopp smoothly. He didn't even notice he was lying that time, due to years of practice.

Zoro frowned slightly at the explanation, before yawning widely and going back to sleep, deciding her sleep was more important than whatever he was talking about.

Usopp went around the main cabin, searching for Chopper's hut. Good old Chopper, his buddy. He couldn't have changed much, right? More importantly, the crew's doctor was the only person with a small chance of knowing something about dimension travelling, considering how many scientific journals he read. It was a slim chance, but then so was Luffy's of becoming Pirate King, if you asked him.

Hey, someone had to be realistic around here.

Knocking on the door tentatively, Usopp listened for a reply. No answer. Checking the room, it looked the same as always; books, an operating table, a miniature cherry blossom bonsai in the corner . . . all sans Chopper himself of course. He wasn't sure to be relieved or worried- Chopper was clearly similar to his usual, sane self, if his room was the same. But the fact he wasn't there meant he could be stuck here even longer . . .

A throat was cleared behind him. Turning, he saw Robin, dressed like usual in pants and a tank-top. Smart, dependable, Robin . . . if anyone had an idea how to help him, it was her, right?

"Wat 'choo lookin' at?"

Oh dear.

"Um, hey Robin. Have you seen Chopper around?"

"I ain't seen tha deer, nope." She sounded . . . different . . .

"Oh, okay. Well, maybe you could help me. See, I, uh-"

"Spit it out or leave." In this light, she even looked a little different . . .

"Um, well, have you ever read anything about dimensions?"

"Pfft. Read? Wut you take me for?" Yep.

"Robin . . . are you black . . .?"

"That's black ghetto bitch to you." She grinned, her outlook completely different from the shy, gentle Robin he once knew.

"Hey, and what happened to tha fro? Was almost cool on you."

_Is that the only difference I had in this dimension or something?_

"Chopper wanted to dissect it, for study or something. I think he wanted to see if he could give us all afros, you know, to power up the team." These lies came like second nature to him, or even first nature. Reflecting, it was fortunate that he was the one who had travelled to another dimension- none of the others would have been able to blend in so easily, with his magnificent lying ability.

"Hmm . . . I could see myself in a 'fro. Not bad."

"So . . . you don't know anything about another dimension or universe that might help me?"

"Nope. Even if I did, it'd cost ya," grinned Robin, casually looking at her nails on one hand, as she folded her arms, put her hands on her hips, gave him a 'talk to the hand' gesture, and flipped him the bird a couple of times.

Together, it didn't look nearly as threatening as she probably thought it did.

Usopp sighed, and went further down the ship, ending up in the kitchen.

"Hey Sanji." He crossed the room, staring moodily out of a porthole at the ocean. As far as he could tell, their previous kitchen had been below sea level, so the boat was obviously different as well.

Sanji greeted him distractedly, stirring two pots and one frying pan as he did so.

"Guess your cooking's gotten busier with 9 people around, huh?"

"Ten, you mean." He muttered, chopping some tomatoes while stirring with one foot.

"Wait . . . did you say ten?"

Usopp felt yet another stone settle in his stomach, and hung his head out of the window. Sanji just seemed busy, meaning his difference in this world might be more subtle. At the very least, it was reassuring to see someone hadn't changed completely on this twisted boat. Like seeing a familiar face…

Hearing the door bang open, Usopp was treated with yet another encounter with Zoro (Zoroette?).

"Hey, are you done yet? I'm starving."

"It'll be done when it's done," grunted Sanji.

"Who's the one who caught that fish, chef boy?" Zoro glared. Deeper than usual, I mean.

"If it wasn't for me, you'd be eating it raw, marimo, so sit down and wait."

They were treating each other like normal! Usopp felt relief flow through his body as they fought over dumb things. It really was the same old Strawhats deep down inside . . .

"Yeah? Why don't I put you in your place, big boy?" she unsheathed one sword threateningly.

"Go ahead and try it, as long as you don't break a nail!" Sanji smirked. The food was left behind, starting to burn as they stared each other down. Before, to Usopp's utter disgust, making out furiously.

All sound and intelligent thought was washed from his mind, as he threw up copiously out of the window. Seeing Luffy act coupley . . . that had been weird. But these two- it was so wrong, and unnatural, and vile . . . he threw up again, his throat retching until he couldn't any more. Far below him, a merman swimming in the easy wake of their ship gave him the finger, narrowly avoiding his projectile disgust.

"Some things, you should never see . . ." Usopp resolved to get out of this freaky dimension as soon as possible. Still staring straight out the window, in an attempt to block out the noises behind him, Usopp didn't notice the person behind him.

"At it again, are they? Geez, they're _so_ sloppy."

Wait. That voice . . . he stiffened, wondering how the heck _that person_ had gotten onboard the boat. Surely it couldn't be . . .

"Guess who?" Soft hands were placed over his eyes, as someone sidled behind him on the chair.

"No way," Usopp's eyes went wide. Sanji was right- there was a tenth crew member . . .

**A/N: Can anyone else spot my subtle anti Zoro x Sanji views? Sorry if you like that stuff, but I'm not going to be seriously using that pairing, or any other, for more than comedy purposes here. How very mean of me, leaving it at a mini-cliffhanger to get you all back . . .**

**Criticism is encouraged, as this is my first comedy larger than a oneshot. Hopefully I'll update again within the week~**


	2. My boat is not your boat

**Disclaimer's go here, if can I think of one explaining I don't own One Piece in a witty enough way.**

The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 2- My boat is not your boat

"Guess who?" Soft hands were placed over his eyes, as someone sidled behind him on the chair.

"No way…" Usopp's eyes went wide. Sanji was right- there was a tenth crew member now…

"Miss me?" Perona hugged him from behind, as Usopp's life flashed before his eyes. The gothic-dressed girl who had nearly defeated them back on Thriller Bark and hated Usopp with a passion… what was she doing here?

Luffy and the others didn't stand a chance… Usopp quickly and decisively thought of several strategies to get his team-mates to safety, which might enable him to defeat her without causing the ship any harm, with a cool and clear head like usual.

"Um… Usopp-kun? Is something wrong?" Perona turned her head sideways, looking at the boy curiously. He was making a strange choking noise, his eyes were blank, and his nose had started running… and he hadn't moved in quite a while.

"Usopp-sop?" She kissed him on the nose lightly (it was hard not to, considering its size), snapping him out of his shocked stupor.

"H-hey! What are you doing here?"

"Wondering about you, silly. Has something happened?"

"Wh- what . . . ," Usopp stammered, losing the ability to make complete sentences at this point. The day had just been too much of a shock to his system, considering he had been fighting for his life in the Shabondy Archipelago before all this. And so he fainted.

When he awoke, he was in a garish room filled with stuffed plush toys, pink walls, and doilies under everything. Looking around slowly, Usopp quickly deduced that this just might be Perona's room. Taking into account Sanji's comment on having ten crew-mates here now, he realised she must be on their side, and have joined the crew. That was a good thing, right?

But then he recalled the way she had acted around him, including the nick-names and the kiss on his nose, shivering. That… wasn't a good thing. Getting out of the overly soft, heavily-pillowed bed, he suddenly caught sight of the girl, flinching. Where had she come from! Her outfit camouflaged her in this room, preventing him from noticing her lying right next to him. She was dressed entirely in black, white and bright red clothes, including stripey socks and a mini skirt, which showed off her midriff.

"Oh, you're up now dear?"

"Um, yeah, I am," stammered the cowardly sniper. "Could you help me out with something, just for a sec?"

"Of course, _anything_ for you," winked Perona, an underlying tone in her voice alarming him.

"Well, uh, see, I think my memories been addled lately, what with shaving off the afro."

"Hmm? Oh!" A shocked Perona put her hands over her mouth. "Your afro! You finally shaved it off!"

_She didn't notice something like that?_

"Yeah . . . anyway, I think with so much hair rooted in my brain, my memory's gone all fuzzy. Could you help me remember some things?"

"Oh Usopp!" Perona dived out of the bed, hugging him tightly. "You got rid of that icky hairball for me, didn't you?"

Usopp nearly fainted again at the contact, her warm body pressing against him in a way he wasn't used to. Blushing furiously, he tried to pretend she wasn't there- he had barely gotten used to the idea she wasn't trying to kill him yet.

"Yeah, but the thing is, I think it's made my head go a little funny, and I don't want to be embarrassed in front of the others. Could you . . . remind me about the crew?"

"Hmm?" She looked up at Usopp innocently, smiling. "Of course! What don't you remember?"

_Thank goodness, I forgot how naïve she is. This should work . . ._

"Right, well, lets see. Luffy's still our captain, right?"

"A-huh. He's the reason we're all here!"

"Of course. And . . . we're in the grand line, on the Thousand Sunny, correct?"

"Yep!" Well, that was relief. At least he wouldn't have to re-learn the islands and waters again- he barely remembered Nami's original explanation of how the logpost worked.

"So . . . what's the name of our swordsman again?"

"Hmm? You mean Zoro?"

"Yeah. He-she, still goes by her last name then?"

"Yep. She doesn't really like the sound of Rinoah, after all." Rinoah Zoro? It had barely changed, remarked Usopp. Well, this was helpful. So, what else should he ask her? It would be too hard to ask 'had anything changed' about the others like Franky and Chopper, seeing as that was a normal part of their personality here. He considered checking to see how Perona had joined them, but he got the feeling she would be upset if he forgot something like that.

"We're . . . (he gulped) still together, right?"

"Of course! I'm so glad you didn't forget that, dear!" Usopp felt weak at this turn of events. She really was dating him . . . . Perona was the toughest person he'd ever defeated, and if she was annoyed all of the others could be in danger from her depressing ghosts . . .

Despite how nice she seemed now, he didn't know if he could 'date her'. It wasn't the deceit that bothered Usopp- he was a world-famous liar, with fans around the globe after all, and he barely thought of the people here as real. In fact, he was almost counting on it, this dream taking place while he recovered from a heroic battle.

But even with no qualms about tricking Perona or pretending to date her, it did feel a little wrong. Usopp couldn't help but think of Kaya, and how she was waiting for him back home . . .

Plus, he was really inexperienced with these things.

"Well, let's go up, I think I can smell diner!" She pulled him by the hand, as Usopp gathered his thoughts. It took a little while, as there were many of them (he was incredibly smart, like always). Not because he was feeling dumb-founded, or slow, of course.

"Did I miss lunch?" Usopp questioned.

"Nah, it wasn't worth the trouble- it was all burnt."

"But Sanji never screws up! Er, right?"

"No, he is a good cook . . . ," Perona smiled oddly. "Unless Zoro is nearby."

"Ohh . . . ," Usopp made a retching noise in agreement, making her laugh.

Along the way, they passed an open room.

"Hey, guys, can you help me out?" Franky's voice boomed.

"Hmm? Sure, what's up-" Usopp paused mid-sentence. Franky was inside a plain, unfurnished room, chained against the wall. Giant silver bolts held him tight, to the point he couldn't even move his neck.

"I'm starving! Can you bring me back a sandwich or something later? That'd be super."

"Wh-wh-why are you chained up?"

"Hmm? Dude, it's the full moon. Remember?"

"Um, I think I forgot something again . . . ," Usopp clung to Perona's arm, hoping he hadn't gone insane.

"How could you forget something like this? Franky's been a werewolf for months now, silly!"

At which point a small piece of Usopp felt like running. Very far away. How did they escape a werewolf on such a small boat! How was Franky one, if he was part cyborg! Was anyone else here bitten! He snapped out of his latest panic attack in time to hear Perona laugh off something, and to register Franky's now all-too expected question about his missing afro.

"I'm just wearing an extremely well-made hair net, that's all. Can't you see it?"

"Usopp! Cut it out," giggled Perona, who seemed to enjoy his stories.

"Well, I guess we'll bring some food over later, Franky. Uh, see ya," was his response, as he briskly walked away from the room. The thought of Franky trying to eat him was slightly terrifying. There was probably a story behind how he had been transformed, but Usopp really didn't want to hear it.

At the finely polished dinning table, most of the others had already gathered. Luffy and Nami occupied one end, with Robin, Zoro, and Chopper all waiting along the table. As Sanji was preparing the food, and Franky was still going to be chained up until the next morning, that only left Brooke somewhere else. Steeling himself as he sat next to his buddy Chopper, Usopp noticed he looked exactly the same as always.

"Hey Chopper, how have you been?"

"'ow you say, gut?"

"Argh!" Usopp flinched backwards, hearing a very strange man's accent from the little reindeer boy. He'd never heard anyone like that before . . .

"So, uh, how about that medicine, huh? Study anything good . . .?" Usopp babbled, alarmed when Chopper replied.

"Ist verry going vell," Chopper spoke lowly. "Correction if missing, but you is having der afro before?"

"Yeah, I is, I mean I did have it. They're like hermit crabs, very tricky to tame. My afro finally found someone else to live with, and I've been stuck with ordinary hair since. What d'ya think?" He smiled when Chopper's eyes danced in amazement, believing him completely.

_Phew! So he's exactly the same as always, just with an accent? I can deal with that,_ thought Usopp optimistically. Little did he realise exactly how extreme the differences were between Chopper in his world and now… just as he was about to ask about parallel universes, and if Chopper knew anything that could help him, Usopp noticed Sanji serve their meal.

"Fantastic as always!" Nami tucked into some sushi made especially for her with a flourish, as Luffy laughed in between bites of meat. _Did Sanji still flirt with Nami? That can't be right . . ._ puzzled Usopp.

"Yo, pass tha taters, sniper-boy." Usopp looked around in confusion, not recognizing the voice, until a perfectly manicured hand flew out of the tabletop, forcing him into a headlock.

"I said pass the taters! A'ight?" Robin glared.

"I don't know what they are! Help!" Usopp struggled against the arm, as Chopper and Perona squealed in worry from both sides of him.

"That's how she says potatoes, Usopp." Grumbled Zoro, sliding them across.

He sighed in relief as the arm retreated, slightly shaken.

"Thanks, Zoro." The green-haired girl said nothing, simply trying to eat her stir-fry in peace. Usopp was struck by how _unnerving_ it was to have someone so like the swordsman he knew here, but so different in appearance. Her hair was short and spiky, possibly shorter than his own. She was slight, but had obvious muscle on her exposed arms, and was actually quite pretty despite the glare. Somewhat fortunately, her bust was nowhere near as moon-like as Nami's, at a somewhat normal size.

"Hey, how long 'til the next island?" asked Luffy suddenly.

"There's no way of knowing- this path is uncharted, remember?" explained Nami.

"Wait, this is new waters? Where are we headed then?" Usopp spoke up.

"Geez, can't any of you think? We just left the Shabondy Archipelago, and this is the next place the log post is pointing to. If we want to get out of the Grand line, we have to follow the log post. Have you forgotten everything."

"Wait . . . 'get out of the grand line?' What's she going on about?" Muttered Usopp to himself. Fortunately, Perona heard him and assumed he was asking her, answering him in a hushed whisper.

"Did you forget that too? Dearie, we're all together because we want to escape the Grand Line, remember?"

"Oh . . . of course." Well, that was certainly different.

His shock levels were mildly tested once more as Sanji lit up a joint on the table, smoking it contentedly after his meal.

"Are you smoking near us _again_, chef-boy? What have I told you about that?" demanded the higher-pitched Zoro.

"Hey- my table, my rules. If the captain ain't fussed, no one can stop me chillin' out for a sec." Sanji emphasised his point, blowing a cloud of purple smoke into Zoro's face.

_Wait, purple smoke? What exactly is he taking?_ Thought Usopp, wrinkling his nose at the powerful smell. Zoro was yelling at Sanji again, shielding her face with the sleeve of her yukata, as Nami tried to get in between them.

"Yo, pass me a roach while you're at it."

"Sure thing, Big Robin." Sanji caved in instantly for the woman like usual, who pocketed it for later. She still had enough sense to not light it up in front of the others, considering how disapproving Nami and Zoro were on the subject.

Usopp was somewhat interested to see their reactions on this- the topic of drug use wasn't something he knew much about. From Chopper's comments, he seemed against them as well, and continued to try to give Sanji some tablets that helped him recover from his highs more quickly. Robin enjoyed the occasional weed, but rarely enjoyed it with Sanji in case her boundaries were lowered too much. Someone mentioned Franky didn't touch that stuff, and that Brooke couldn't smoke like he was, although no one mentioned where Brooke was right now. So . . . Sanji was a dope-head here?

Luffy put a stop to the argument, slamming his rubbery leg across the whole table.

"Alright! Sanji can do what he wants, but he leaves you guys out of it. Smoke outside, or in your own room, alright?"

"You're just saying that 'coz of Nami-chan not enjoying them with me!"

"Hey, that's not fair! Take that back!"

"Whipped," muttered the blond cook.

"Fine! If your smoking messes with another battle, or your cooking starts to stink because of it, I'm throwing all of your stash overboard!"

"Like hell you are!"

"Hey who's captain around here?" Luffy stood up, starting to get pissed.

"Fine . . . ," Sanji sauntered off, stumbling slightly.

"Do not be fighting!" Squealed Chopper in his bizarre loud voice.

"Guys, stay happy!" Perona insisted.

Usopp felt oddly out of place- it seemed like the whole crew were used to fights about Sanji's drug habit. Luffy had gotten angry almost immediately, despite his usual happy-go-lucky-go-stupid demeanour, suggesting fights about this were frequent.

As far as Usopp's own opinions, he guessed it was wrong, but he didn't know if Sanji was nasty when high or buying them illegally or anything. Besides, he was scared of saying the wrong thing, and annoying one of the others.

Luffy ate another fish whole, while Nami whispered in his ear, and he seemed to relax a bit more. Sighing, and patting his finally-full stomach, Luffy left to use the bathroom. Zoro went for a snooze, while Nami was after a bath. Chopper and Robin reminded Usopp that his turn to watch Franky was later that night, after both of theirs.

"What do you mean, watch him?"

"He's turning, fool. Nami did a list wit shifts, ta make sure he don't eat off our faces at night."

"I thought he was chained up!" Usopp's voice went up several octaves.

Robin merely shrugged, prompting Chopper to explain.

"Is unsure, chain hold or no. Ist best to be safe, yes?"

"Um, yeah, I guess. He is kinda strong . . . ," Usopp muttered. Checking the list, he found out he had to wake up at three in the morning to sit with Franky, until sunrise when he would turn back. Oh, that was great . . .

Dragging his feet across the boat, Usopp really, really wished he was back with his crew. Things seemed to be spiralling out of control, and fast. They were headed _from_ the grand line, with a werewolf, he apparently had his deadliest rival as a cheerful girlfriend, and he still had no clue how to return out of this dimension. As Chopper had headed straight to watch over Franky for the first shift, (with sandwich in tow), Usopp couldn't bring himself to talk about dimensions with the young reindeer just yet. The more time with a werewolf, the more chance of dying, he steadily believed.

As Perona left his side to head to her room, she kissed him lightly, mouth-to-mouth. Usopp felt his face redden, not expecting the touch so suddenly.

"Are you okay? You seem all out of sorts, like Bearsy on a good day."

"No, I'm fine, really . . . just still feelin' the afro thing, really."

"Okay. Thankyou for that, again." Perona looked at him, her face uncomfortably close. He'd never noticed how tall and thin she seemed.

"Well, I should get some sleep, I have to uh, guard Franky later. See you in the morning!" Usopp made a hasty retreat, sweating. Could he really keep this up? Someone was bound to notice he wasn't their Usopp soon . . . what would happen to him then?

**A/N: Everyone who knows me would have seen this coming; Perona's my favourite non-strawhat character in the series. I should warn anyone who doesn't like Usopp x Perona right now that I'll focus on it a little more later on. **

**Now accepting any ideas for cameos, such as a lesbian Boa Hancock, or a bikie Jimbei (neither of which are actually happening, rest assured). If I haven't already planned out a character, I'll happily use any good ideas you PM me with. Now, onwards to the werewolf action!**


	3. Well, it beats cardio

**The disclaimer of the century! No money made! No ownership pretended! Everything here, Eiichira Oda's! Friendship! Hot-blooded doki doki excitement young strawberry action for great victory! **

The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 3- Well, it beats cardio

Usopp sighed, staring at the ceiling. He was currently lying on his hammock, hands behind his head, as he tried to think rationally. The good news was, this room was truly his own, even if it wasn't his. The desk was littered with small gadgets and dials, including a few new ones he itched to take a look at. The bag in the corner housed all of his spare bullets and stars, and the kabuto slingshot leaned against the wall as usual.

Granted, the perverted magazines hidden had different covers, and there was a surprisingly large number of toilet paper rolls in the closet, but it was still his room. But as reassuring as this was, he couldn't stay long. He was scheduled to guard Franky, who had become a werewolf, somehow, later this night. Considering Usopp's odds of beating the panty-clad cyborg on a regular day, a lupine, fanged version of Franky ought to beat him faster than a shichibukai, he worried.

That was the immediate priority. Then, once he was alive for sure, he would try and find a way out of this dimension. If Chopper knew nothing, his only other option would be to try and find that scary Kuma man, he decided. Granted, that path could lead to his own death (that guy was huge!), but if his power had sent Usopp into this dimension, it could certainly get him out of it. Rolling over, and nearly falling out of the hammock in the process, he tried to get some rest. It wasn't going to be an easy day . . .

As a small snail-clock rang at him just moments later, Usopp realised he had spent the entire night thinking, instead of sleeping. Damn, that wasn't helpful. Still, he got some sleep in Perona's bed earlier, he supposed. Rubbing his eyes, he got up and dressed. Brown overalls, a yellow under shirt, and boots . . . yep, these were his clothes alright. Noticing something else in the wardrobe, he gladly hid a small item into his pocket for later, smiling.

He quietly wandered below deck, suddenly realising how lost he was. Finding his own room last night had been a matter of luck, and right now he had none. He cautiously snuck a small glance in every room he passed; Usopp hoped he would discover Franky's chained room by accident.

The problem was, this boat was completely different below deck and larger than the Thousand Sunny he loved. Even worse, all of the hallways and doors seemed so similar- wooden panelled walls, wooden deck below his feet, randomly coloured doors.

After a while, he began to realise a pattern. The three doors he had found painted a pale cream colour housed weapons, food supplies, and things that Nami made them use to clean the boat. The ones painted yellow were all locked, and there were six or seven of those.

Judging by the shine coming from below the door cracks, Usopp gathered they kept their treasure in those, which made them significantly richer here. Interesting, but not helpful. After reaching the stairs that led up, to the kitchen and outside, Usopp realised he was going the whole way.

Heading back, he took notice, and checked the other kinds of doors. Opening the blue one just a crack, he saw the untidy bedroom of Sanji, girly posters everywhere and a bong set up next to his beanbag (a beanbag? How much of a hippie stoner WAS he, exactly?).

Fittingly enough, he discovered the green one led to Zoro's room, which was rather neat and simple. A futon for a bed, tatami mats thrown over the floor, and scrolls and decorative swords covered the wall he saw. Not that Usopp looked for long- if Zoro stirred and woke up, his life would be forfeit.

Pacing back, his curiosity demanded Usopp check the other bedrooms, which he struggled to ignore. He had to go relieve Robin from guarding Franky, and if he stumbled into Nami's room, he was a goner.

It was easy enough to assume which was which though- the red door led to Luffy's cluttered room, full of everything he found cool (a suit of armour, an army of slinky's he had found, spare food rations, some crayons, etc), the brown to Choppers, and the pink door to Perona's (both of which he had visited earlier. He assumed the orange door led to Nami's room, as the colours seemed to suit whoever's room it was.

Remembering that they had passed Franky last night on the way to the kitchen from Perona's room, Usopp finally found Franky, Robin impatiently tapping her foot inside.

"Where you been?" she demanded.

"Um, sorry, I had to pee," apologized Usopp.

"Wateva . . . ," Robin yawned elegantly, heading off for her room without another word.

Phew . . . he had finally found it. Settling into a barstool, which was the only furniture in the room, he faced Franky, expectant. The shipwright-turned strawhat lay slumped against the wall, sleeping, head down. Nervously holding his kabuto, he wondered why he had agreed to this again. Sure, he didn't want Franky to get loose and attack them, but surely there was someone better for this?

Still, nothing would happen. Sure. If he hadn't gotten loose earlier, during his transformation, why would he get loose now? Usopp then realised he was digging backwards, trying to lean away through a wall, somewhat undermining his brave thoughts.

After a while of this, Usopp began to believe he was in the clear. Franky had stirred a little, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Well, any further away from the usual that his life already was, anyway. Peering through the porthole, Usopp was annoyed to see the window was fogged over from the cold. How could he tell when it was dawn? Wait, maybe it was when the moon had set that he'd transform. Or was it when the sun came up? Which one was it . . . he waited a little longer, ready at the aim as soon as Franky stirred.

"Oooh . . . my head. Is it over?" he groaned.

"Franky! You're okay!" Usopp sighed in relief, as the cyborg looked up to reveal his normal face. Granted, the nose was still too big, his hair was blue and spiky, and his chin (all three of them) was the sort of thing that haunted children's nightmares, but it was still the good-natured shipwright Usopp knew.

"I'm back? Dude, I really need a drink."

"Ah, sure thing!" Usopp ran over to Franky, and undid the bolts holding him up. They had a simple catch which meant Franky would need one hand to undo the other, effectively locking him against the wall without help.

As Usopp and Franky started to walk out of the wooden room, the cloud that had momentarily passed over the moon drifted away again. With dawn still on the horizon, the now free Franky stumbled over, clutching at his stomach in pain. Usopp shrank backwards, Franky's form barring the doorway, and possibly his hopes for living further.

"Argh . . . ," moaned Franky. Usopp's eyes widened, realising he must be transforming somehow. He readied a fire star decisively, as any true warrior on the boat would, whilst intelligently lulling the enemy into a false sense of security by whimpering and curling up in the corner, which was very convincing on his part. A grinding noise announced his legs changing, as the bones became more lupine.

"SUPPPPPER . . . TRANSFORMATION!" Yelled Franky, as the process ended. For a moment Franky was still, gazing sightlessly at nothing. Then, as his head raised, and he sniffed the air tentatively, Usopp was shocked.

Franky was normal.

His face had a funny expression on it, sure, but he looked exactly the same, down to the giant, out-of-proportion arms, the tropical shirt and sea-panties still intact, and no fangs or claws anywhere.

"What the . . . ?" Usopp stood up, cautiously. Had anything happened?

"Aroo~!" howled Franky, looking up. That was definitely not his voice. Franky ran on all fours at Usopp, narrowly avoiding the attack by throwing the barstool at him. Usopp dashed to the other side of the room, barely dodging another swipe from Franky's hand, when he noticed it. The back of Franky's legs and arms were covered in hair . . .

He continued to flee to the corners of the room, were-Franky following him blindly the entire time. As he fled, it suddenly dawned on Usopp- the front side of Franky's body was metal! Of course, it couldn't transform, as only the human parts of him could. So Franky looked normal from the front, but was still a blood-thirsty monster . . . that thought wasn't exactly a positive one.

Flinging ninja stars, fire stars and normal slingshot bullets at him, Usopp continued running around the room in a circle. Eventually, he realised that the were-Franky was rather dull-witted, following him instead of trying to pin him against the wall or actually break the circle. He ran out of the room, boots sliding on the polished floorboards, and headed down the corridor doing the only responsible thing he could think of.

"HEELLLLP! FRANKY'S LOOSE!" He screamed, panting. The long-nosed sniper was running fast enough to stay safe, but he couldn't keep it up for long. Franky pounded down the hallway, snarling as it pounced for him. Usopp ducked, the beast flying over him, before quickly running the opposite way. Doors flew past him, random dances of colour, but he had no idea if he was going the right way.

Franky bounded closer again, his arm shooting closer to him on an extendable chain.

"He knew how to use that!" Usopp quickly pulled out his impact dial, sending the beast thumping into the wall. Usopp shivered slightly, searing pain running along his arm. No time for that, had to run. He quickly sprang up the stairs, having finally found the kitchen, and closed the door behind him.

The kitchen was dark, the doors and windows all closed. He ran behind the bar, knocking aside chairs and tables. He listened silently, trying to hold back his panting breath. At the door, a few scrabbling sounds informed him of the panty-wearing werewolf's presence. A moment of silence, before it burst through, sniffing eagerly. The weak light from the hallway did little to aid it, as were-Franky sniffed around for Usopp.

_Shit! He can sniff me out!_ was all Usopp had time to think, before Franky pounced over the bar and snarled, inches away from his face. Usopp made a noise remarkably like a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner, as he crawled away on his back. Franky was about to bite into him, when a quick shot of a rotten egg star landed in his open jaws, stunning him. Usopp quickly fired a spicy-hot chilli ball, which added to the Franky's pain. Eyes watering, the enraged werewolf roared, seeing Usopp flee for above deck.

"Help! I need BACKUP!" screamed Usopp, as he entered the open air. He shivered as he crossed the deck- the morning mist had arrived, and the sun wasn't out yet. Frantically scanning the sky, he noticed its purple hue, and the lack of stars.

"Hah! You're in trouble now!" he pointed at the werewolf, which had just bust into the open air behind him. "The moon has just set, and it's back to being Franky!"

The werewolf stared at him awkwardly, noting the lack of a transformation.

"Okay, that didn't work . . . but that doesn't matter! Because I have one thousand crew members, all in allied boats around us! Kneel before me, or die!" Usopp barely had time for a dramatic pose, before the werewolf got tired of his antics and decided to swipe him.

Usopp fell head-over-ass, as he crashed into some barrels by the railing.

"Oww . . . ," he muttered. What did he have left? Franky wasn't even tired, but he was breathing heavily from so much running. He could really use some help now . . .

"Takes that!" Bellowed a low voice, as Chopper knocked Franky from behind. He was in his bear-like halfway form, and his strength was at its peak. Franky howled into the night sky, before viciously fighting back. Chopper punched him hard, before being bitten himself.

"Owww! Get him off, get him off!"

Usopp stumbled up, remembering it was his friend Chopper in front of him. It sounded so different; he'd assumed this one was tougher, he laughed. Firing off small ninja stars, were-Franky's attention was once again captured by Usopp, who fled to the other side of the deck.

Chopper took the time to take a small bite of a rumble ball, before striking at the back of Franky. Usopp's mouth hung in awe at the battle- was that really Chopper?

The blue-nosed reindeer was currently a blue-nosed centaur, with strong arms and a bow. He was wearing chain and leather armour, and was using a bow to attack Franky from a distance. The werewolf tried to attack him, and stop the barrage of arrows currently raining on his torso, but was blown to the side by an explosive arrow.

"Is . . . is that really you Chopper?"

"Ist me!"

"Wow . . . you look so strong!" Usopp was amazed.

"Ohh . . . I am not pleased, even if you says something like that." Chopper's face beamed, going against his words.

Franky roared as he shot out a stream of fire at Chopper, burning the arrows he had just fired.

"Yikes!" Usopp hugged the barrels behind him, as Chopper transformed once more.

"We cannot have Thousand Sunny in fire! Is no good!" Chopper harshly spoke, as he pulled Franky up by his shirt. Grabbing him into a headlock, and pinning him to the deck by turning his hip, Chopper's latest form seemed massively powerful. It looked like a man, but he was at least eight feet tall, and . . .

"Chopper . . . ," Usopp wondered. "What devil fruit did you eat again?"

"Human Human fruit: model Gay European Nightclubber, ja?"

"Wait, what was that?" Usopp felt sweat dripping down the back of his neck. The man in front of him was wearing a lot of leather, including what appeared to be a loincloth, but it didn't quite cover enough. Since when was that part of a devil fruit! He watched in stunned silence, as the deep-voiced Chopper threw Franky over board.

By the time Franky had changed back, and climbed onboard (leaving straight away to change and get a drink), Usopp hadn't moved an inch. Chopper had laughed, and promised to go fishing with him later, after he got some sleep. Usopp said little, afraid of the boisterous man who echoed his friend. The others were only just waking up, Nami having a coffee next to her orange trees, and Zoro doing some morning exercises.

Usopp gazed out at the dawn, squinting against the mist. His first day in an alternate dimension, and already he felt dead . . .

"I really wish I got some sleep last night," grumbled Usopp. As he got up to head back in, (and likely get dragged into a fight, or maybe humiliated, or whatever the gods could think of next) a voice answered him.

"Aww, not sleeping well?" asked Hachi the octopus fishman, whose head had just popped up behind a barrel.

Usopp stared.

Hachi stared back, a happy grin on his face.

Usopp continued to stare, mind numb.

"Bad stalker Hachi!" Nami ended their moment of confusion, bashing him in the head.

"Oww . . . but Navigator, I was just-"

"Don't call me that! You're not on the crew!" Nami turned away in disgust, as Zoro loomed closer threateningly.

"You know how Nami feels about your kind. Scram!" Zoro glared even deeper, as Hachi made blubbery excuses.

"Bu-bu-but, I wanna be a Strawhat! I wanna!" At this point, Usopp vaguely recalled throwing up into a window yesterday, and hitting a fishman. On second thought, that had probably been Hachi, following them back then.

"Geez. Doesn't your old man Arlong care that you're out here? Get off our boat already, kid." Zoro casually knocked him off the boat with the flat of a sword, before returning to her stretches.

"I'll join someday! You guys need me!" Yelled the fishman, sounding like a kid.

Usopp spent the entire time in shock, before picking himself up, and calmly heading back to his room. He didn't say a word, and didn't trust himself to.

There was no point in panicking, getting excited, or over-reacting, he decided. If everything- and I mean _every single thing_- in this dimension was screwed up to the point of ridiculousness, he would have to learn better. And so, he _calmly_ went to sleep on his hammock, curled up into a little ball of shivering cowardice, as usual. He wasn't panicking . . . He wasn't panicking . . . And it would only get worse before it got better.

**A/N Thanks for reading, honest criticism on where I can improve is appreciated. Is my Robin a parody, or is she getting too racist? I try not to offend.**

**Also, the offer for character ideas still stands- any one piece character you would like to see in this dimension, whether as a good guy, bad guy, or just randomly changed for comedy can be arranged. PM me with any requests, such as the Boa Hancock lesbian joke (which a few people actually like the idea of, apparently. If I go through with that, who should she be paired with? I think Hancock x Kaya would traumatize poor Usopp the most =D). **


	4. Pirate booty! Literally!

**Disclaimer: One Piece is kind of like a painting at the Louvre Museum. Both are famous, worth more than I am, and are not owned by me. Also, did you know that both were built at the end of the 12th century under the reign of Philip II? **

The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 4- Pirate booty! Literally!

Above deck, the Thousand Sunny was dark. The fog surrounding the ocean prevented even the light of the stars from shining through, and everything seemed pale and ghost-like as a result.

Usopp yawned, still tired, as he munched on an entire loaf of bread. He had missed diner, having slept the entire day since this mornings encounter with were-Franky, and felt mildly hung-over. The biting night air made him secretly glad Perona insisted on holding him tightly, even if she was crazy.

She was currently insisting Chopper remain in his smaller form and never speak again, to preserve his 'cuteness'. It sounded like an old argument, and Chopper was resigned to wearing a large bow currently. He'd help his friend out but seriously; there was no chance he'd fight the girl in such a sleep-deprived state.

Not that he couldn't; naturally; he was manly and powerful enough to beat her again, as many times as he wanted. It's just . . . uh, well, he didn't want to disrupt this world more than necessary. Besides, she could have different powers, like Chopper, and make him cut his wrists in super depression. So, yeah.

Currently, most of the crew was assembled around the railing and mast, all trying to look across the ocean.

"What caused all of this fog? It seems unnatural," Nami thought aloud.

"This be tha Devil's Triangle I told youse about. We got here early, ah think," Robin answered her, hands on her hips.

"Really? Wow, maybe the scale on the map is off . . . we're making good progress, either way. And the Wonky Post is still pointing true, that's good," Nami scribbled on a map for a moment, as Usopp suddenly realized what the two of them were saying. The Devil's Triangle? The same one they nearly died in with Brook and the shadow-stealing man?

"For someone who drinks and lazes about, you sure know a lot, stow-away." Zoro accused Robin, frowning. She seemed not to feel the cold, barefoot on the wood, and still clad in a simple cloth yukata.

"Wut you say t'me?"  
"You heard. Stow-away. That's what you are, right?" She raised one green eyebrow, looking ready for a fight.

"Y'know, there's other ways of learning things than book-reading. I've hung out in bars and stuff for years; I know every story about the Grand Line you'll ever hear, girl." Robin adjusted her hat and checked her nails, while folding her arms behind her head causally, several times.

Usopp followed their exchanges with a whirlwind of realizations- Robin was smart like usual! She didn't read, but she was still their walking encyclopaedia, of sorts. But had she just joined them if Zoro was distrusting her, and calling her 'stow-away?' Maybe it was the same Robin he knew . . .

"ANYWAY!" Nami stepped in between them, trying to control yet another fight. "The point is, we're heading into dangerous waters, and have to be careful. What can you warn us of, Robin?"

"Boats disappear, and entire crews die. No one knows what's out here, but there's all sorts 'a things it could be."

"That's all she can help us with?" muttered Zoro in disgust, walking further off by herself.

"Wait. I think I know this one!" Usopp stepped forward, starting to see where this was going. "In this fog . . . hides the world's largest pirate boat!"

His thunderous exclamation was met with yawns, and mild disinterest.

" . . . and since when did you know about our destination?" Nami asked, frowning.

"Huh? Damnit, I'm being serious! There's a shichibukai out there, and they capture people! People were turned into zombies! It's terrifying!" Chopper, Luffy and Perona were enraptured, and begged him to go on, ready for yet another entertaining story. Unfortunately, the ones with any real say in where they were headed (and the chance to turn around, and get him away from that death-trap) ignored him, assuming he was lying as per usual.

Sinking into despair, Usopp watched helplessly as a mysterious, ancient ship approached the crew. It looked just like Brook's boat. Déjà vu struck him, as Nami and Luffy elected to search the thing for treasure and adventure respectively, and Sanji joined out of concern for the busty navigator. They would get caught up in the same fights . . .

Wait a minute, wasn't Brook on the boat already?

"Yeah, he's just downstairs sleeping. You know how he is," assured Franky. Well, _that_ sure did clear things up. Usopp finished his bread, which was nice and fresh even without butter, waiting to see what they would find. Maybe a girl skeleton with a massive afro? He shuddered at the thought.

"I bored. You have story to finish, no?" Chopper joined him on the railings, as the others talked. Perona had finally gone off to talk to Robin, who she seemed to regard as a big sister type, he thought.

"Uh, yeah, maybe some other time," Usopp spoke morosely, worried about losing his shadow.

"Hm? Is something matter for you?" Chopper looked up at him, still struggling to discreetly remove his bright bow, with hooves ill-equipped for the task.

"Uh . . . actually, I have a question to check with you. Do you know anything about other dimensions?"

Usopp's eyes dared to gleam a small amount of hope. Here it was . . . even if the hope was coming from a terrifying leather-clad gay nightclubber, which he was trying hard not to think about. As long as Chopper was in his Brain Point, he could pretend that had never happened, and that this was just Chopper with a frog in his throat. Could he help him . . . ?

"No, knows nothing." With three short sentences, Usopp was crushed, and fell lower on the deck.

"'owever, I heard some doctors do. Study for dimensions all of life, it are. Maybe find one with question?"

"Really? People bother with that? Wow . . ."

Usopp stood up again, adjusting his goggles. He'd never really believed Chopper would know something so random, such as a way to get him back to his dimension, but this was something possible. He could really make his way back . . .

"Could you tell me if you know any of these doctors? Like, if any are nearby, or pals of yours?" questioned the boy sniper. Chopper frowned, and tilted his head as he considered the question.

"Giants study dimension-travel for long time. Is said they're searching for way to bigger dimension that fits them." Usopp stared blankly for a while.

Giants had scientists? Was that really the best reason to look for a whole other universe? Was there any chance they would help him get through to his world, if they figured it out? So many questions, so little time . . .

Usopp's mind was blown for a little while longer, until Chopper asked him why he was curious about travelling to another dimension. He opened his mouth to make up some random story, only to be interrupted by Luffy's return.

"Oh . . . damn." Usopp's eyes widened.

"Who is that?" Franky raised his glasses, hoping for a better look. The newcomer announced herself haughtily:

"Who? _I_ am Boa Hancock, captain of the Kuja Pirates!" An incredibly beautiful, tall, scantily-clad woman, with raven hair and eyelashes long enough to hide the colour of her eyes stepped forth.

Hancock shoved Luffy to the ground, who looked surprisingly sullen. After what felt like a few minutes of staring at her, Usopp forced his mouth shut, wiped the drool from his chin, and noticed what was happening. Wait, what?

Nami was held at knife point, by a tall, jungle-warrior type woman! She was on the other boat, surrounded by guards?

"Line up, and allow me to inspect the goods!" Hancock declared, pointing her finger over at the Thousand Sunny.

"Or what?" Zoro stepped forward, drawing her sword with a slight metal rasp.

"Or your navigator dies. Now line up!" Demanded Hancock, looking up into the sky. Her pose was odd . . . it was like she was looking down on them, but so far that she was looking up . . .

Usopp and the crewmates had no choice but to line up.

"What happened Luffy?" Franky ran towards him, helping him up.

"A trap . . . that stupid woman took Nami! Argh! Just you wait: Gum-gum Bazoo-"

"Cut it out!" Sanji leaped up, kicking Luffy down before he could strike. "They've got Nami-san, remember!" He then turned around and grovelled at Hancock's feet, immersing himself in her . . . presence.

"Wait, she's kidnapping Nami?" Usopp hissed, even as he lined up.

"What are you gonna do with her?" Franky yelled, spit flying from his mouth. Boy, he sure got excited.

"SILENCE!" Hancock screamed. It had been a harsh scream, but Usopp forgave her; she was just so-

"Usopp . . . ," an ominous tone threatened to bring him back to his senses.

Perona pulled on his nose, hard, managing to wrap her entire small fist around his nose.

"Ouch!" Usopp turned to look at her, the gravity of the situation returning to him. "That had been close . . . thanks . . . ,' he mumbled. Though he wouldn't have minded staring at her a _little_ longer . . .

"As of now, I will be taking all of the sexy crew members you have. That is all," declared the woman, before stepping onto the boat and closely looking at the crew. They all came close to attacking her, but Nami was still struggling in the distance, unable to even yell, so they merely stood and watched.

"Hmm ." She paced back and forth, casually dismissing people with a wave of her arm.

"You there, over to the railings." Franky walked across, readying a fist. The moment he got a chance . . .

"You. Leave my sight." Usopp walked over to the side also, sweating.

"What is this thing? Who left a stuffed animal in my path?" Hancock swiftly kicked Chopper from the deck with a nine-inch heel, without giving him the time to move.

"You . . . ," Hancock gazed closer, long hair shielding her face from Usopp's point of view.

"_Very_ nice muscles . . . you could last quite a while, couldn't you?"

Zoro remained silent, glaring at the woman.

"I don't mean fighting, either . . . I can see you lasting the real fun things, maybe some whips without whining like the last imbeciles we captured. GUARDS! TAKE THIS ONE!"

Zoro was sweating buckets, as he realized this . . . woman found her attractive. She shrugged of the Amazon-dressed guards that came to escort her, joining Nami on the other boat without a word.

"C'mon Zoro! Fight! Let 'em have it!" Luffy kicked his legs back and forth, impatient.

"Luffy! Don't hit any of them! The safety of the crew comes first. That is what you based this boat on, right?" Zoro addressed him bluntly.

"Of course!"

"Well then, don't fight! If you think we can risk Nami's head and beat them, just let me know." Zoro then crossed her legs and leaned back, seemingly indifferent to the situation again. How cold . . . Usopp and Franky shivered, as they felt Zoro's cruel, cold demeanour even from here.

"You. What is your name . . . ?" Hancock gazed at Luffy curiously.

"I'm Luffy! The only REAL captain here, and the one that's gonna beat the crap out of you!"

"Odd," Hancock muttered to herself, before striking a pose in front of Luffy. He continued to yell, declaring himself king of the pirates. "It doesn't seem to affect you," she muttered again, puzzled how her beauty could prove useless on a man. She struck several more poses of increasing frustration, including one that was barely more than forcing him to grope her ass, before growing tired of Luffy's stubbornness.

"It matters not. Over to my boat! I'll deal with you later. I'll never let it be said some _man_ has resisted my charms." She pointed, and sent him up with his swordsman and navigator, as she inspected the next strawhat.

"Very nice . . . ," she ogled Robin openly for a moment, indicating with a finger twirl for her to turn around. "I like me some choco-late." She grinned, with the kind of expression that could neuter small animals. Robin played along with a more carefree smile, calm as always.

"I take it you like this?" Robin patted her hand over her bottom, causing Hancock to open her mouth in a silent 'o' as she looked.

"Up you go then." Hancock smiled dreamily, before snapping back almost instantly into a cold, cruel expression, as she forced Sanji over the deck with the other guys. It was difficult, seeing as he had attached himself to her leg at some point during the 'inspection', but she managed.

"This is last?"

"Oh no! I bet you think I'm cute, don't you?" Perona wailed, trembling in her stripy socks.

"Hmph. Come back when you're legal kid. Or a year or two younger, if you fill out quick." Hancock smiled cruelly, satisfied with her latest capture.

"Wait, what? Did you just say I'm not cute!"

"Perona, in case you didn't notice, she's KIDNAPPING the others. Get over here!" Usopp, Franky and Chopper signalled at the girl, trying to stop her from protesting in front of the crazy lesbian chick.

"No! She insulted me! She can't be that strong, against all of us!" insisted the slightly-spoilt ghost-girl, hands balled into tiny fists.

"Can't be that strong? Oh. How foolish you are!" Hancock struck yet another pose, legs further apart then the poles of the earth, as Sanji squealed with delight, turning to stone before their eyes.

"Sanji!" Franky sobbed, running over and hugging the granite incarnation of the perverted cook. "What did you do, woman?" He took care to look at the sky as he addressed her, freaked out.

"My beauty is so incredible, it can turn the hearts of anyone to stone!" shouted the well-endowed captain.

"And unless you wish for a similar tragedy for all of your crew, I shall take all those on board for use as sex slaves!" she shouted yet another wild declaration, as she leaped back onto her boat.

"Sanji? Sanji!" Usopp shook the statue, uncomprehending, as Hancock's boat sailed off into the fog . . . What would happen to the crew now?

**A/N: Hope you like! I really wanted to add some 'Luffy-rubber' jokes here, but it's late, and this was getting too long . . . keep reading for plot, and reviews are golden, as always. ~Thanks~**


	5. Perverted, but understandably so

**Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, amateur effort not intended to infringe on the rights of Eiichro Oda or any other copyright holder. That's good enough for most people… Unless you're a fanfiction Nazi like Robin Hobb, or Anne Rice or something… **

The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 5- Perverted, but understandably so

The Thousand Sunny lay motionless, adrift in a sea of fog. No birds or fish could be heard at this hour, well past midnight. Heavy boots creaking on the well-polished timber, Usopp shivered, resisting the cold. His breath flew past his face, an albescent plume against the heavy purple fog.

He tested the line of his Kabuto slingshot one last time, confident it was ready. Striding forward, his cape swishing, Usopp was ready to make a stand. All he had done since arriving here was run and cower, even from his own friends. But that is who they were- his friends, no matter how changed they might be here.

His captain was kidnapped, along with Nami, Zoro and Robin, and he had to get them back at any cost. Pulling the familiar Sogeking mask over his face, Usopp arrived at the deck, ready for battle.

Earlier

"Ahh! We're screwed! We're all gonna die!" Usopp ran around in a circle, still reeling from the results of Hancock's attack on the crew. They'd been beaten so swiftly, out of nowhere . . .

In any normal situation like that, they would have risked attacking, and had a fight then and there with anyone who dared kidnap one of their own. Unfortunately, just looking at the figure of Boa Hancock made time go slower, and so neither him, Robin, or Franky had managed to try a ranged attack before the encounter was over. She was so mesmerizing . . .

Damn him and his healthy hormones! If it wasn't for that, he totally would have been out there; fighting away Hancock at the first chance he got, Usopp told everyone who would listen. Granted, Franky was busy crying manly tears, and trying to figure out how his boat had been boarded despite its security, so his only audience was Chopper.

Speaking of that, for once Chopper didn't listen to his stories. He merely spent the hour or so after the boarding staring wistfully at the Sanji-statue, muttering to himself.

"It wasn't meant to be . . . never could be . . . ," he sighed.

Yikes. Usopp had forgotten the full specifications of Chopper's Gay European Nightclubber Human-Human fruit until now, particularly the start of its title. Leaving Chopper alone (well and truly alone, at a distance) Usopp tried to think constructively. Unfortunately, his only thought pattern seemed to consist of:

1. I need the crew to keep me alive

2. Half of the crew have been kidnapped

3. My chances of dying just doubled.

At which point, he became consumed with the urge to curl into a ball once more. His melt-down was the most serious, and the worst he had had since arriving in this alternate world, so much so that it managed to snap Perona out of her own mood.

Pouting, she had been busy complaining that she was the only girl (or, 'woman') not taken by Hancock's sex-slave crew, until she saw her beloved Usopp lying in the corner. He badly needed to wipe his eyes -and his nose- and she managed to realize his concern was much greater than her own needs (at this moment, anyway), so she used her devil fruit power.

With a subtle 'poof', pink-hued ghosts surrounded the blonde, all streaming towards Usopp. He barely had a moment to look up, before they suddenly swept through him, filling him with the most beautiful sensation . . .

He was safe, free, and dancing through some flowers . . .

"I want to live again. I'm having some cheesecake all to myself. I'm the captain, and there's no responsibility!" He hugged himself, until the effect wore off.

"Huh . . . ?" Usopp looked around, to see the boat once more. "What was that?"

"My ghosts, of course! You always did need them to snap out of your moods," Perona spoke confidently, surrounded by a few waltzing ghosts.

"Positive . . . Positive . . . Positive . . . ," could be heard faintly under their breaths. Usopp blinked slowly, comprehending. They were the exact opposite! Perona wasn't just a good guy in this world; her powers had reversed along with her moral compass.

Usopp's eyes shone with joy, as he requested the treatment again.

"I'm fishing, and have caught every kind of fish . . . I just wowed Luffy with my strength . . . Another cheesecake, all to myself . . . ." After a little more of this, he eventually realized the others need positive ghosts, snapping Franky and Chopper out of their funks also.

From what the others said, it seemed Luffy was the only person in the world able to resist her Pleasant Ghosts, as opposed to Usopp resisting the gothic girl's Depression Ghosts in his world. Strawhat Luffy was already so full of boundless optimism and reckless confidence, it seemed they couldn't affect him.

Still high from the happiness he had felt, Usopp quickly sprang into action. Discounting Sanji, as a statue, and Brook, as the others vague comments implied he was somehow disposed or unable to help down below deck, there were only four of them on the boat, but they had to take on the Kuja pirates somehow.

"First thing's first! We have to find their boat, and figure out where the others are kept. If we can get Luffy and Zoro free, we should be okay to beat them."

"But they couldn't do anything earlier," pointed out Franky.

"That's why we play it sneaky!" Usopp declared, before unveiling his master plan.

First, he got Perona to send out her ghosts, and scout out the ocean ahead. Hopefully they'd find the Kuja pirates nearby, in no rush after such an easy victory. Then, he motivated Franky to raise the anchor, which had been dropped during their exploration of the 'ghost ship', and to set off once more. Having lost their navigator, Franky was the next-best hope they had, as he had built the ship itself, and knew a little about steering.

Usopp sent Chopper up to the mast, to keep an eye out for danger close to them, largely as an excuse to keep him away from Sanji. Not that he was prejudiced or anything, but the little reindeer humping Sanji's granite corpse-leg while bellowing with despair in his suddenly-manly voice was one of the creepiest things he had ever seen.

In fact, it was number six on his list of Creepy Shit I've Seen While On The Grand Line, in between the mermaid Kokoro and the flamboyant Mr 2 turning into a copy of him at Alabasta.

He in turn went down below deck, readying his Kabuto and finding his various dials. He found one of the last differences between this boat and his old crew, back in his home dimension there- several extra dials, with new powers to explore. Looked like he was going to need them . . .

"Well, hurry up and inspect the goods. We've spent far too long in these god-for-saken waters." Hancock strode forth, hips swinging from side to side under her dress. Dutifully behind her stood the first mates of the Kuja pirates; a thin girl with blue hair, and a cold, blonde woman with a secretary's uniform, barely visible under the single lantern in the crew room.

"I can have the cowgirl, right?" Kalifa grinned slyly, adjusting her glasses. The others knew exactly what she had in mind; the 'secretary' had a uniform fetish, and seemed to have her eye on Robin.

"Well, I don't deserve the best prize," the other spoke bashfully, deferring to Hancock as always.

"Nonsense! Take whichever you wish for."

"But, clearly, the orange-haired navigator is more to your tastes, Captain," protested the princess. Hancock grinned, knowing full well she would get the most buxom, or Nami in this case. Vivi's 'kindness' was just a formality as far as she was concerned.

"Cheer up," cried Kalifa as she strode out gracefully. "Did you see that swordswoman's muscles, and her thighs? I bet she fucks like a tiger." Her tongue made suggestive motions to Vivi, causing the girl to blush.

"Cut that out! You know I'm not into the dominant ones . . . ," Vivi looked to the side, her face falling into shadow.

"Well then, break her in," Kalifa shrugged, busy wondering if Nico Robin's clothes would fit her. Possibly, except for one area.

"I don't really care what you do; just hurry up and have your fun. We arrive in Shabondy to sell them in a few days, and you better be done with them by then." Hancock left without a backwards glance, not even bothering to hear their replies.

Kalifa waited until the sharp thumps of her heels hitting the wooden deck had faded from earshot, before readying her trip to 'visit' Robin. She seemed to have dozens of costumes stashed around the room; including some Hancock would have objected to (straps and handcuffs left marks, which could detract from their price).

Vivi wasted time herself, looking around the room for a bit, making sure her busty blonde crewmate left first. Composing herself, she left as calmly as she could, through the opposite stairway. She really was getting sick of nothing but girls- it would be good to see a man after all this time.

Unfortunately, this Monkey D Luffy was set aside for Hancock to play with later, and was currently handcuffed with sea-stone cuffs in her very own room. Still, what she didn't know couldn't hurt her, right? Vivi smiled meekly, hoping she could get away with this.

Usopp strode forward, ready for battle, with the same dramatic and cool entry as at the start of this chapter. Perona had found the Kuja Pirate's boat with her ghosts easily, as the masts were down, and it was going at a snail-phone's pace. They were either going carefully in the fog, or needed a steady boat for something (and he didn't want to think what that could be).

Franky was going to stay with the Thousand Sunny, protecting Sanji's statue-body whilst guiding the ship. Chopper and Usopp were going to sneak on board, hopefully rescuing some of the others before they were found. Perona was to continue to spy with her ghosts, and warn them if anything unexpected, while up on top of the deck.

Looked like this was the readiest they'd be . . . Usopp took a quivering step onto the Kuja's ship, ready for anything.

"Ohh . . . Very nice~" purred Kalifa, as dozens of hands ran along her back and legs. Robin smiled in that carefree way of hers, doing her best to keep the pirate entertained. She'd already convinced the woman to take off her blindfold- just a little more . . .

"choo like that, dontcha?" she whispered, ignoring the girl's ecstatic moaning for the most part. Eyes appeared along the far corners of her cell, checking the corridor's nearby. No one near . . . but no way out just yet. Sweat dripped down the back of her neck; this was already uncomfortable enough. She really hoped they were interrupted before long . . .

"**Wouldn't it be funny to make Hancock a lesbian, and screw with her powers?**

"**Nah, lets go one step further, and have her captain a sex boat! Yeah, she can kidnap Nami & the others…**

**And suddenly, I found myself starting softcore yuri Q.q eheheh~ **

**Well, enjoy internet, I'll wrap this part up soon if possible. Don't worry- there'll be no forced sexual encounters, or any sex at all, as long as I'm writing this, in seriousness. **


	6. Gumgum Pinball!

**Disclaimer: I DO own One Piece. On opposite day, that is…**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 6- Gum-gum Pinballl!**

Usopp leaned around the corner, sweat dripping off his neck. No one was onboard . . . guess it was too late for regular activity. Still, he found it strange that there was no one on watch duty, even through this fog. Weren't they pirates?

Approaching the door to below deck, he gulped, and quickly kicked it down in a manly, heroic way (or as Chopper saw, opened it awkwardly from the side, in a position that let no one inside see him around the corner).

A main corridor lead across, but there was also some stairs leading down from the left . . . Dare they split up?

"Well, the quicker we find one of the others, the less fighting for me . . . ," reasoned Usopp, even as he urged himself to stick with Chopper. He was still high on the feeling of being brave, and taking action (brave for Usopp that is, which was almost unrecognisable from actual bravery), so they eventually decided on splitting up.

"Right. Prisoners are more likely to be below, while the captain would be higher up, relaxing, although we can't guarantee that. I'll go down, and you can stay up here," Usopp declared, giving Chopper the thumbs up.

"Nooo!" Chopper cried, clinging to Usopp's leg. Fortunately, he was in his smaller Brain Point, so Usopp wasn't unnerved or thrown off balance by the act.

"Listen, the better fighter should go upstairs, where that Hancock woman is," argued Usopp.

"But it's obvious you is better fighter! Brave captain Usopp, hero of the winds, yes?"

"Well, that is, erm . . . ," Usopp grimaced, as his lies came back to haunt him.

"How about we settle this fairly? Ready?" Chopper nodded. "Rock, paper, scissors!" Usopp stared at the outcome- his fingers were outstretched like a pair of scissors, while Chopper's hoof was . . .a hoof.

"A tie. Okay, again!" bellowed Chopper's deep voice, as Usopp played again.

He chose paper, while Chopper chose . . . another hoof. It looked the same . . .

"Again!" Chopper sounded annoyed, as they shot for the last time. He chose scissors again, and Chopper made yet another indistinguishable hoof. This time, Chopper squealed in delight, apparently winning this time. Usopp couldn't help but feel conned . . .

Chopper crept down the stairs, sticking to his smaller form to avoid making a noise, as Usopp was left the less-than-enviable position of searching the main rooms. He quickly discovered that the Kuja Pirates had incense everywhere, and that this corridor led to one type of room: bedrooms.

It made a kind of sense, albeit a warped one. The only rooms that got natural light, and a view of the stars at night, were the first floor rooms above sea height. Hey, he had rhymed!

In seriousness, this meant that the lower decks held the kitchens, bathrooms, and even the bridge, and bizarrely, Usopp could only search the crews sleeping quarters.

He would have been lying if he said the crew was unattractive, that was for sure. Usopp checked each room through cracks in the doors, discovering many buxom women asleep, which was hardly the worst thing he could think of. Fortunately the only ones awake were a pair of girls on the far room, having a pillow fight for some reason, so he remained undiscovered.

Ten minutes after checking their room (thoroughly), he found one room adjacent to theirs, which appeared to be a meeting-room of some kind. It was small, most of the space taken up by a table against the wall, and led to the captains bedroom, as well as down directly to the prisoners cells, unknown to Usopp.

This was in fact the same room Hancock, Vivi and Kalifa had held their little meeting in earlier that night, and Usopp unknowingly followed Hancock's path downstairs, assuming the bedroom led to Hancock herself.

Had he gone further to the main bedroom, he would have encountered Luffy and Vivi, who were at that moment… preoccupied.

In an elaborately furnished room, the chandelier shook. Some would question putting a chandelier on a boat, let alone a magnificent four-poster bed, regal red-and-gold furnishings and vases along one wall, but no one would dare question Hancock, the person responsible. Along the other walls a wide window offered magnificent view of the ocean, and a shackled wall for prisoners.

"Wow . . . . You can do this with your _whole_ body!" Vivi exclaimed, pulling Luffy's arm further and further away.

"Hey, cut it out! That tickles!" the rubber boy laughed, despite his anger.

He was currently held in place against that wall, with sea stone binding his neck and limbs against the stone. Vivi had released one of his arms, but was busy playing with it.

A peaceful look over came Vivi, as she wrapped his arm around her several times.

"Rubber… what a fantastic fruit idea…"

"I wanna get out of here! You haven't touched Nami, have you?"

The pirate was ignored, as the blue-haired woman played with his arm some more.

"How come the rest of you won't stretch?" cried Vivi, upon trying to stretch his tongue out.

"I'm trying! You've got me locked up with these things!" Luffy pulled futilely against the seastone handcuffs, frowning.

"Well . . . we'll have to do something about that, won't we?" Vivi stepped into Luffy's lap, dangling the keys out of reach.

"We will?" Luffy had no idea what she was hinting at, or why she was doing that thing with her tongue. However, he did know what he was going to do next, that was for sure.

His free arm shot around the girl, knocking her to the ground as he picked up the keychain. Freeing himself, after a minute or two of fumbling with the keys (these things can be tricky, alright? So many different keys . . .), Luffy was headed for freedom.

"Ohhh yeah!" he stretched, knocking into all the walls of the room in the process.

"Oh dear!" Vivi paled, realising what she had done. Standing tall, she tried to bar the only door out with her slight frame. "I won't allow you to leave!"

Luffy grinned cockily, readying his arm.

"I'd like to see you try: GUM-GUM PISTOL!" his arm shot forward, bouncing back harmlessly as his body went numb.

"Ergh . . . what'd you do?" He sprang back up, pissed, as Vivi smiled cheekily.

"I was still holding a pair, wasn't I?" she held up some seastone handcuffs, that fatal mineral to devil fruit users, to prove her point. Luffy snarled, trying a barrage of attacks. She danced around, blocking every attack with paralysing seastone, silently thanking her gymnastics training.

Luffy tried kicking the wall next to the door, eager to bust out, but she managed to block the attack, sending the cuffs along the whole room thanks to her whip-chain weapon. The attacks themselves were nothing to Luffy, but there was no way of getting past those damn bondage toys!

"Please stop this! You only have one choice left, really," Vivi reasoned, hoping her captain's room wouldn't get any further trashed. She held out the handcuffs, expecting him to surrender.

"You're right . . . only one thing left to do . . . ," muttered Luffy, gazing out of the window thoughtfully. He wondered how far he could jump? Hopefully to land, yeah.

"I meant surrender!" Vivi yelled, knocking him on the head.

"No way, crazy lady! I've gotta go find my friends!" Luffy yelled back, readying another stretching attack.

"Don't be so stubborn! Things could be so much nicer for us . . . " Vivi sighed, as the boy tried punching her again. At the last minute, the attack hit the wall, before bouncing, nearly hitting her in the side!

_That was a close one . . ._ Vivi thought, unnerved by how fast the boy was. She'd been lucky his aim was off, so that the seastone got him regardless.

"Shishishishishi," came a laugh across the room. She looked up to see Luffy holding his arms out, looking very pleased.

"That gave me an idea!"

"What do you mean? Hu-hurry up and get in these cuffs! My captain could turn your friends to stone if you disobey!"

"Nah, I won't let her. 'Coz I'm going to free them," he declared simply.

Without a moments thought, Luffy started spinning, wrapping his arms tighter and tighter around him. Vivi realised what he was going to do a moment too late, as he unravelled at a frightening speed.

The momentum sent Luffy spinning across the room randomly, bouncing off the walls and ceiling with the force and intensity of a small hurricane. Vivi flinched, as he narrowly missed hitting her, smashing a pot plant instead. Luffy ricocheted around the room even faster, as he started pushing and springing himself off each wall, as a vase knocked right into Vivi.

Paintings, wood and marble furniture all flew to the ground, his destruction smashing everything in the room.

She got up just in time to hear a mighty crash as he burst through the wall, wood chips fleeing in his wake.

"What . . . are you insane!" she yelled, shocked.

"Hm? Whadaya mean?" Luffy looked back at her, cracking his knuckles casually as he got up. Victory at last!

"You're covered in bruises! You could have hit the window and drowned!"

"Hmm? Oh, I guess I could have!" laughed Luffy.

"What kind of captain are you?" demanded the exasperated princess.

"The kind who rescues his friends."

**Chapter. Enjoy while I go pretend I've slept properly… **

**Also, apparently the Funimation dub already has a gum-gum pinball, but that's the gum-gum slingshot/pachinko where he sends something back, so I consider this a separate move still.**


	7. Yaaaay Fetishes!

**Disclaimer: One Piece: still not mine. Money: none made, yet (although donations are welcome). This disclaimer: done. **

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 7-Yaaaay Fetishes!**

Usopp crept down the stairs, Kabuto slingshot outstretched. He'd wandered the corridors quite a bit below deck, and still hadn't found where his friends were kept. Hearing a noise behind, he quickly hid the nearest room, a pantry of some sort.

He was so focused on staying quiet (and checking the collection of random things in here- a saxophone, a tub of flour, an assortment of colourful pinwheels, some girls things he really hadn't needed to see, and some really weird hermit crab-dudes) he didn't realize it was Luffy running past him.

Luffy tore down the hallways, opening doors at random. He was going to find his friends, and nothing could stop him! Unlike Usopp, who was going the slower-yet-more-likely-to-keep-him-alive sneaky route, he was simply running hoping to find the captain woman. He knew if he beat her, things would work out in the end.

When Usopp was sure the coast was clear he emerged, a few minutes later, covered in flour from the cramped cupboard. Phew . . . he hadn't been discovered. And so he followed Luffy from behind a few rooms, completely unaware his captain was already free.

-o-Recap-o-

Franky was currently onboard the open deck of the Thousand Sunny, sailing adjacent to the Kuja pirates clipper ship. He was careful to keep his distance, so as not to be spotted; their jolly roger was just visible in the difference.

Also on board was Perona, attempting to watch the whole enemy boat for signs of activity with her ghosts, even as she used the bathroom and got changed. Hey, it was cold out, alright? Granted, she based her decision on what to wear solely by cute merits, but it was still better than her usual mini-skirt.

Finally, Sanji's statue posed on top of the ship, still completely stone (with a moustache now, thanks to a bored Franky and a marker). Brook lay somewhere deeper within the ship, still mysteriously unavailable.

Zoro laid bored, half asleep in her cell, waiting for someone to at least gloat or torture her or something. Nami was in a nearby cell, currently pre-occupied with Boa Hancock, who was enjoying herself, teasing and 'inspecting' the navigator.

Luffy had just headed downstairs, unknowingly in the right direction for the many prison cells at the bowels of the ship. Usopp was following him cautiously, and equally unknowingly, as he checked out the various rooms around him on the way.

Last, Chopper was at the other end of the boat, on the same floor, creeping towards the first cell he had found. Inside, Kalifa was preparing herself for some fun with Robin, who really could do with some rescuing right about now . . .

-o-End recap-o-

Chopper's eyes went wide, as he realized what the girls were close to going through with. Having studied human intercourse from a purely medical standpoint, he was amazed to learn a few things right then and there. Shivering, he quickly transformed, body bursting upwards as he activated his power.

Chopper adjusted his hat, ready. He'd chosen the bear-like powerful human form, known as Heavy Point, complete with tight leather clothing (as usual with his Human-Human: Gay European Night Clubber model fruit).

Bursting through the doorway, he rushed at the woman, arms angled together.

"Koku tei Cross!" he yelled, hooves striking the back of the blonde… before the recoil sent him flying backwards.

Kalifa whirled around, her soap shield barely forming in time. Eyes narrowed, she took a moment to realise what was attacking her. It looked . . . what exactly did it look like? Well, it didn't really matter to her, she realised, as its voice indicated it was male, which was enough for her to know he was an enemy.

Flinging her whip towards Chopper, he leaped aside, hooves sliding on the wooden boards.

"Robin, I is saving you! No worry!" Robin's eyes shot panicked signals towards the young doctor, but were ignored during the clash.

Kalifa leaped towards him, scantily-clad nurse's outfit revealing far too much. Fortunately, Chopper wasn't paying attention, swinging his arm up in an attack. Kalifa's kick met his hoof, with surprising power, as he fell sprawling to the ground.

"Hehehe~ I have been trained by an elite marine organization- think you can match my strength?" she leered down at Chopper, blocking Robin from view.

"Government? You is kidnapping and hurting us!" Chopper exclaimed, in his broken manner.

"I _used_ to be with them, naïve boy-er, whatever you're meant to be. Nowadays, I look out for number one- and this boat suits my needs perfectly." Kalifa smiled, flicking her blonde hair as she kicked Chopper again, hard.

He slammed into the wall, side on fire, before pulling out a rumble ball. Looked like he'd need this . . . The last form he had used, when fighting off were-Franky, had been the centaur-shaped Ranged Point. But that was useless for close-quarters combat…

Sighing slightly, he decided he had no other option. Swallowing the yellow ball, his devil fruit transformed inside him once again, resulting in a Chopper that looked . . .

Well, exactly the same as before.

"Are you eating some candy in our battle? What an insolent man!" Kalifa laughed, before launching herself at Chopper at a frightening speed. His body went numb, as she activated her soap devil fruit, which drained all feeling from him. He laid there, paralysed, as Kalifa kicked, chopped, and beat him, a cruel smile on her face.

Robin smiled a little, realizing what had happened. Looks like their doctor was pretty useful in a fight after all, despite his personality, she thought. Watching, the fight almost seemed like a clever parody, a doctor fighting a woman in a nurse's outfit. Of course, neither of them would be allowed in a hospital dressed as they were, but the point remained.

Kalifa took a breather from her assault, taunting Robin for a moment. Unfortunately for her, Robin remained silent, ignoring her completely.

"Hey! Look at your captor when being mocked," she hissed, completely missing the reindeer struggling up behind her.

Chopper was bleeding freely; he had a black eye and severe bruising, but was smiling. No, more than that- it was more like a maniacal grin. No, scratch that; still not enough hyperbole. _His face resembled that of a hysterical demon, from a perverse, ancient time before men walked this earth- a twisted smile, showing a sick pleasure in gruesome thought others could only dare fathom, filled with an endless torment of screaming pain._

_And it was kind of creepy._

Whirling, Kalifa looked back at the blue-nosed thing behind her, unnerved by the look on his face.

"Wha- you're still up? The soap must have worn off by now," she mused.

"That was most . . . fantastic . . . ," panted Chopper.

"Eh? You liked that? What, you into pain?" Kalifa laughed, until she heard his response.

"Yes, very much." He held up his rumble ball, still with that same malicious expression on his face. "This- my S and M Points!"

Kalifa frowned, not understanding him at all. She rushed to kick him again, figuring that might shut him up, but was stopped dead in her tracks the moment she touched him, massive coils of damage overloading her senses.

Through a hazy headache, she heard his explanation. He took all enhanced pain anyone gave him when in M, or Masochistic Point, and could double it and return it on any enemy he touched. Groaning as she got up, Kalifa watched with dismay as he managed to free her new victim, the key stolen from her.

She decided she had no time to play games, and unleashed a barrage of soap, waves of paralysing foam crashing down where they stood. It was her final attack, and she put her all into it. But when the move was done, that damn tanuki-man had managed to avoid the attack. When did he get that fast?

"Sadistic Point!" Yelled Chopper, striking her from behind. While in this form, his body moved much faster, and more powerfully than before- the reverse of the Masochistic Point. The busty woman had no idea what hit her, and went down without another word.

Helping Robin up, as the results of the soap began to fade off her form, he set upstairs again, eager to find some of the others. But first, Robin probably needed medical attention . . . maybe he should take her back to the boat? Ooooh, he had no idea what to do.

If only Luffy, or one of the others was around, he thought. Normally, he would have cursed his lack of bravery, but right now he was just relived to be back to normal- the S & M Points altered his personality, and it wasn't fun. He knew it was nothing like actual S & M play- that was simply what he called it, as it seemed to suit the fighting techniques they offered. Either way, it hurt . . .

He took in more damage then normal when in Masochistic Point- that was another drawback. Limping, he decided returning to the ship for their injuries should be a priority. So he and Robin headed upstairs, away from the rest of the crew . . .

-at the other side of the ship-

Luffy burst through another door, kicking it out down dramatically. It wasn't an expression of his anger towards Hancock, or to damage her boat- he simply enjoyed destroyin' stuff. This time, however, the door led to a cell with Nami in it, as opposed to the empty cells he had stumbled across!

"Nami!"

"Luffy!" Nami looked up, heart soaring as she saw her captain. He was here to save her . . .

"Hmph," snorted Boa Hancock derisively, removing herself from around Nami's torso (they had been entwined as she teased her, but that was about it so far. Unlike her crew, she had _some_ self-control, and drew these things out). "How did you get out of my room, _male_?"

"I'm just stronger than your crew!" declared Luffy happily, as he tightened his fist. "Now, it's your turn!" Hancock laughed again, as she readied herself for what promised to be a fun fight. Even if he did prove immune to her powers, she was sure she could take this puny boy.

"Luffy . . . you'd come all this way just to rescue me? You do care!" Nami swooned, despite her uncomfortable position. Currently, she was kneeling on her knees (as opposed to kneeling another way?) which she hated, and her hands were both held up behind her back against the wall by a chain. Far from the best prison she'd ever been to.

"Oh? You two are an item?" Hancock's tone managed to make the question sound like 'oh? You might have cancer?'.

"Of course!" Nami passionately insisted.

"What? Oh, yeah, we are . . . ," mumbled Luffy.

"LOUDER, RUBBER-BOY!" Nami roared. Hancock burst into trifled laughter, seeing the exchange with delight.

"I take it things aren't perfect between you? All the more reason I run an all-female crew, truly."

"Luffy, tell her you love me, and love being with me!" Nami urged.

Currently picking some gunk out of his ear, Luffy answered casually. Couldn't they just get on with the fight?

"Of course you're good!"

"Great!"

"Right, great, yeah. See, when I'm with her, Nami gets me all kinds of tasty food, and she hits me less, and she never takes my money or tells me off for being a bad captain . . . ."

His opinion of their bond was interrupted, as Hancock fell to her knees laughing. The chained-up thief behind her looked slightly embarrassed, telling herself it was merely Luffy's way with words. Even if he had trouble explaining it, it was obvious he loved her as much as she loved him- why wouldn't he? Looking down at her curvy, well-endowed body, she somehow reassured herself that he really did love her. Yep.

"Well, it really means nothing even if you were together," declared Hancock. "You _shall_ become stone by the end of this night, and I will sell your woman for as much as I can in a few days. That will be that."

"You can't do that! I'll beat the crap out of you first!" Luffy's face turned serious, as he readied his arm once again. A few hits was all it would take!

-To be continued-

**A/N: A clipper sounds about right, for the size and cargo of the Kuja Pirates… If anyone knows somethin' about historical boats, please tell me the correct type of ship, and laugh at how little I seem to know, heh~**

**Also, sorry all Brook fans… I seem to have alluded to/ teased you about him some more in this part, without any info. Trust me, he is coming, it just won't be during this arc. I promise to try and make it worth the wait, at least… **

**[Read: he's serious now! With a floppy emo-haircut! Or maybe John Lennon glasses! Or how about making him a zombie, still in his old body? OR MAYBE HE IS A PURPLE RHINOCEROS.]**


	8. Like, OMG!

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer 1: knock knock!**

**-to be continued.**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 8- Like, OMG!**

Luffy stood tense, muscles poised for an attack.

Hancock stood relaxed, cockily relishing the atmosphere before her certain win.

Nami knelt, ready to watch the battle that would decide her fate.

Well, she could hardly do much chained against a wall, after all. Regardless, a fight was about to commence, which made it the perfect time for a cut-away to another scene that takes place simultaneously . . .

_-This is a literary device we authors call 'annoying', or 'bait'. I call it 'necessary for the plot, so shut up and get back in the kitchen'-_

Perona pouted at the dignity of it all. She was currently rowing, in their Mini Merry paddleboat. Physical labour!

Normally, it would be fine to kick back and relax on the boat as it chugged along, but the unnatural fog had done something to the motor; subsequently, it was crawling along at a terrible pace without her help. So she huffed away with the paddles, wishing her arms were as strong as Zoro's, even if it wouldn't be all that cute.

The reason for this fun trip was simple- her ghosts had spotted a small boat heading for the Kuja Pirates, and Franky and the ever-so-gothic girl had decided it should be investigated. As Franky was necessary onboard to guard and steer their ship, that left her or Sanji to go across and intercept the smaller vessel.

After a brutal staring contest, which had lasted an amazing two minutes and forty-one seconds, Perona conceded defeat, and was the one sent out. She was sure he'd cheated, damn him . . . she had never lost a staring competition before.

Even if he was a statue.

So, rubbing her eyes wearily, Perona angled her boat (with her ghosts on lookout as help) towards the other, intercepting it only a few minutes before it would have reached the Kuja's clipper. This was difficult to judge accurately though, with the swirling purple fog common to the Devil's Triangle around, which hid their boat in the distance more effectively than that big-ass kitchen table you hid under when playing hide-and-seek as a child.

As a result, she managed to sneak up and surprise the other boat, which she realized was a rainbow-hued, one seater fishing boat. Inside was a small girl, with dark hair in pigtails, a bucket-sized hat, and an almost random combination of clothes that shouldn't really go together.

"Oh! You surprised me!" her mouth leapt into a small 'o', which was covered by a hand. Perona remained sullen and tired, wishing she was back in their nice warm ship. As a result, she was rather sharp with the girl from the get-go, simply demanding who she was, if she was meeting with the Kuja pirates and why, without an introduction.

"Yeah, I'm meeting them. What's it to ya?" Her head tilted to the side, almost as carefree as Luffy could be.

"If you're with that lot, then you're my enem- Oh!" exclaimed Perona, sitting up higher as she got a closer look at her foe. "I love your skirt!"

"Really? How funny!" laughed the girl, as she saw Perona. "I like, hate yours!" Perona would have collapsed dramatically backward, to show her shock, but reconsidered in the small boat, as she seethed.

"How dare you say that! It's way cuter than anything you've got on, whoever you are!"

There was an awkward, protracted silence as the two remembered they were strangers.

"Oh em gee- I completely forgot! My name's Ms Golden Week," introduced the girl casually. Perona wasn't so quick to change moods, and still resented the comment about her skirt.

"I'm Perona. Remember that name, because it'll be all over the world someday!"

"Really? Are you trying to be an actress?" she cast a critical eye at Perona, before laughing. "Looks like I won't have any competition~"

Perona's eyes widened in shock. "Wha- did you just say I wasn't cute enough to be an actress?"

Both girls seemed to be in their own little worlds, neither one noticing that they hadn't, in fact, mentioned acting or cuteness respectively, and were arguing for naught. Perona decided to shoot a ghost through the girl, which shut her up for a minute.

Glaring at the girl, she decided to get even by getting some dirt on the girl. Fortunately, this coincided with her original goal (and the strawhat's), which had been to find out who she was, and why she was joining those woman pirates. Had she been a slave trader, or reinforcements, than Usopp and Chopper's mission could have been in jeopardy.

Pumping her more full of her Pleasant Ghosts than steroids to a major league baseballer, she began to question this girl.

"So, Ms Week, do you feel happy?"

"Yeah, like, totally!"

"You could be even happier if you tell me why you're meeting those pirates," Perona began. This could be a lengthy process that usually involved finding out exactly what made someone tick, but she was the best interrogator on the boat.

"Like, to deliver this envelope?"

"Hmm. Hand it over."

"Totes!" and Ms Golden Week happily threw it over to her, no questions asked. _Such a ditz . . . I probably didn't even need my ghosts!_

She began to read the papers inside, but realised a lot of it was financial-type papers about slave selling, and she didn't recognise the names, so it was largely boring.

"Hm? What's this one mean?" The stripey-socked girl squinted at the last paper, pink pigtails bobbing around her head as she tried to make sense of it.

"Hey you, explain this one. What's the marine symbol doing at the top?" she demanded.

"Like, it's from them?"

"Well, why'd they write it in some kind of code? An ugly code, at that," muttered Perona.

"To stop people reading it?"

"I knew that much! Don't answer so literally!"

"Okey dokey!" the shorter girl saluted, still beaming with the high she had achieved on the pleasant ghosts.

"Well, can you read it?"

"Yup!"

Perona sighed a little, settling down in a kneeling position. This was going to take a while . . .

_-back over here-_

Luffy somersaulted in the air, landing back for but a moment as sprang to the side, avoiding Hancock's next kick with skill.

"Gum-gum . . . Pistol!" he cried, arm shooting forward in the signature move. Hancock moved with surprising speed, avoiding the shot as she twirled, and attempted one of her more effective attacks.

"Heart stopping blush!" Hancock's eyes widened, tears forming in the corners, as she clasped her hands together. She gazed longingly towards the rubber man, directing the most vulnerable, pitiable look she could manage at him, as pink flowers and soft highlighting filled the room around her.

Unfortunately for the raven-haired temptress, the desired effect- Luffy turning to stone- was a complete failure. Slamming a suddenly ten-metre long leg into her side, Luffy continued to go on the offensive, a sweeping kick smashing her into the wall.

Groggily leaping back up, Hancock glared, wondering how her looks were ineffective. Women and gay men had fallen for her, with the right level effort- how could a _teenage boy_ of all people ignore her body? Just barely avoiding the next attacks- a flurry of punches, kicks and one ill-considered head butt raining down on the walls and stone furniture- Hancock tried again.

Hand elegantly outstretched on her hip, her already long legs standing on the toes of her heels to make the most of her height, she tried appealing with a sexy, 'mature' look. Haughty expression, chest pushed forward, slight swaying motions to her hips as she strutted towards him- she had this one down pat.

Unfortunately, the boy turned out to have nerves of stone already, ignoring her feminine charms as he tried attacking her again.

Thankfully, her speed saved her, but at this rate she might lose- her kicks did little to his rubber body. Normally, her attacks could at least turn whatever she touched, such as inanimate objects into stone, regardless what they felt for her. But this boy's rubbery body held a natural immunity, resisting the opposing devil fruit.

Combined with his stubbornly asexual feelings, she was at a loss. Sweat dripping off her perfect brow, she wondered what might work on him. She was using her devil powers on full blast as it was!

"That a man, Luffy! Don't look at her twice!" Nami cheered, proud of how faithful her captain could be. Hancock grinned devilishly, as an idea suddenly occurred to her. Kicks meeting his, the two fell back, as she decided on a plan of action.

If he was attracted to this orange haired girl, then she just had to act like her to tempt him . . .

If Monkey D Luffy was attracted to Hancock for just one moment, he would be stone, and this battle over.

_-back on the waters. Also, you're still not in the kitchen, are you? I'll quit scene changing when you hurry in there-_

Perona stood up in shock, causing the Mini Merry to rock back and forth. She flinched at the incoming spray, belatedly remembering how dangerous the water was to Devil Fruit users like herself, and sat back down.

The reason for her shock lay on the coded Marine paper, the one Ms Golden Week had translated to her (at length). It detailed how often Hancock had kidnapped various girls for the slave market on Shabondy, all with the approval of the Marines.

Worse, they were specific instances where the World Nobles had requested certain types of girls, and that leggy Hancock woman had been paid mountains of cash and 'favours' from the government in return. She was a Shichibukai, or 'warlord of the sea', which sounded impossible . . .

After calmly, rationally analysing the situation, Perona realised what this meant:

1: The Marines supported Hancock, so she wouldn't get into any trouble for kidnapping and slavery.

2: Since the Marines supported her- they would most likely send marine soldiers to help her in a fight, as well as against any enemies of hers.

3: If she was that highly ranked by the world government, she was probably even stronger than they realised, and her crew could kill them.

4: The Strawhats had just recklessly attacked her, without knowing any of this.

Could they really afford the bounties- and Marine attention- if they openly attacked her? No, she reconsidered, freeing Nami and the others was more important, surely. But maybe they should just slip out unseen, and not engage the Kuja's then? Her head spun with the decision, unsure what to do with this information.

Go back and tell Franky, she thought. No, there wasn't time for that- maybe go onboard and find her Usopp, or Chopper? But then she would be in danger, and the more of them there the more likely they'd be caught . . .

"Oooh! This is over my head!" Perona yelled, before passing one of her Pleasant Ghosts through herself. The wavy spectre mumbled nice things in her ear, hoping to be of some help, as it couldn't directly affect her (it was her power after all).

Ms Golden Week giggled, amused by her new friend's facial expressions. Perona was currently crouched down in the corner of the boat, opening and closing the palms of her hands repeatedly as she tried to think.

After a short moment, she quickly sent out more ghosts, searching the deck for signs of the struggle, as she set off to help the brave Usopp, as well as that cute reindeer they had . . . whatever his name was.

She left some ghosts along the edge of Ms Golden Week's boat, absentmindedly watching and drugging her every time she stirred. Her ditzy personality acting as a sort of lubricant, she was quite possibly the easiest person Perona had ever faced when battling with her ghosts.

The key difference between her and Luffy, she decided, was determination- he was optimistic to a fault about grand adventure, and winning impossible battles of an epic nature. This girl just drifted through life without a care, making her ridiculously easy to defeat.

In just under fifteen minutes, she was looking up at the wale, or side of the Kuja's boat (she hadn't become a Strawhat without learning _something_, she thought smugly). Nervously focussing most of her spying ghosts on the entrance, she began to climb up to the deck, blushing when she realised she was climbing in a skirt.

And so, Perona joined the action on the boat, already tired from using her ghosts so many times that night. Little did she realise in the fog that she had just missed Chopper and Robin, who had taken a lifeboat out to freedom.

The few ghosts she had were all scanning her path ahead or keeping watch on the messenger for Hancock, which resulted in no one guarding the outside of Hancock's ship, ready for what happened next . . .

_-Ah, good, you're finally in the kitchen. Last of the scene changes then, over to Luffy's fight we go. Unless you want to visit Brook's whereabouts? Just kidding; no one's asked to see that. Luffy it is-_

Luffy's leg swung up, in a massive kick that burst through the ceiling; planks of wood rained down upon them as he attempted to knock Hancock out. She had really pissed him off, calling him captain and yelling at him; her behaviour was confusing.

Hancock was getting desperate, having tried everything she could think of. She was currently lying on her impressive chest, in a classic photo shoot position, but not by choice. She had been hit so many times, and was tired to the point of vulnerability. This boy had a serious chance of defeating her!

His kick began to reel down, destroying the room above in the process. Her eyes panicked, as she wondered what kind of thing this man would enjoy; she only had time for one more attempt to bewitch him.

Think, Hancock, think! He wasn't the kind to drink; she doubted he needed an escape from anything. Sports seemed unlikely, but she felt like these were close to the mark . . . something you could enjoy, really get behind in life. He wasn't attracted to women- what could it be?

There was one answer that rang true for all men- food.

Batting her eyelashes with her Love-love fruit powers on full blast, she purred: "I've got some tasty meat here, cooked just the way you like it~"

Instantly, Luffy's momentum collapsed, as his leg reverted to normal, the blow lost. His body fell back simultaneously, freezing in solid stone. The battle was over.

"Luuuuuuuuuuffy!" cried Nami, straining against her chains as hard as she could. No, it couldn't be real, surely? Hanock laughed deeply, as she relished the look on her face. She had never had such a scare, or had to think like that during a battle, but she had won!

She got up coolly, feet sore from her exhaustion and the battle in heels. However, she didn't show a single trace of this weariness, dragging the statue of Luffy to the window, which had been smashed open at some point in their battle.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Nami's eyes widened in horror.

"Simple, really," Hancock turned her nose down at the girl, savouring her fear. "I have won, and proven to myself my power works on all people. Now, I have no use for the male."

"Wait, please don't!" Nami panicked, struggling further. Hancock paused, with Luffy hanging precariously over the open ocean.

After a moments thought, she looked towards Nami, asking, "Do you want to watch?" Without waiting for a reply, she unlocked Nami from the wall, dragging her by the arm. This proved just as difficult to escape from, however; Hancock's power turning the arm she held onto into cold granite.

The waves and the mist beckoned, and nothing could be done. She kicked out at the horrible pirate, even as she went to push Luffy out. Her foot and sandal fell back with a thud, turned to stone, useless against her.

Nami watched in horror as Luffy fell slowly to sea, spinning through the air . . .

**A/N: Wow, plotting out where all of these characters are at once (and planning ahead so they meet when they're supposed to) is challenging =.= … Now I wish I started with just four or five Strawhats xD Oh, and PLOT OH NOEZ LUFFY or something.**


	9. Comedy and fight scenes, oh my!

**A huge thank you to everyone who's read and given me feedback- you guys are really great to me! In particular, huge shouts go to UnrelentingNightmare and Midirin, for their stalker Hatchi and S & M point for Chopper ideas respectively, not to mention the effort they put in as beta readers. My gratitude can only be expressed in updates ^.^ **

**I've gotten more ideas from people, but I'll wait to thank them until the actual characters are shown, for spoiler reasons. OC's are fine as well, if you have a reason to throw them in (Smoker's dad teasing him, Crocodile's sister borrowing his stuff, etc). Sorry for the long note- enjoy~**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer 2: Who's there?**

**-continued from previous disclaimer-**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 9- Comedy and fight scenes, oh my!**

"Luffy!" Nami outstretched her free hand in vain, desperately trying to reach for her love. The captain of the Strawhat pirates fell to a watery grave, helpless. He had been turned to stone by the temptress Boa Hancock, and was unable to stretch to safety, cry for help, or even look at Nami one last time, as his statue fell straight for the ocean.

"Nooo!" Nami held back a sob, unsuccessfully. Tears blurred her vision, but she couldn't even wipe them. Her love . . . Hancock sneered at her side, delighted with how this was turning out.

It seemed hopeless, as Luffy hit the water, and sank straight through the waves. Nami realised he wouldn't drown- he was a statue, right? But that seemed like small comfort- in no time at all, the ship would move on, leaving no way of ever finding him.

In a place known for dangerous mist, the current would make it impossible to ever find this spot again. The carefree, optimistic rubber boy she knew would effectively die from this world…

"Wait!" a wave of inspiration struck Nami, causing her to bolt upright. Hancock frowned, but didn't say anything. What was she up to? With the girl's right arm and left leg turned to stone by her touch, Hancock was reassured that she was safe from any trickery.

Cupping her free hand around her mouth, Nami yelled as loud as she could.

"HA~TCHI! I might let you join the crew if you save Luffy!" Her voice seemed flat, echoing badly through the fog, but there was no other noise at night. He was always behind their boat- would he hear her?

A painful few moments followed, as she continued to yell, screaming for the stalker octopi with all of her lungs. Hancock swiftly shoved her down, knocking the air out of the navigator.

"You think you can save him?" she hissed menacingly. "I won. His loss was complete. No one defies someone as perfect as me!"

Nami grinned weakly; there was nothing else to do.

A faint, gurgly voice yelled from the distance, confirming her hopes: "I found him, miss! Can I take him back to the Sunny?" Hatchi's happiness was clear; being allowed to walk on their boat was something he had dreamed of.

"YES! Go now, Hat-" Nami's yell was cut off, as Hancock's heel met her stomach. Vision blinking dark for a moment, she missed most of his reply. But she was sure Hatchi would keep Luffy's statue safe- that was all she could hope. Thank goodness the fishman was always stalking them!

Her quick thinking might have rescued Luffy's statue, and a chance at bringing him back properly, but there was little she could do to save herself. Even if she held a weapon, half of her limbs were stone- and soon, all of them.

Hancock grinned, stroking Nami softly. She felt better just looking up at the woman; she had never noticed how low-cut Hancock's top was. Hancock whispered something inaudible, placing Nami's hand on her thigh. A moment later, and she too, was stone.

Wow, she sure had been easy to convert. Considering the circumstances, Hancock had figured Nami would take much longer to get attracted to her, but obviously not. The fact that she had been attracted to a female didn't faze Hancock- it was common knowledge that all females were, at best, closet bisexuals, and would always fall for her charms eventually.

Getting up, Hancock sighed with frustration. That fight had bruised her perfect skin, and exhausted her. Even worse, that boy's statue had been saved, which was just annoying. She liked to be in perfect control all of the time.

Dusting off her form-fitting clothes, she rested the girls statue against a ruined bookcase, making sure it wouldn't fall over. She'd meant to play with her before selling the wench, but she really was in no mood to be around anyone after all this.

Grimacing, she left the dungeon, striding to her own quarters to relax. A nice, hot bath was what she needed right now . . .

_-A scene change, to give you all time to have a cold shower and a lie down after picturing Hancock's bath, perverts. You all were, weren't you? No, I won't be writing that. Well, I might if I get ten alerts from this chapter. I'm frightfully shallow like that, you see-_

Usopp looked across from the bedroom he was in, warily. He'd been slowly sneaking through the ship, cautiously, and as a result was still a fair way away from Luffy's trail. However, the upshot was that he was alive, and was still in a position to save his crewmates (little did he realize how few were still locked up).

He listened carefully, ear pressed against the wooden wall. Footsteps had alerted him to someone walking through, and it sounded like a girl. Usopp would have claimed his superior hearing allowed him to analyse the lightness of the footfalls, combined with the shorter timing between steps, to clearly point towards a lighter, shorter figure, had one of the others been around to be impressed.

He also would have remembered this was an all-girl crew, and mentioned the song she was humming as slightly more obvious indicators of her gender, yes, but that didn't prove that he hadn't also analysed the steps, dammit.

He looked through a crack in a door, recognising a slight figure with dark hair and glasses. Wait, was her name again? He hushed himself as he recalled the swordswoman Tashigi, who was usually seen behind Smoker the Marine. He waited until she was gone, wondering how much of a threat she was in this dimension. Best not to take any chances- a wise warrior welcomed any battle avoided, he knew. And that made him a veritable Ghandi of wiseness. Er, wisdom.

He left the room in the opposite direction, a minute later. He didn't know where she was headed, but hopefully none of his friends would have to fight her. He wondered for a moment if Zoro would still have the same reaction to her, knowing that she looked like that dead girl he used to like. Unless his childhood friend had been changed into a dude in this dimension, to give the same reaction? But in that case, where did that leave Tashigi?

Oh well. It didn't really bother him, as he headed through the surprisingly large hallway, unknowingly headed right for danger himself . . .

_-back in the dungeons-_

Zoro stretched, muscles stiff. The whole night had just been boring waiting so far, causing her to yawn. The urge to sleep was strong, but she knew sleeping in an enemy dungeon was unwise. Not to mention the chains made it too difficult to lean back comfortably.

This seemed to be a small cell- presumably, Nami had been given one of the larger ones they walked past, with her and Robin in more confined rooms. After some time, Luffy could be heard running past, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"I'm over here, idiot! Hey, Luffy!" Zoro sighed, as Luffy's calls grew faint already.

"He's yelling so loud he can't even hear the people he's trying to find! His lack of discipline is shameful . . ." she muttered. Testing the chains, Zoro found enough leeway to scratch her head, messing up her hair nonchalantly in the process.

Sometime later, a dark figure entered the room. Door creaking ominously, Zoro looked up to see . . .

"Ku-Kuina?" What the hell was going on? Standing at the doorway was her best friend from back when they were kids, who Zoro had never expected to see again.

"Who is Kuina?"

"Don't screw with me! Who're you?"

The girl frowned, adjusting her glasses as she got a better look at Zoro.

"You're surprisingly mannish for someone the captain brought in."

"Why should I care what you think?"

"I was hoping for a delicate, nicer girl. This is a shame," Kuina sighed, walking in as she readied her swords.

"Hey, what the hell are you getting your swords out for?" Zoro began to panic, straining against the chains again.

"I like a little bit of torture; that's why you're in the barest, most prison-like holding cell we have." Her tone made it sound like this was a basic fact, as if they were discussing how to use a compass.

"Hey, cut it out!" Zoro leaned backwards, sweating at the sight of the wickedly sharp blades. "I'm not into that! Wouldn't your captain be pissed if I died before you could sell me?"

"Not really. I doubt someone like you would die so easily, anyway," Tashigi winked as she readied an odd stance. Her sword was up behind her shoulder, closer to a golfer's stance than someone about to battle.

Zoro started to panic- the sight of someone so much like Kuina, about to cut her? What the hell? The thin blade swung down, aiming for her shoulder blade. Zoro winced, ducking down as far as the chains would allow when . . .

Nothing happened? A sharp sound echoed, but she was unhurt. Had that girl really missed? Opening one eye curiously, Zoro discovered what was going on. The dark-haired woman was hacking away at the chains, cutting through slowly.

"Don't you have a key or something? That'd be faster," Zoro looked up at her curiously.

"Wait, that's all you have to say?"

"Pretty much."

"You're not surprised I'm apparently helping you here?"

"I figure you'll tell me why you are if you want to." There was no point questioning a good thing, to Zoro's mind, her earlier confusion lost.

"I'm not helping you!" Tashigi frowned- this chick was reacting all wrong! They were supposed to get their hopes up, and then panic again even more!

"Sure looks you're helping." Zoro raised a thin eyebrow quizzically. Looking at her deadpan expression, Tashigi felt strangely annoyed.

"You're no fun at all! I was going to free one arm, and then start torturing you, so you can only squirm a little longer. But that's ruined, thanks to you," she accused Zoro.

"Gee, so sorry. Maybe you should play your mind games on someone who cares?" Zoro stretched luxuriously, as her arm was freed. With a thud, the dull chain hit the ground, as Tashigi got up again.

"Fine," she sulked, readying her sword, "I'll just cut you until I feel better." Zoro glared, unsure how to get out of this mess. This girl was clearly insane, and moody to boot. Just her luck to find someone into torture, as well . . . freak.

Tashigi mercifully skipped the chatter and taunting part of her repertoire, lunging almost immediately at Zoro. She rolled out of the way, the one arm freed granting her a small radius to move around. The only other chain was attached to her left arm, which was pretty tight. Kicking out with both feet, Zoro aimed for her jaw.

The attack was a miss, but Tashigi did fall back for a moment when dodging. Breathing heavily with the tension, even as she enjoyed it, Zoro leaped back, just avoiding the next stab.

She was laughing at her opponents moves, inside- a sweeping movement would have covered her much better- even as she realised it didn't matter what she used. An amateur swordswoman would still be enough to finish her like this. Damn, that was embarrassing.

That thought made her pissed, even as Zoro began to dodge the next blow. Bringing the chain in front of her body, she caught that attack with it, the sword busting through, and through her ribs at the same time.

Grinning at the woman through a quick spurt of crimson that hung in the air between them, Zoro was freed. She pulled the blade out of her stomach, realizing it had only penetrated halfway or so. Leaping at the stunned novice, she attempted to wrestle her blade off of her. This was her chance!

They fought for a brief moment, Zoro kicking and punching in a brutal, basic melee. Her muscles were far stronger than the short Tashigi, but she was weakened and tired. They struggled , rolling across the room as they did so. Blood dripped over the room and their clothes, Zoro having opened up the wound without covering it.

"Can't you feel pain!" Tashigi cried, surprised at this girls strength. The sword in her arms had been twisted around, but she'd managed to nick the other girl twice more. Why wasn't she reacting? Zoro grinned, relishing the life-or-death atmosphere. It had been a while since she found herself actually struggling, or without her swords- things had almost gotten boring on the last few islands.

Tashigi finally snapped out of her mood, remembering the other ability of her sword. Gripping the hilt as carefully as she could, even as that green-haired monster started to pull it out of her arms, she unleashed a surge of purple electricity through the blade. Zoro fell to the ground, springing back up almost immediately.

They stared for a brief moment, panting.

"The hell kind of blade was that?" Zoro stared at the ornate, thin katana.

"This is one of the elemental Shigure blades: The thunder sword, Jishinkaminarikajioyaji Shigure!"

Zoro stared blankly at her triumphant face, sweat forming on the back of her head.

" . . . is that the actual name of your sword?"

"Yep! Impressed?"

"That's just cruel . . ."

"Hey, this blade can bring lightning through your chest! Be impressed, dammit!"

"I'd rather have nothing to do with a sword named like that. I'll be going now, if you're okay with that." And Zoro waved at her with a dead expression as she left the room. Tashigi pouted at her sword not getting the attention it deserved. Jishinkaminarikajioyaji Shigure was a fine name!

Wait! Her hand slapped her cheek in surprise, as she realized that woman had just escaped.

"Get back here, you!" She ran out of the room, angry, as Zoro began laughing.

"You're not too bright, are you?" She ran, making good pace with her head start, wondering which way lead out of this place. Man, now she wished she had paid attention when they brought her down . . . not that it would have helped much.

Ducking from a projectile blast of lightning, Zoro's combined fight-and-flight continued, even as Usopp encountered someone else on his side of the boat.

In front of him, blocking the hallway, was a cool, calm woman. She was glaring at him through glasses, dark hair long and still against her back. Her sword was outstretched, the point facing Usopp. He shivered, as much from fear as from cold.

For once, the others might have believed that excuse, seeing as his leg had just been frozen to the ground. For in front of him, a woman who looked just like Tashigi had unveiled an ornate katana, with ice powers. Things were finally heating up . . . well, not literally. Things were finally cooling down, it seemed . . . Except they were still somewhat interesting. Well, if one thing was certain, things sure were happening . . .

**And that's all for now~ There's a poll up on my profile, if anyone's interested in seeing a teaser/hint of the next arc (and deciding something completely arbitrary at the same time). Oh, and I was at a con all weekend, which explains why I was a lil late with this part. Too busy high-fiving awesome **_**Trafalgar Law **_**cosplayers, YES.**


	10. Will the real Tashigi please stand up

**Huge thanks towards UnrelentingNightmare, for spotting quite frankly a ridiculous number of areas for improvement here. Still, I think it helps make this one of the strongest chapters yet :D**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer 1: One Piece isn't mine~**

**-continued from pervious disclaimers-**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 10- Will the real Tashigi please stand up**

Zoro was currently fleeing from Tashigi, dodging lightning blasts even as she ran and searched. Getting off the boat was all well and good, but finding the others, and her swords, took priority. Unfortunately, Zoro was never the kind of person to remember directions, or even make logical guess such as 'the captain's quarters would be those larger, reinforced doors over there', or even 'those stairs going up might lead upstairs'. Her sense of direction was something that never changed, no matter which dimension you visited.

While this was going on, in a quiet, and presumably much further away hall, Usopp stood his ground. In front of him was his fearsome opponent, the swordswoman Tashigi. But . . . he'd just seen her leave for the opposite direction, hadn't he? What was going on? Plus, she was singing that time, and seemed much more carefree. This one was practically an ice queen, pun intended.

For you see, upon realizing he was an intruder (he was male- no lie could really change how suspicious that was on a boat like this. Believe me, he'd lied rather excellently, but when questioned on his bra size, the lie had fallen apart considerably, and he'd been discovered as a man once more), she had unleashed her sword's powers on him.

This sword just happened to be the Hi Shigure, the abruptly-titled ice blade belonging to a family of sacred swords, which coincidentally belonged to a single family. As she waffled about the swords, and how it was her right to kill him, Usopp realised her 'noble and impressive' family could have sisters.

"Wait, do you have a twin sister or something onboard?"

She paused for a moment, regretting the rude interruption to her monologue. Fortunately, as she adjusted her glasses, the history of her family was something she enjoyed discussing, so she answered him.

"Yes."

That was all she had to say? Usopp felt his jaw drop down.

"Y'know, hyping it like that just makes your answer feel kind of . . . silly."

She frowned at his words. Did the long-nosed man realize his words made no sense? If he really wanted to know more about her prestigious family, he would do better to ask her more pleasantly. She was torn for a moment between continuing her speech, which she enjoyed, or finishing him off with her ice blade, which he deserved.

"You do realize you're speaking aloud, right?" Usopp raised an eyebrow at her, expression deadpan. What kind of freak had he met this time?

Tashigi was stunned, her mouth opening into a wide 'O' shape. Was he attempting to confuse her? There was no conceivable way he had heard and understood her every thought. The notion that he was correct, and she was speaking aloud this whole time, never even crossed her mind; it was far too ludicrous. Someone would have mentioned something like that before, surely.

"Oh come on! Now you're even narrating your expression? And you must have considered it- you just told me!" Usopp looked at her funny. Was this some kind of prank?

Tashigi frowned at him. This . . . man must have some form of mind-reading ability. That was the only answer she could consider. It probably stemmed from his nose, she realized- there had to be something in there. Yes, it was definitely his nose that gave him his mind-reading powers.

"I don't have mind reading powers! Trust me, if I did, there's no way I'd be in this mess. I'd be rich or something," Usopp waved his arm across, casually dismissing her idea. She looked at him confidently- that just proved it!

"No it doesn't!" Usopp felt exasperated. Still, his leg was currently frozen to the ground, so he had no problem with distracting her.

As he thought that, something occurred to Usopp.

"Wait, did you just call yourself Tashigi?"

"Correct," asserted the young girl. She wondered how he had figured out her name, when she had never intro-

"That's enough of that. But, then what's your sister's name?"

"It is also Tashigi."

There was a small moment where they looked at each other, uncomprehending.

"You're . . . both named Tashigi?" She looked at him, curious. What was so strange about that?

"Well," Usopp decided to answer her 'thoughts' directly, "Isn't that weird? Your parents could at least call you similar names, like Tashigi and Pashigi. Washigi has a nice ring to it," he suggested.

"That's a terrible idea!" Tashigi sighed at his stupidity. "Our parents loved the name Tashigi most of all- why would they use anything else for their daughters?"

"Forget it," Usopp looked away from her, wondering how his life had led to this point. It was probably one of the Veggie Pirate's fault, he decided.

It occurred to Usopp Zoro wouldn't enjoy meeting her- if seeing one girl who looked like his dead friend freaked him out, than two wandering around would probably creep him out even more.

"Are you ignoring me?" Tashigi demanded, pointing her sword at his face. She was standing several metres away, meaning the point of the blade hovered uncomfortably close to his nose. Remembering he was in mortal peril, which was surprisingly difficult considering his opponent, Usopp quickly pulled out his Kabuto slingshot.

"Fire Star!" he yelled, shooting a flame attack at his shoe. The ice retracted as he leaped backwards, putting distance between them. In hindsight this was a terrible idea, as his leg was now on fire, and the boy sniper had been struck at point-blank range by one of his own bullets.

Ow.

The feeling was bad, even if he was able to pat out most of the flames. Unfortunately, while doing this, Tashigi had managed to draw in closer to him, slashing with her blade. His Kabuto's staff met it, just managing to block the attack. She grinned confidently, as the sword shimmered a pale blue and ice crystals began creeping up the slingshot.

Panicking, Usopp bashed her with the base of the slingshot, breaking free just in time. Had the actual bands at the top of his prized weapon turned to ice, he would have been unable to use a single attack. Wow, too close.

Shooting several fire stars as he backed away, Usopp began to feel his coward's senses tingling. This was getting dangerous! She slashed the air, small ice crystals darting towards him. Usopp was struck in the chest, suddenly ice-cold as he slammed backwards into a door.

"It seems my instincts were correct," muttered Tashigi as she approached him slowly, sword drawn. He couldn't tell if she was thinking that, or purposely speaking to him.

"What instincts?"

"Normally, when the captain brings new slaves in, we, um, ignore any noises or yells we hear."

Usopp recoiled, thinking about that for too long.

"As such, your friend's escapades and battles have been left alone, and the bulk of our crew have pretended not to notice the commotion in their rooms tonight."

"Wait, the others have fought?" Usopp's eyes shone with hope- maybe there wouldn't be any more battles left for him!

"Indeed. It was only after we heard some particularly loud crashes that we Tashigi Sisters decided to investigate, even if we might incur the captain's wrath. "

Well, that explained why a boat this size had been so deserted. But that also meant he could make as much noise as he wanted when fighting her, right? Usopp held onto his Kabuto carefully, the ice-coated staff slippery, as he pulled a familiar mask over his face. Now was the time to try out that new dial he'd found in his cabin . . .

Tashigi was calm, readying her sword for another ice attack. As a soft glow sprang from the sword, Usopp realized she was done talking- this was it. Readying the dial, he was sure this would work. Had to. If only he'd had longer to practice with it- this was only his second day in this dimension, so he really wasn't sure if he'd even figured it out.

"Well, here goes," spoke Sogeking confidently. He reached back, readying his attack. "Osmose~ Dial!"

_-witty scene change to Zoro-_

Zoro ran, just managing to avoid yet another lightning blast. Did this girl ever quit? Wooden hallways and doors flew past, but she was pretty sure she'd been here. After all, she hadn't gone on any stairs, so there was no way she'd left the area, right?

Or maybe she had . . . Damn, this place was a maze! Zoro gave up, figuring she could find her swords later. She was too pissed off to bother searching for them properly anyway- this girl was annoyingly loud, and she'd just been kidnapped. Spinning around, she decided to beat Tashigi first.

"Are you an idiot? There's no way you can face me and win!" crowed the slender swordswoman. She swung her sword, aiming right at her torso, as Zoro rolled out of the way. By accident, she remembered that she still had a makeshift weapon, as the handcuff and remaining length of chain on her hand whacked Zoro in the face.

Geez, that stung like hell. Still, she could use this. It was better than resorting to bastard moves like kicking, which was for curly-eye-browed losers who couldn't use a weapon. Swinging her arm across, her metre or so of chain whipped Tashigi, causing her to fall back.

Eyeing Zoro warily, she began to fire lightning blasts, relying on ranged attacks for the advantage.

"Bitch!" Zoro muttered, running straight through the lightning to lash her again. Tashigi's eyes widened, as her side was suddenly pounded with steel.

This girl never acted the way she thought she would . . . she was so reckless, and insanely strong! Wincing as she imagined the bruising, she lashed out wildly with her sword, Zoro dodging just in time. It was apparent that her sword skills weren't up to scratch, and Zoro was stronger, but she was still the one with the proper weapon. She just had to conserve her electric shocks wisely.

Zoro was taking advantage of her moment of thinking, trying to pull the damn chain off. Geez, it wasn't just steel. If she had a sword, she could probably break through it in an instant, but the damn thing was attached to one of wrists. Well, she could still use it like this, no big deal.

Rushing the bespectacled girl once more, she snapped her wrist back, whipping her right in the face. Using the moment as she flinched, Zoro ducked behind her, wrapping the chain around the girl's neck. Pulling with her free hand, she began to tighten, cutting off her air.

Tashigi panicked- she really wasn't ready for life or death battles. This was getting scary . . . as she struggled, she pressed her Jishinkaminarikajioyaji Shigure against the taller woman. Concentrating, lightning crackled right through her, basting Zoro right off of her!

Or not. Zoro merely gritted her teeth and continued, trying to knock her out without anything but the half-length of chain. She panicked, throat feeling tight, sending out yet more pulses of electricity. Zoro's hair flew up, her long sleeves flaring around wildly, but still she didn't let go. They stood like that for a little while, locked in a stalemate, until the electricity flared out.

The room felt oddly quiet, as Zoro let Tashigi drop to the ground.

In a rare moment of self-reflection, she realised it was scenes like this that gave her such a fierce reputation, and why some people were probably scared of her. Still, knocking a girl out was surely nicer than cutting her open dozens of times with chains, leaving cuts and prolonging the battle, right?

Whatever. Now that that was over, she quickly liberated the Ji- no, Tashigi's sword. Cutting off that damn chain, she was able to look for her own swords much more easily. Granted, she'd still rather wear that chain than anything Nami wore. Probably the first 'accessory' she'd worn in months, she laughed.

Glancing down nonchalantly at the girl, she was still creeped out that she looked so much like Kuina. She never did ask her about that. Oh well. Keeping the sword for the time being, she decided to head off. Even if her swords were hidden somewhere, she could always rescue the others.

Naturally, Zoro hadn't even considered her own injuries, or let herself feel them. Still, a passerby would have noticed that she had several small cuts along her body, a large one near the stomach still bleeding from when she was stabbed, her wrists were rubbed raw by the chains, her clothes, skin and hair were all burnt quite badly from electric attacks, and her mouth was bleeding slightly, also from the electricity.

Not bad for one fight, but it did make her pace a little slow as she searched. Fortunately, there wasn't much of a fighting force left on this boat . . .

_-scene changes, back due to popular demand-_

"Usopp?" Perona ran across the stairs, hands bent at her sides cutely. She landed on the main floor Usopp had been on; her ghost having led her to which way he was. Unfortunately, it had been dispersed right now, to try and save her limited reserves of happy spirits for a battle.

She felt almost blind without a ghost at her side- the pink-haired necromancer was used to having several pairs of eyes at all times; spying and keeping guard on all sides. On her own, she could be ambushed, or snuck up on . . . She shivered, wondering how the others coped.

She continued to run, sure Usopp had last been in this area. Her boot slipped in her rush, as she suddenly stepped onto a patch of ice. Wincing as she landed backwards, the cold seemed to go straight through her skirt. What the? The entire corridor was coated in patches of ice, shining off random walls and planks in the floor. Looking up further, she saw a woman with glasses, covered in ice.

That girl . . . she _was_ ice! But who would put a sculpture in the middle of the room like that? And it looked so real . . . As she got up carefully, and went to touch it, she noticed a figure behind the sculpture. A man stood tall, arms folded as he leant against the wall.

Without looking up, he seemed to notice her.

"Perona, it's good to see you," Usopp spoke.

"Kyaaa~ You did that, didn't you?" Perona ran forward, hugging him tightly, as Usopp tried to look cool. She felt so much better and safer around him. He was lucky he'd heard someone coming, giving him time to pose dramatically next to his fallen foe.

"Uh, sure did. We've nearly saved all of our friends in here, no problem." He grinned at her, trying not to blush. She felt so warm after that icy battle, it was weird.

"But how'd you do it? You don't have an ice star now, do you?" She looked up for a moment, unsure.

"It's my new technique," declared Usopp. "I'm one of the strongest warriors on the sea, remember?" His cool speech was ruined as she rubbed her face against his chest, and Usopp's blushing caused him to stammer. As always, he felt a slight twinge of guilt around her, knowing he didn't feel the way she did.

"Great! Now, let's go take care of the captain!"

Usopp's heart plummeted as he heard this, and was brought back to reality.

"Wait, what? I thought we were just rescuing the others?"

"Well, don't we have to reverse Sanji's statue thing as well?" Perona looked up curiously, as the obvious hit Usopp.

"I, uh, guess we should . . . " Usopp tried to stay calm at this thought, as his heart bounced around like an epileptic squirrel on ecstasy.

It would be okay, he had Perona, right? Okay, she could pump Hancock full of ghosts, and then he could sneak up from behind, and whack her with his staff. Yes, that would do it! While she was unconscious, they could tie her up, no problem. Then the whole thing would be solved.

Unknown to the sniper, Perona had next-to-no ghosts left, and was simply counting on his fantastic new technique to breeze through this. She wasn't really the planning type, currently filled with thoughts of revenge.

How dare that woman not call her cute, she cursed.

And so, the two of them made their way to Hancock's room, disastrously unprepared for what awaited them.

Just inside this very same room waited Vivi, who was too distraught over losing her only male prisoner to do more than clean the wreckage. She was dreading Hancock's return even more than Usopp was . . .

**Yay, another part done~ "Just a small introductory arc", my ass… Well, next part ends the Hancock sex slavery, finally, and then I can get to the proper stuff. I hope you like Usopp's new dial, this is gonna be loads of fun to write.**


	11. The climax, get it?

**Sorry about the length- I didn't want to break this part down for pacing, and it's now the longest part by far. Please enjoy it all, and thanks to Midirin for beta-ing duties~**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer 2: One Piece isn't mine who?**

**-still continued from previous disclaimers-**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 11- The climax (get it?)**

Boa Hancock strode into her room, expression high and haughty. She already knew the boy Luffy had managed to escape from her room, considering the battle that had gone on, but she was unprepared for the state of her quarters. Furniture was unrecognizable, wood, cloth and ceramic lying brokenly across the floor. What had gone on in here?

"Vivi," drawled Hancock. "What are you doing in _my _quarters without _my_ permission? This room looks like a bomb has hit it."

"Ah, Captain! I'm so glad you're back, please don't be mad!" Vivi prostrated herself at Hancock's feet, hoping she was in a merciful mood.

No, prostrated doesn't mean what it sounds like it should mean. She was grovelling, explained the mysterious-yet-definitely-handsome omnipresent narrator.

"What. Happened. Vivi?" thundered Hancock, in no mood for the answer.

"Well, the male Luffy, he escaped, and he used some kind of rubbery technique. I tried to stop him, I did!" Fortunately, Hancock's fury prevented her from questioning what Vivi had been doing near her room in the first place, or how his devil fruit had helped him remove seastone handcuffs, which should have prevented his power in the first place.

Ready to scream in frustration, Hancock lashed out, her heel meeting Vivi's stomach. She kneeled over, not daring to strike back. Head down, Vivi tried not to make a noise as Hancock went and prepared things for a bath.

"Stay here and tidy up," Hancock spoke like she wasn't there. "I'll be checking on your progress shortly."

Vivi went to answer her obediently, but Hancock had already left for the adjoining bathroom. Oh, Hancock could be cruel . . . why had she left her kingdom in the first place? It felt so long ago, and so distant. Still, she was as good as stuck here- Hancock wouldn't take too kindly to any deserters.

It wasn't just her fierce need to control everything, she mused. The crew knew enough to take her down, and send her to jail if they ever worked together and went public with news of her 'activities'. Unfortunately, all of the others enjoyed life on this boat, and were just as guilty of the same crimes. Forcing herself to smile, Vivi started collecting pieces of china that used to be an imperial vase.

-up on the deck, at roughly the same time-

Zoro grunted, taking another step. She was currently heading upstairs; sure this way led out to the deck. She could even smell the salt on the waves, if she could just make it there- it was slow going lugging such a heavy statue. And boy, for someone as obsessed with her image as Nami, her bust sure was heavy. The statue kind, I mean, although her actual bust was probably weighty as well.

See, Zoro had wandered aimlessly until she found a statue that looked suspiciously like Nami, and had decided to take it along with her. Seeing what had happened to Sanji, it didn't take a genius to figure out she had also been turned into stone. Unfortunately, Zoro being Zoro, the statue was up above her head in one hand like a weight, which should have made it impossible to move around freely for a normal person.

Of course, she had also wandered aimlessly more until all of her swords were found in some treasury, until there was a snail-like trail of blood from her injuries crossing the entire hallway of the lower decks. Dropping Nami next to her, she quickly realised all of the remaining life boats were gone. Frowning, Zoro continued searching until she found both miniature Going Merry's, complete with paddles, anchored next to the ship.

She knew, in the back of her mind, that some of the others must then be onboard, and have come separately for some reason, but she really didn't care. She was still bleeding freely, was badly injured, and really needed a drink. Besides, it was important to get Nami to safety or something, right? So, treading over to Nami's statue again, she lifted and dropped her from the side of the ship, all the way down.

With a small thud, she landed on the passenger side of the little boat, just as Zoro leaped down to meet her, skirt flying wildly as she dropped. Settling down comfortably, Zoro began to row back to the others, having taken the broken life boat Perona had used by accident. Still, she probably would have rowed anyway, and all exercise was good, so she didn't really mind.

It was after a good ten minutes of rowing that it occurred to her she could be going the wrong way.

It was hard to tell, seeing as there was thick fog smothering the air around her like a blanket of feather down pillows. Not only that, but she had no idea if their ship, the Thousand Sunny, had moved since she was kidnapped, where it was originally in relation to the Kuja's ship, or how to navigate and go in a straight line while on the ocean.

This could be a problem . . .

Perpendicular to Zoro's current direction, the Thousand Sunny currently drifted slightly across the waves. Franky was distracted from his sailing as Chopper and Robin had just arrived, weak and injured. Robin had used her Hana Hana no Mi, sprouting a succession of eyes on the palms of her many hands, and had managed to find the ship after a short while.

Currently, they were fighting over who should go back and support the rescue attempt. Chopper insisted that Robin was too injured from her imprisonment, and the various 'exercises' Kalifa had enjoyed with her. Simultaneously, she knew his injuries were worse, and was trying to keep him on the boat.

Sighing, Franky was trying to convince them that they could both rest, and keep him company if they really wanted to. If Usopp-bro managed to free any of the others, they'd be able to fight through pretty much anyone that stood against them. Besides, Perona had gone to investigate a small boat of some kind, and was probably helping him right now.

With a longing look at Sanji's statue, Chopper had agreed, resting with the conviction that he had to be alert when he healed whatever injuries they came back with.

This discussion was aided by a certain octopi, eyes streaming with tears, nose streaming with something else, as he hugged each and every one of them too often. Except for maybe Franky, who was the kind of guy to get emotional.

For Hatchi, their friendly neighbourhood stalker, had returned with Luffy's statue, which was currently propped next to Sanji's on the deck. His joy at being onboard their ship- _the Strawhat's ship!_- was evident, as he began kissing and hugging every plank of wood.

It was really kind of annoying, but he _had_ helped them, and from the sound of it Nami already knew he was there. Considering she was the one who hated Mermen the most, often insisting they should have their own toilets and areas to live in, there was little Franky could do to stop him. The idea of sending out the kid to help battle did occur to him, but Hatchi really wasn't up to much in a fight, and getting him off the boat would require force.

The short of all this meant that every Strawhat (and one ally) was accounted for, and off the boat safely, except for Usopp and Perona.

They were completely alone on the ship, and Boa Hancock, Vivi, and the remaining crewmates in their rooms were all ready to fight. Sure, Hancock was heavily injured, but her power was still as impossible to block as before. Vivi was injured, yes, but Perona was equally tired from such frequent use of her Positive Hollows.

They were, effectively, screwed. The betting odds for the upcoming battle were enough to make any gambling man flinch. It was the sort of thing, were they to win, that the sports broadcast on TV would call it 'a true underdog story'. It would even be tougher than Zoro's cooking.

-_But enough hype, lets go somewhere completely unrelated, shall we?-_

Ms Golden Week was currently lying sideways across her boat, shoes floating on the surface of the water. She was close to unconsciousness, experiencing a very vivid and entertaining dream thanks to her current high. Perona had dispersed the few ghosts keeping watch over her, after realizing this girl had, somehow, overdosed and put herself into a happy coma.

As such, she was currently in a blissful world without the effects of the ghosts, and would probably stay that way for a while. Thankfully, no one from her ship would arrive to see her like this in time, as preoccupied as they were with what happened next, so there was no way they could yell at her for losing so contentedly.

So Ms Golden Week continued to shine, drink pudding, and play with butterflies with striped socks, taken care of for the entire duration of this plot arc. Er, I mean night.

-_meanwhile, over where the wild things roam. If the wild things were civilized people on a ship, that is. Not that any of them were particularly civilised, with the possible exception of Vivi, but you understand what I'm trying to say_-

Usopp stood before a large, imposing double-door. It spoke of power and authority, intricately carved patterns over red and golden wood. Gulping, he tried to think of the plan he had for battle, which was only half-formed.

It was somewhat easier to imagine Hancock was only a human like him when he looked to his side, at a badly patched over hole in the wall. It practically screamed 'Luffy' not to bother using a door, and he was pretty sure he could tell by the shape of the outline as well.

"Okay," he whispered, drawing Perona over to his side. "I'd say Luffy's managed to escape, so she might not even be in there. However, we have to be prepared." Perona nodded her assent to everything he said, an overly-serious expression on her face.

"So, here's what we'll do. You go in first, and swarm the place with ghosts. Make sure you hit anyone who might be in. Then-"

"Um, Usopp?" Perona raised a hand up, as if she was in grade school.

"Yeah?"

"I have about enough for four more hollows, or so. I'm kinda exhausted from another battle I had," she offered as an explanation, smiling as she knocked herself on the head.

"You tell me this now!" Usopp freaked out, hands on his face reminiscent of the classic _The Scream_ painting by Edvard Munch. Shivering, he realised all of his plans had relied on the girl stunning people for a surprise attack by him. Now . . . he'd have to fight fairly!

"Who's there?" a sharp tone sounded from inside. Usopp looked up, just in time to see Vivi open the door and glare at them. Crap, he was too loud!

Before he could speak, a long whip-weapon had picked him up, hauling him into the room with a thud.

"Usopp!" Perona ran in, as Vivi lashed out at her with her whip.

Looking around, Usopp quickly took stock of his surroundings. Ruined carpet for floor, remains of a chandelier and some china stuff decorated on top of it. One side had a gigantic, four-poster bed (also wrecked), and the other had a huge window, which was shattered open. Finally, a door near the entrance led to an adjoining room, which was shut.

"Do as I say, Perona! Those ghosts have to count!" yelled Usopp nervously, as he fired several flame stars at Vivi. Was she really their opponent? It felt weird to strike the blue-haired princess, but she attacked them first.

Vivi leaped backwards, avoiding the attacks. She sent out a snaking strike with her whip, which hit Usopp right across the chest. He'd missed with the impact dial that time- the whip was so small and fast, he couldn't block it properly.

"Perona, an exploding ghost, now!" he cried, readying his Kabuto.

"Okay!" she dutifully agreed, a bouncing, smiling version of her combustive ghost appearing next to her. Vivi leapt backwards, her chain striking it before it could get close to her, wasting the explosion.

Oh man.

"Retreat for now! She's too tricky!" decided Usopp, his legs powering him away to the exit. Unfortunately, Vivi merely laughed, throwing him away from the door with her whip-chain thing. She was really winning a battle! Wow! Her eyes shone- this was one of the few times she'd felt so empowered in weeks.

"Okay then . . . depression ghost, quickly!" yelled Usopp, firing off random caltrops and jalapeño stars in the hopes of distracting her.

Head cocked to one side, Perona looked at him, "You a mean positive ghost?"

"Yeah, one of those, just right now!" He panicked, not realising he'd slipped up.

Perona complied, a grinning spirit chasing Vivi around the large room. She twirled and danced across the ruined floor, back flipping off the chandelier with fluid movements. Perona's eyes shone, as she imagined being able to move like that herself- gymnastics were super cute! Shaking her head, she admonished herself; now wasn't the time.

Vivi continued to spin across the room, avoiding Perona's hollow along with Usopp's frenzied attacks. She danced towards Perona, lashing out with a kick-whip combo that sent her into the wall.

"Perona!' Usopp yelled, as his only ally bounced to the floor, and her ghost faded with the impact. A flurry of attacks with his Kabuto (and one rubber band) forced Vivi to ease away, giving the lolita girl time to get back up.

"Her speed's her main advantage- we just have to stop her somehow . . ." mused Usopp, trying to think. His new dial was useless against her attacks, so he wasn't sure how he could do this. Wait- his new dial!

"Perona, send one at me!"

"Why? You'll lose then, Usopp-sop!" Perona halted, undecided.

"No, trust me, just do it!" He cried, voice quivering like a little girl's. Please work, please work, please work!

The positive hollow swept across the room, landing into Usopp's outstretched dial. The little black machine whirred slightly, as his tightly gripped arm began to tense up.

"Osmose dial!" he cried, as his entire body became albescent and milky white, the window behind him visible through his chest all of a sudden.

Perona's eyes became as wide as dinner plates, as Vivi stopped in her tracks, eyeing the boy warily. What had just happened?

Usopp ran at her, brandishing his Kabuto like a staff, as Vivi dodged to her side. Whatever it was, she was sure she could still beat him- he was sticking to attempted close-range attacks, which she was best at dealing with.

Her chain whipped through the air, slicing through the translucent Usopp with no effect.

"What?" She froze, unsure of how to act, as Usopp charged. No matter how she ducked, weaved and spun, her dodging was getting her nowhere if she couldn't fight back. Her whip continued to pass harmlessly through Usopp, who was grinning in the way only a lifelong coward who had suddenly become invincible can.

Changing tactic, she decided to go on the offensive, and strike him directly. Maybe if she got her hands on that weird cog-thing, she could hit him again?

Which was exactly what Usopp had hoped for. As soon as he was at close range, he slammed a fist into her, knocking Vivi back. At this moment, several things happened.

Pop! Usopp went back to normal, transparency gone.

Vivi flew backwards, landing on the ground with no sign of resistance.

Her face also changed, as she happily lost herself in the positive hollow stupor.

"Usopp, you did it!" Perona ran forward, hugging him tightly.

"Uh, yeah. Quickly, tie her up!" Usopp ran to her whip, trying to make sure Vivi couldn't fight them any longer. He really was unwilling to hurt the girl- he still saw his nakama when he thought of Vivi.

"But how'd you do it?"

"My Osmose Dial. It absorbs any attack sent at me," grinned Usopp. He rubbed a finger under his nose as he explained it, enjoying the chance to brag.

"Unlike the Impact Dial, which sends attacks straight back out, this one transforms my body into the attack. Get it?"

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"I didn't feel a thing!" at this point, his arms were on his hips, standing tall next to the defeated Vivi, as the door opened. "I can defeat anyone on the grand sea!"

Usopp stared. Perona stared. Hancock, who had just entered the room, stared.

"Is that so, male," whispered the sultry captain. She really had had enough of the Strawhats to last a lifetime. Defeat anyone? Ha! She'd show him.

Usopp leaped backwards, eyes popping out as he saw her. She hadn't been defeated yet? Well, there went his last hopes. Perona stood next to him, glaring and rubbing her side, still injured. Vivi suddenly woke up and started struggling against her whip, which was tied into two extravagant, pretty bows.

Cleverly, she had been tied to one of the posts on the bed, and was weak enough after all that running and her fight with Luffy to remain caught. So that took care of one opponent, thought Usopp as he adjusted his stance nervously.

Hancock stood at the opposite end of the room, gaze cool and collected. It was around this point in time Usopp noticed that she had just come from the bath or shower. Her hair was still glistening and clung to her neck and back, and small droplets of water shone along her skin. She was only clad in a bath towel, which was mercifully supported by her figure, and was long enough not to show anything.

"Usopp, don't you dare look at her!" demanded the smaller, noticeably thinner girl next to him.

"How could anyone not?" Hancock laughed.

"Let's just defeat her, hurry up and use your ghost!" Usopp stared at the floor as he said this, worried about turning into a statue.

"How dare you say I'm not attractive enough to be kidnapped! You'll pay for that," fumed Perona.

"If anyone can decide who isn't sexy, it's me!" Hancock arrogantly tossed her hair back, getting annoyed with this little girl's behaviour.

"Who cares about that? Sexy's a look for middle-aged hags who can't be cute anymore." Perona spoke confidently, relishing the vein that burst on Hancock's forehead to that last remark.

"Wow, she sure can hold a grudge, huh . . . ?" muttered Usopp, wondering how long this would go on for. He made a small mental note that the Perona in his world was probably just as mad at him- he'd have to sleep with one eye open.

"Hurry up and get her! What if we're turned to stone?" he hissed at Perona. For her part, she was so sure Usopp would never look at Hancock that it really wasn't a concern.

"Just do it!" Usopp wasn't sure how much longer his legs would hold out, as they shook loudly in fear.

"Alright! Positive hollow- go!"

Perona wiped sweat off her forehead as she mustered up one last spirit, and it flew straight into Hancock. So convinced nothing would attack her that she couldn't beat, she didn't see it coming, and the ghost was a direct hit.

There was a small moment where her expression didn't change. Had it worked? Then, her eyes glazed over, and she started to move her hands up and down, as if grabbing something.

"Oh . . . harder . . ." she murmured, as Usopp wondered what exactly her happiest dream was.

"Yes! HARDER! FASTER!" Cried Hancock, getting more and more excited. Sweat dripped off the back of Usopp's head, as he realised exactly what kind of thoughts she was heaving. He quickly began attacking Hancock, setting caltrops around the captain, dousing her with gooey bombs and shooting stars at her to little effect.

She continued to rock back and forth, enjoying her fantasy far too much to be socially appropriate. "YES! OH YES! OHHHHHHH~" Hancock sunk to her knees, having just orgasmed in front of Usopp- a sight almost as terrifying as it was a turn on.

"Usopp, keep attacking!"

"Huh, what?" Was all he had time for, before Hancock rose up to her feet. Looking down slightly and blushing, she realised what had happened, but quickly turned those feelings into anger.

"How dare you deceive me! What was that!" She patted out the few bullets that had struck her, which were nothing compared to the attacks she had suffered from Luffy.

Usopp gulped. "Any ideas now?"

"That was my last hollow! How dare you get distracted and waste it!" Perona hit him on the head, frustrated.

Hancock leered, staying put where she was amongst the spiked caltrops he had scattered. "I don't even have to move to defeat you!" she declared, dropping her towel a few inches. Usopp looked down right away, narrowly avoiding a direct gaze, but Perona was hit with the full force of the deadly surprise attack.

She gazed in wonder for a moment, weakened, before Hancock pulled another, more suggestive pose. It was working, as her drool attested to, but not as well as it had on Nami. She thought for a moment, before leaping over the caltrops to a chest of drawers near her bed. Usopp flinched backwards, trying to flee, but Perona wouldn't budge.

"C'mon! Let's get out of here!" he tugged on her hand incessantly.

Direct attacks really weren't in his nature, okay? It was strategy, not cowardice.

Hancock turned back to them, wearing a pair of cat ears on her raven hair.

"This should do it. Nya?" She raised one hand like a paw, blushing as best as she could. Perona squealed at the super-effective attack, hardening to stone instantly.

"Another victory," Hancock laughed with an evil smile. "I haven't practiced cute attacks in so long; it's good to know I'm still the best at them." She turned her gaze towards Usopp, who was currently half way between crying and a stroke.

"C-c-couldn't you at least change into something better suited for a battle? I'll wait!" he offered, hand shielding his eyes.

"No, I don't think I'll do that," smiled Hancock, looking down at her bath towel. "Besides, for this kind of battle, it's probably the best armour I could hope for!" She laughed.

Truly, she had forgotten how fun it was to be the aggressor in combat. After her frustration with the Strawhat captain, it felt fantastic to breeze through her opponents like they were nothing.

"Now, how will you go? Any requests?"

Usopp said nothing, stammering gibberish as he tried to simultaneously threaten her, plead for his life, and ask for a swimsuit all at once.

"Or how about the old fashioned classic?" Hancock placed her hands together in a heart shape, smiling a radiant, nicer smile all of a sudden. "Love-Love Mellow!" She cried, a heart-shaped beam heading straight towards Usopp.

Was this really how it ended? Would he be stuck in this dimension forever, turned into a statue? There was so much he hadn't seen and done- met the giants of Eblaf, or the mermaid princess in the New World, increased his bounty with the others. He'd never play with the others again . . .

Fear made him move fast. In a split-second, his dial was up in front of his face, eyes clenched shut. "Osmose Dial!" he screamed, expecting the worst. Nothing happened for a moment, the room silent except for the creaking of the ship. Hesitantly, he opened one eye, and then the other.

Wow. Hancock stood in front of him, eyes filled with wonder and appreciation. Usopp looked down, and realised what had happened. His arms rippled with muscle, his body taller and more masculine. Taking off his Sogeking mask, Hancock gasped.

Usopp had wavy, lustrously-well-kept hair. His eyes were thin, long eyelashes standing out against his perfect skin. Usopp spoke in a lower, deeper voice, "Oh you like this, do ya?"

He tentatively flexed, trying not to laugh at the effect it had on her. Couldn't waste this chance . . .

He shook his head, hair and nose waving across gorgeously as if in slow motion. Leaning in towards her, he took off his shirt, which was the finishing blow. Hancock blushed a deeper red than her own blood, and turned to stone. He'd done it!

Usopp felt his body revert to normal, the power fading after one use. Damn, he wished he'd had the time to get some photos. Looking across, he was dismayed to see Perona was still a statue. Somehow, he'd hoped that turning Hancock herself into a statue would reverse the effect of her powers on Perona and Sanji (along with Luffy and Nami, unknown to him).

What could he do now? Crossing his arms deep in thought, he was suddenly interrupted by a gasp from Vivi.

"What did you do! How- how could that happen?" she struggled against her bonds, confused.

"I used her power back at her, like earlier," Usopp grinned sheepishly. He was too tired to brag and boast, and was close to falling asleep after such an emotionally-draining night.

"But- how? Hancock never liked boys!" insisted Vivi, perplexed by this flaw in logic.

"Didn't you know?" Usopp readied his breath, ready to say the exact same thing Hancock had thought towards Nami.

"All women are secretly bisexuals!"

And so, the Strawhat pirates defeated the Shichibukai Boa Hancock and her crew. Shortly after the battle, Usopp managed to force Vivi into telling him the secret trick into reversing the statues Hancock turned them into. It was simple, when he threatened to tip Hancock's statue out of the window.

He was slightly puzzled by her attitude to a captain that scared her, but obviously Vivi was a loyal person, and maybe enjoyed life on here for some reason. Regardless, he discovered the statue's one weakness, which was proven on Perona.

Simply by sliding a cucumber into the mouth of someone turned into a statue, they returned to normal! As a precaution, Usopp took every cucumber they had on board, checking their kitchen thoroughly. They'd have to wait quite a while until they reached the next town, before Hancock could be recovered.

During this process, quite a few other crewmates had gathered, and surrounded Hancock's statue reverentially. A single man turning their captain into stone? It was unheard of.

Usopp threatened to do the same to all of them, and made good use of Tashigi (frozen one) as an example of how powerful he was. Thankfully, his lies were up to scratch, and he was treated like an honoured guest among them. After that, he quickly ascertained the others had escaped, which made his climatic victory feel somewhat less important- how he would have loved to rescue Luffy or Zoro from chains!

Seeing how the crew treated them for beating Hancock, Usopp and Perona took the opportunity to demand the best of their treasure from the treasury, in return for 'sparing the crew'. Hey, they were going to get _something_ out of this night, whatever it was.

And so, burdened with two sacks of treasure and one bag of cucumbers, they departed on the remaining mini Merry that was still stationed outside. The dawn sky was a mere hour away as they departed, full of high spirits. He'd really done it- Usopp had defeated her! A Shicibukai!

The others were gonna hear about this for months. He could already see the spin he would put over it . . .

Settling against the side of the boat, Usopp began to plan. "Hancock had turned both of my legs to stone, and her entire crew were positioned around us, swords at the ready. Got it?"

"Could that room really hold her whole crew?" Perona looked towards him sceptically.

"Listen, the details aren't important. We've just gotta make it sound more dangerous, okay? Besides, none of the others know how big the room was except for Luffy, who won't remember."

"Usopp, is this _really_ what all great pirates do with their stories?"

"Of course! Old Roger did this all the time. Did I ever tell you about the time I met him?"

"You did?"

"Of course! I taught him personally!"

**Well, that wraps up that! Huge thanks to everyone who's read this far, I hope you stick around for more. I've only asked this once before, and I feel kinda demanding, but I'd really like reviews for this one, heh. So if anyone feels like telling me what I did right, and what they'd like to see more of, please do~ Constructive criticism is particularly welcome, as always. **

**Oh, and a poll's still up with a teaser for the next arc, although it'll be going down by part 12's release, roughly. **

**Don't worry, Sanji's going to get some focus soon to compensate for lately, fangirls. But next part is reserved for a certain musical skeleton- Brook fans, rejoice, for his long awaited appearance! (I think that's just you, CSpacian xD)**


	12. Finally! More afro jokes!

**Disclaimer one: One Piece isn't mine to enjoy; it's all of ours. Oh, and I don't own it xP**

**-continued from previous disclaimers-**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 12- Finally! More afro jokes!**

**Well, here it is- against impossible hype and expectation, Brook finally arrives!**

The Thousand Sunny sailed onward, cruising through the waves. The infamous mist and fog of the Devil's Triangle was largely past, hanging over the horizon behind them.

Usopp, Perona, Zoro and Nami had all arrived reasonably early in the morning, despite the fog. When Perona had napped for an hour or so, leaning against the sniper boy as she did so, she had managed to recover enough stamina to search with a few of her hollows, and found the Thousand Sunny with ease.

Despite remaining Zoro-less, the urge to put distance between them and the Kuja's pirate clipper was high. Even through the daylight-weakened fog they had wasted another few hours before finding Zoro, their navigating fighting against Zoro's sense of direction as they both searched for each other near-randomly in the ocean.

The crew of the Strawhat pirates were now celebrating, drinking and laughing onboard the deck together. After the events of the last night, they were all in need of some good times. Usopp was re-telling a different version of the night's events to Luffy, Sanji and Franky, where he had been turned to stone, and broken out by sheer force of will.

Robin and Zoro were in the middle of a drinking contest, the kind Nami normally dominated. Not that any of them were close to alcoholic- it's pronounced, 'drinking enthusiast', they declared together.

Perona was busy trying to silence, and 'cuteify' Chopper, who she had just cornered near the wheel with some random bows and laces. Nearby, Hatchi was sulking, being told he had to leave the boat that night by Nami- apparently when she told him he could go on their boat, it was a one-time deal. Her actual words were 'might let you join', with a heavy emphasis on the 'might'. Still, all in all, everything seemed at peace, and perfectly innocent.

As this happened, a lone figure climbed the back of their ship. A slight girl with dark hair and low glasses, it was undeniably one of the Tashigi sisters- this one wielding a crimson blade.

While it was unclear to anyone watching whether this was one of the two who had fought Zoro and Usopp on board the Kuja's ship, or a third sister altogether, her sword was certainly different. Climbing up the last of her rope, she swung over the railing, lying low.

The night sky seemed unnaturally bright, the almost full moon hanging large over her. Just her luck, she cursed, as her figure was silhouetted clearly against the ocean. Running fast and keeping behind cover, she closed the distance between them, climbing over some barrels.

Her target was Usopp, the cursed man who had dared to defeat their beautiful captain in combat. She was hungry for revenge, and didn't care what her crewmates thought.

"Oh Tashigi, it's too dangerous, wait until we are stronger," pah. Those were weak words- where was their loyalty and pride? Her justice would be swift and clinical in its execution.

Drawing her blade, she began to leap, hoping to reach Usopp in one swift jump.

"Kasai Kaen Kaijin Kaki-Kaji Kemuri Kashou Kaibun Shigure!" she cried, the sword bursting into flames even as she recited the alliteration-obsessed name of her blade.

Usopp's back whirled around as if in slow motion, not seeing her until it was far too late. Before he could yell, or any of the others could react, she closed in, slashing with the flaming steel-

-Which was blocked by a long cane sword. Usopp's eyes seemed to blur, as he looked directly into someone who had saved him, who quickly fought back. The figure lifted the girl up by the collar like she was a rag doll, sinking his fangs into Tashigi's neck with frightening speed.

Usopp's eyes widened as he saw the wavy afro, the thin frame and suit. There was no doubt it was Brook. Stumbling backwards, the musical skeleton turned to him, expression fiercely snarled, crimson blood dripping freely between his fangs. His very bones seemed different, mysterious symbols carved along his arms.

"Wha-wha-wha," gibbered Usopp, freaking out. What the heck?

"Gyah!" Hatchi decided to leap overboard at this point, screaming.

"Brook, buddy, is that you?" Usopp stammered, sure he was seeing things wrong. Had to be.

"Yo," offered the skeleton in a surprisingly serious voice. He turned his back on Usopp for a minute, finishing his noisy, gruesome feeding before dumping the body overboard (incidentally landing on top of Hatchi, who fainted immediately).

"Brook! Quit feeding in front of us- it's creepy!" Nami insisted, Sanji muttering his agreement.

"This guy has the worst table manners." Usopp looked back at them- why weren't they freaking out more? Was this normal? Please don't let it be normal.

"Wow, you sure took care of her quick! It's been a while, Brook!" Luffy tugged Brook's sleeve like a little kid, laughing.

"Ever so sorry, I didn't mean to startle anyone," Brook apologized. His wording was the same as ever, but he was busy gazing up at the sky, and seemed very distant. The last of Tashigi's blood was still dribbling down his visible jawbone, ominously.

Brook made a guttural sound similar to a sigh, and his fangs disappeared. Well, retracted was a better word- as a skeleton, you could see the bone grinding and changing shape along his jaw. Perona, Chopper, and Usopp all tried not to say anything at this point, all shaking in badly-disguised fear.

Usopp felt his heart thump loudly, realising his newest nakama was also a vampire. Was that even possible for a skeleton? Was he dangerous?

"Oh? Where is your afro, the sign of our bond?" Brook asked, looking down absentmindedly. His voice was still grave, but he seemed somewhat more normal than when his fangs were out.

"Don't remind me," Usopp curled up into a ball sadly, "it ran away."

"Oh, I am so sorry!" Brook waved his hands back and forth, alarmed as Usopp began snivelling.

"There there, it'll be okay," Perona wrapped an arm around him, as Luffy messed up his hair teasingly.

"I'm sure it'll grow back, right?"

"Yeah, maybe Luffy," Usopp stuttered. Chopper ran over to comfort his friend also, causing Nami to sigh.

"He's lying again, dumbasses!"

"That's so cold, Nami . . . "

"Wait; is my afro in danger of fleeing as well?" Brook patted his hair, sounding alarmed.

"Not if you use my special shampoo- only 10 000 Beli a bottle!" Nami grinned, instantly changing her opinion on escaping hairstyles.

Usopp couldn't help but sigh in relief at the exchange- Brook really wasn't that different from regular Brook. Unless he valued his afro as a sign of a vampiric cult or something, he mused, but whatever. He continued to rock back and forth sadly for a little, entirely because of the 'my afro ran away' story, and not in the least because he was still terrified.

Nope, having a demonic, stronger and more vicious version of the dead guy living with them wasn't horrifying or creepy at all. He was fine~

"Hey, I could have used that," Zoro poked Brook in the back with the hilt of a sword. Brook turned around, acknowledging her without saying anything.

"I meant her sword- it was a freakin' fire sword, right?"

"You're welcome to retrieve it from the ocean," he replied gravely. Usopp noticed he was stiffer, too- was he touchy when reminded of his victims? Shuddering, he tried to imagine scenes where Tashigi number 3 was alive and well. There weren't many.

Eventually, their relaxing party atmosphere resumed, although Usopp wasn't as calm. He kept looking over to Brook- the skeleton seemed as detached and isolated from them as Robin when she had first joined, if not more so.

Eventually, in the conversation, he discovered the reason Brook had been mysteriously absent for his journey so far.

"You sure you okay, bro?" Frank had enquired. "That was a heck of a lot of silver they threw at you back there- I could feel it where I was standing!" Brook had noncommittally said he was fine, which ended the subject rather quickly. Chopper had tried to be brave, insisting in his low, bad accent that Brook come for a check up tomorrow.

"After all, ist only fur days since you is attacked, no? Coffin or no coffin, I insist."

"_After all, it's only been four days since you were attacked, right? With the coffin or without, I insist you come for a check up,"_ translated Usopp mentally. He was starting to get the hang of Chopper's unique speech pattern, finally.

This implied their last adventure had ended with them getting injured, which was normal, and that Brook was weak to silver. Taking hurried notes, Usopp tried to learn about them from these snippets.

His coffin? He assumed Brook had been sleeping off his injury down in the ship in his coffin, which made sense for a vampire. Franky was also weak to silver- of course, he'd almost forgotten he was a werewolf.

Gulp. They seemed on good terms, but weren't werewolves and vampires meant to go together like cheese and chocolate? Er, which is to say badly, and not often. Man, he didn't even get his own metaphors anymore- that was the last time he let Robin (or Blabin, as he had started to think of her ghetto version) talk him into drinking with them.

Giggling over his own metaphors, he decided Brook was on their side, and tried to sleep easier that night. He didn't feed that often, right? It was only as he turned over restlessly, his hammock swinging beneath him, that he realised what else had been bugging him.

Those symbols! Gasping, he sat up, nearly falling over. Brook's entire skeletal body was covered in strange carvings, running along his limbs. He remembered seeing glimpses along his arms, collar and ankles, and finally placed what they were.

Holy shit. Those were the same symbols described and drawn by Robin- Poneglyphs! Somewhere, somehow, maybe when he was unable to find his body, Brook's bones had been taken and carved into with that ancient language. He was a living, breathing, or at least moving, Poneglyph cube.

"Oh man . . . ," he fell backwards, head hitting the pillow. There was no way this was a good thing. More likely, Brook was being actively hunted by the Marines, and had some kind of doomsday prophecy inscribed on his left ass cheek.

He recalled how wistful Robin got when Poneglyphs were mentioned, and how much trouble Franky dragged them into back at Water Seven over one blueprint from a Poneglyph.

_This really isn't fair. Why can't anyone be nicer, or richer or something here? Instead, they're all just freakier. Well, I guess Perona's nicer to me here, but that itself *is* freaky._

With those grand thoughts, Usopp finally drifted off to sleep.

The next day, he discovered one more aspect of Brook's vampiric persona. Belatedly, he had remembered vampires aren't meant to go out in the sunlight, and was unprepared for what happened. Drinking some water as he went out, the beautiful afternoon sun welcomed him, along with a few clouds.

Brook was already out leaning against the railings, and caught the full blast of the light as a cloud moved past, opening up the sky. The piercing light seemed to have physical force, shining down upon him, and Brook's reaction was immediate.

His entire body sparkled.

Hand up reflexively up against his eyes, Usopp squinted as he tried to figure out what was going on. Brook didn't seem aware of it, still standing stoic towards the sea, but every Poneglyph symbol along his body was glowing vibrantly, visible through his suit and top hat.

It wasn't just a regular glow, though- his entire body seemed to glitter, in a way far too _shimmery_ for someone so serious and vicious just last night. Like sparkly make up, all over his bones. Hand over his mouth now, Usopp quickly went back inside, trying not to laugh.

Collapsing against the door, he burst out into chuckles, safely out of sight of the skeleton. He laughed for a good few minutes, unable to stop- it was such a silly looking thing, and once he started he couldn't stop. He began laughing at everything else that had happened, like the idea of telling Zoro he'd seen a girl version of him, or telling Nami to try dating Luffy.

It was just too much, and he hadn't laughed properly since entering this strange dimension. You know what they say, you either laugh or cry in these situations, and that choice was clear. Luffy joined him, wondering what he was laughing about, and peeked through the porthole in the door.

The moment he saw, he joined in too, gales of hearty laughter joining Usopp's gasps. The sight of Brook's sparkly body always amused him, after all. Checking again, Usopp confirmed that there were symbols all over his torso, including a strange round symbol near the left of his bottom that he might need to get translated.

It was a good moment, and helped Usopp realize that his crew mates were still his crew mates. He'd been alternating between thinking of them as dream characters, to be treated however he wished until he got back to his own world and forgot about them, or as real people.

Now, the choice was simple- after all that had happened, how could he not acknowledge these people as his friends, and nakama? From that day forth he resolved to always think of them like that, even when he made it back to the world he knew, with the more normal versions of them.

**A/N: Aw yeah, taking the classy route with a twilight joke. Not that I really dislike it- I haven't read any of the books, and know nothing about the series xD **

**So, any thoughts on Brook? I'll be sure to explore his vampire side properly soon, as well as the consequences of the whole Poneglyph thing. More later~

* * *

**

_Extra stuff~_

_The Tashigi's swords are all named after real Japanese words, according to my translator._

_All of the swords have –Shigure at the end, as Shigure's the name of Tashigi's actual blade in One Piece._

_Jishinkaminarikajioyaji Shigure = Thunder Shigure. I discarded that name at first glance, but a convo (thanks Midirin!) helped me realise it was perfect for a train-wreck style comedy, which this is fast becoming. _

_Hi Shigure = Hi can mean Ice, which is pretty straight forward. The only joke here is when compared to the stupidly long Thunder sword introduced just before, which makes it stand out pretty badly. _

_Kasai Kaen Kaijin Kaki-Kaji Kemuri Kashou Kaibun Shigure =_

_Fire Flame Ash Fire-Fire Smoke Burn Ash Shigure, if you translate each word literally. I loved making this tongue twister, as pretty much every word related to fire in Japanese starts with either a 'K'' or a 'H'. The alternate name wasn't as long, however. _

_Oh, and there may be more coming later on in the story, too~_

_(I say that, but I've only planned one, and I don't think it'll fit in soon =.=)_


	13. Not exactly an Iron Chef

**Disclaimer: Did you really just waste five disclaimers on a lame knock knock joke stating you don't own One Piece? =.= **

**Still, at least I'm the first to do something like that, right? :D**

…

**You could have just typed gibberish for a whole disclaimer- no one reads these anyway…**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 13- Not exactly an Iron Chef**

Usopp rested against the back of his hammock, his room lit by a lone flickering candlelight. He kept his room dim, not using a lantern in case someone noticed and wondered what he was writing.

Scribbling in his small, cursive handwriting, he bit his lip for a moment of thought. His notebook was already half filled with this universe's Usopp's drafting invention ideas, and random doodles of Sogeking and his assistant Chopperman, that he did whenever he got bored. Usopp planned on flicking through those pages later, having only glanced so far to make sure there was no diary or Captain's Log.

Admittedly, he had kept a Captain's Log for a while back in his world.

If this Usopp had, his current life would be much easier, really. No more surprises would await him, for one. The current page, however, contained nothing of the sort. This page was perhaps the most important thing he had ever written. He might have already figured out something about this world . . .

-Three days ago -

"You don't need both hands to crack an egg, that just wastes time," sighed Sanji. Usopp looked up, fumbling his last egg, allowing yolk to decorate the floor.

"Uh, sorry, I'll clean that up."

Usopp was currently being treated to an impromptu cooking demonstration, and was learning how to make something simple- Sanji's patented three egg tamagoyaki. It was similar to the omelettes he had grown up with, and Sanji had explained the rather basic recipe a few times now, which totally didn't explain why they had been here for most of an hour without any progress at all.

Usopp was an artistic person- an inventor, painter, and stuff like that. Their ship's flag, the fantastic Sniper Island theme song (it's in your heart!), or Luffy's awesome boxing persona, was a testament to this. But that didn't necessarily mean he had any cooking ability, which he didn't.

"Listen, I'll grab the eggs, you just oil the pan," Sanji sounded annoyed, but didn't yell at him.

"Um, how much oil do ya want? Like this?" Usopp asked, calmly filling the entire frying pan with the whole bottle.

"That's too much, dumbass!"

Usopp watched, amazed, as the curly eyebrowed blonde quickly prepared another pan and cleaned his first one whilst preparing the soup. He made it look effortless, almost like a dance.

Usopp tried rolling one of the tamagoyaki, somehow getting egg all over the roof with calm, careful, collected movements. Sanji groaned again, taking a drag from his joint to calm himself down. If Usopp was such a pain in the kitchen (and he was), then why did Sanji want him to help?

He recalled Sanji going to say something last night, when they were celebrating, but getting interrupted when Brook had appeared and started freaking the shit out of him. What had that been about?

Panicking, as the open kitchen was suddenly filled from wooden floor to ceiling with thick, twisting smoke, Usopp remembered- Sanji had thanked him for saving Nami and the other girls. Something about how he should have been there?

Usopp mused for a moment, realising this was Sanji's way of thanking him. He must have felt pretty powerless, missing an entire battle because he was too easily attracted to girls, and even nearly losing their captain.

Of course, there was no way they would have a serious, heart-felt discussion about this- being Sanji, some gruff words and a silent way of showing he was grateful were the most he would get. Being the man he was, Sanji always had to do things alone, regardless if it was battles or his feelings.

His insightful moment was interrupted, as Chopper came in and helped rescue the kitchen from Usopp's cooking.

"Is time for check up," he explained, dragging Usopp away. He felt fine, there really wasn't a need for that . . . besides, Chopper's voice was still disturbing for more than a sentence or two at a time.

"No, I insist! Is only two days since battle with Hancock, and you had extreme shock," Chopper pouted, used to this reaction. The number of good patients who happily tried to get better and cooperate with their doctor on this boat were non-existent.

"Geez, fine . . . See ya later, Sanji." Sanji waved him out as he begun cleaning the kitchen, slightly grumpily. In his eyes, he didn't owe Usopp a thing now, considering the state of his benches.

Over in Chopper's study, Usopp laid down on a couch, and begun reciting his trauma.

"I think I may have mother issues. I see her every time I look at pictures of her."

"It is not psychologist exam!" Usopp laughed as Chopper wailed, enjoying this. The little reindeer redefined gullible, even if he did play along occasionally.

Fortunately, the exam itself was short, as Usopp had very few actual physical injuries. The only damage that he had received from that night, was from getting knocked over and shooting himself in the foot whilst fighting Tashigi, and when he got slightly whipped by Vivi. Hancock's battle style left no marks, after all.

It was on his way out, as Chopper was frantically looking for Zoro (who was stubbornly avoiding help), that he ran into Franky.

"Usopp-bro!"

The muscle-bound cyborg hi-fived him, and wondered if he wanted to work on 'that project' some more. Things had finally quieted down, and they really ought to get it done before the next town, he declared.

Curious, Usopp followed him down into a garage-style space, deep at the bottom of the Thousand Sunny. It seemed dark, as the only light was suspended over the main workbench, and a vast space was left empty for the shell of smaller boats and inventions.

"So, uh, how far did we get?" Usopp probed. He really wished he had some memories of this time, it was getting annoying having to constantly figure out what had happened before.

"We'd nearly found a material that should do it, but it was too heavy to fold or sew through."

Franky grinned, unrolling a large sheet of paper. One half had a large blueprint, with measurements and notes in a fine mechanical pencil, obviously his. The other half simply had a stylish picture of Brook wearing a long, billowing trenchcoat, painted in a messy but dynamic paint. Usopp laughed when he saw that- it was obviously his half of the paper, and the skeleton with a trenchcoat along with his afro and sword looked really cool.

"So, any ideas since last time?" Franky grinned, also liking the picture. Scanning the notes, Usopp quickly realised what they were up to-

"It has to block the sun . . ."

"Yeah, that's about it. And it has to cover most of his body, too." Franky gave him a thumbs-up. Boy, he sure liked posing.

"Those symbols aren't on his face, fortunately. But what about his feet?" Usopp scratched his head absentmindedly, liking the sound of this.

"His boots are thick enough to block that. Of course, he can't move in that kind of material all over, and this is Brook we're talking about . . . if whatever we make isn't practical, he'd just throw it off and ignore people's reactions."

"Yeah, I guess so," Usopp agreed, assuming Franky was right. Sure, Brook seemed cold and serious here, but he had no real idea if it was just a temporary thing.

So, they were making something he could wear to stop that sparkling? Usopp liked the challenge. He hadn't invented anything in what seemed like an age, and they really couldn't afford to allow Brook to sparkle like that. Ignoring the issue of attracting attention on land, or blinding the crew, Usopp was afraid he'd lose it and laugh too hard next time he saw Brook. The new Brook would probably shank him if he saw him laugh openly . . . best not to risk it.

They worked for the rest of the afternoon, nearly finishing the coat for their resident musician/skeleton/vampire/ perverted old man. It might sound mean calling him that, but any 88-year-old dude trying to see Nami's panties was perverted in his eyes.

Usopp was sure they'd gotten it worked out- in theory, anyway. He remembered hearing somewhere, possibly from Robin, that black colours absorb sunlight and white would reflect the light. Franky had never heard of this, so they'd first had to test it and see whether it was true or not. Thankfully, they had enough random material in both colours for the trenchcoat, although the white supply was short enough to only make a tailcoat. That could look cool as well, actually . . .

"Well, here's hoping it works." Usopp wiped the pretend sweat off his forehead.

"Let's keep going tomorrow after lunch, yeah? I have another project I'd like to try before we reach the next island."

"Sure thing," Usopp left the garage in high spirits, shortly before being tackled to the ground.

"There you are!" He gasped for air, unable to sit up as a tall, slim, pale girl with long pink hair smiled down at him.

"Oh, hey Perona," Usopp smiled weakly. She was currently kneeling on his chest, beaming as she kissed his cheeks and the tip of his nose. It felt . . . a little weird.

"Come on, we haven't had time to ourselves in _ages_." Eyes taking the shape of rainbows, she forced him up, leading him by the hand back to her mostly-pink room. Usopp gulped slightly- he was slightly nervous about what the girl was after, for one.

Before he knew it he was inside, sitting on the end of the double bed. Perona locking the door didn't help, but the curly-haired sharpshooter tried to stay calm. Compared to what he'd faced, a girl wasn't so much to worry about, right? She wasn't the same Perona who'd tried to attack him, and it wasn't like she was ugly or obese. So why was his heart currently bouncing around his chest like an epileptic squirrel on amphetamines?

Perona sidled closer to him, holding him for a while. She was really soft and warm. Usopp couldn't help but picture Kaya again, and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

"I'm so proud of you, Usopp."

"Really?"

"Of course! You beat that Hancock women, and weren't attracted to her at all. Plus, she even fell for you!" Perona kicked her legs out as she laughed, enjoying the memory. She'd always known she had a winner in Usopp, but it was nice to see some proof every now and then. And to be with someone that a woman like Hancock couldn't be with made her feel awesome.

Usopp blushed a little, realising how she must see that battle. Before he knew it, Perona was talking, and they talked for over an hour. She complimented him, spoke about random things like what she wanted the next island to be like, as well as the crewmates.

She seemed to enjoy talking to him, confiding with Usopp about how worried she was about some things.

"I feel kind of bad for Hatchi- he was just trying to help, as usual."

"Yeah. Nami really has it out for him, huh?" Usopp frowned, wondering if she still had bad blood thanks to the whole Arlong incident in this world. He really hoped otherwise- Hatchi seemed nice enough, but no one deserved to go through what Nami had gone through.

"She never talks about it, but she really is racist against all mermen, huh?"

"You think?" Usopp was silent for a moment, wondering why. He'd always assumed that the crew weren't prejudiced like that. Huh.

"You've seemed a little distant lately," Perona looked down, twirling her hair as she fidgeted, "I was worried I'd done something wrong."

"What? No, nothing like that," Usopp waved his hands back and forth, unsure how to reassure her. It wasn't a matter of not liking her anymore, it was that he had never even known this Perona until a few days ago. But he couldn't exactly tell her that . . .

Perona looked downcast, as he tried to think of something to say. Man, he really wasn't ready for this. At the heart of it, he only had two choices- date Perona or not. The idea of 'breaking up' and depressing the girl made him feel really low; that wasn't an option. So then he'd have to pretend to date her while stuck in this world, to spare her feelings? Then he'd get home and the afro-version Usopp would be back with her, and she'd be none the wiser. Was that really the noble, kinder way to solve this situation?

Pulling Perona closer, he comforted her, kissing her forehead.

Well, it was about as noble as a drug dealing marine who practiced 'absolute justice' with a knife, but hey, lying had worked for him so far, right?

Perona responded, kissing him slowly and deeply on the lips. Usopp closed his eyes, trying not to show his nervousness. He'd never kissed a girl until now, and it felt kind of nice. In fact, really nice. They kissed more and more, her lips feeling fiery in their heat.

Yeah, he was going to hell for this.

But maybe, just maybe, she'd be happy with him, and he could enjoy being happy with her, and then he could be home, and everyone would be happy. Life could work like that, and right now that seemed like a perfect plan. It was a little after when they heard Luffy yelling, and realised it was time for dinner.

"I guess we'd better go," Usopp pulled away. Perona tried to pull him back down, but eventually agreed they needed to eat. Heart going at a million miles a second, Usopp breathed deeply the moment he was out of the door. Going ahead, as she used the bathroom, the night air felt unnaturally crisp and cool on his face. What had come over him?

Back there had been nice, but also kind of . . . weird. He already had mixed feelings about his decision to actually be with her, and not just avoid her some more like he had been so far.

Sighing, he slapped himself in the face, hard, and decided to forget about it for now. He was hungry, and thinking about things was for people who actually needed to think. He was Usopp, a Man of Action, after all.

Dinner itself was rather normal, and boy was he glad to eat some of Sanji's food. Until now, he had been slightly worried that all he would get to eat was some burnt tamagoyaki. Brook joined them at the table, proving he only chomped on girls in front of them when he was starving; thanks to days recovering in a coffin. To be fair, that Tashigi had been attacking them.

Brook said nothing at all that night, simply chewing some raw meat and drinking the freshly drained blood of a young virgin before leaving, ignoring their presence (Usopp couldn't tell if they were joking about the virgin thing, and didn't want to clarify).

His reactions were unusual- he didn't even turn his head or seem to notice when Zoro and Sanji had another accidental fight/make-out-session, or when Luffy started juggling meat (Luffy couldn't juggle, incidentally. He simply stretched his arms enough to catch everything when it started falling in different directions, until his hands were whipping across the whole room bouncing drumsticks and ham over their heads wildly).

So even though Brook was finally with them again, it didn't look like Usopp would be hanging around with him, having fun, or hear his music. It wasn't enough that most of his crewmates could kill him, at least they were usually joking around and having fun instead of ignoring him.

Still, it was probably best Brook left early, he acknowledged, seeing as Usopp nearly mentioned the sparkling he had done earlier in the morning about three times now; dying to laugh about it again. That would have gone down fantastically with the stiff.

It was after their meal, on the way out, that Nami approached Usopp. She leant against the railing under the starry night sky, keeping her eyes on the waves as she spoke to him.

"I misjudged you, Usopp."

"Really?" Usopp rubbed his finger under his nose, expecting some praise or thanks for saving her life. After all, he was the hero who'd-

"Thanks for bringing back so much treasure!"

Well, that was hardly unexpected from their navigator. He'd carried half of Hancock's loot off her boat, simply because he could, but there must have been some good stuff there.

"Also, where do you get your information?"

"Huh?"

"Before Hancock took me and all that happened, you tried to warn me. 'There's a Shichibukai out there, and they capture people! People were turned into zombies! It's terrifying!", was what you said, right?"

"Oh, I guess I did." Usopp vaguely remembered trying to warn them, back when he thought Thriller Bark was out there. He'd forgotten, but Nami was pretty sharp with details like that.

"Well, you exaggerated, as always, but there _was_ a Shichibukai who kidnapped me, and Sanji and you guys _were_ practically zombies around her. How'd you know that?" Usopp took a moment to comprehend what she was saying. Nami compliment him? Then it sunk in, and he realised he'd have to come up with a really good lie this time around, to explain knowing all that.

"Haha! Well, that was just a story I made up on the spot. Guess I got lucky, huh?"

"Idiot," Nami applied her palm to her forehead. "I really thought you knew the area or something!" She leaned over the railing, nearly falling out of her tank top without realising as she thought. Fortunately, Usopp noticed for her. Wait, shouldn't he feel guilty about that sort of thing now that he was with Perona?

It didn't occur to him that perving on Nami should always have made Usopp's conscience speak up.

"So, do you think Perona was right about that messenger? And that Hancock really was a Shichibukai?"

"Well," Usopp began, "I'd say so. Hard to mistake that sort of info, and who would pretend to be one with the Marine's involved?"

"I was afraid of that. Man, we've managed to avoid any major bounties so far," Nami pouted. That was news to Usopp, but as usual he didn't let it show. Was his bounty really zero again? "Now they're gonna go after us with a lot more pressure, and we don't even know where we're headed."

"Isn't the Sabaody Archipelago up next?"

"Stop messing around! We just left there." Nami seemed kind of out of it, still staring at the water. Usopp had a slight feeling she was checking for Hatchi.

Well, if the archipelago was behind them, then . . .

"Then is Water 7 in front of us?"

"What? Are you SERIOUS?" Nami grabbed him roughly by the front of his shirt, an urgent look in her eyes.

"Um, I think so, but that could be wrong, er, ah," Usopp panicked slightly, as Nami ran and came back with a map. As she pointed at a rough location, he saw large spots on the paper were blank. That was odd, but he had no time to think about it.

"Where did you hear that? If we're really headed for Water 7, we're in big trouble," she muttered. From the islands she was pointing at, there were quite a few they could have gone to next. Usopp felt strangely ignorant, considering he was the one who had told her this information.

"Nami? What's so bad about goin' to water 7?"

"How can you not know about it? Anyone who's heard of Water 7 knows pirates stay right away from that place. It's a death trap for us!"

"But why?"

"There's a marine base there! An admiral is stationed there, as well as the Shichibukai Bartholomew Kuma!"

Usopp's eyes widened. Already, he would meet that man- could he have a shot at going home? Then, his knees started to shake. There was no way that bear would help them by choice, and he was probably crazy-strong still. Plus, he lived in somewhere described as a 'death trap for pirates' . . .

Maybe they weren't headed there, and could stay alive? No, then Usopp would have to make his way to Water 7 by himself, and try to force Kuma to send him home without the crew's help. Oh man . . . 'Death trap for pirates' . . .

Things were looking up all right.

**A/N: I'm alive after all~ Sorry 'bout the wait, but life caught up all at once. School work, job-work, a weekend deciding MAH FUTARE at uni open days, and getting hooked on quite frankly gratuitous amounts of video games helped. Still, makes up for the last update, which took 3 days.**

**SO, a quick part or 2 of sailing, where I promise to explore every strawhat a little more. Then, the next island and some actual plot will occur, including Kuma! Kuma Kuma Kuma Kuma Kuma~ Boy his name is fun to write. (note: I have been awake past 5 am for the last 2 days in a row) **

**As usual, huge thanks to the beta works of UnrelentingNightmare, who helped loads, and Burnt .Caramel .****Midi****, who demanded more Usoperona and (hopefully) got it. Thanks also go to my poll voters, who probably have no idea why they voted for something like that.**

**Also: I need a new summary. Any suggestions?**


	14. Sengoku X Kuma fanart would be horrible

**These parts are slowly getting larger… is that a good thing? As always, thanks to my betas and readers, your reviews stoke me in ways I shouldn't describe.**

**Disclaimer: In Soviet Russia, One Piece reads YOU! **

**But um, it's still owned by Oda-san.**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 14-Sengoku X Kuma fanart would be horrible. **

"Usopp? You there?"

"Huh? Um, sure." Usopp held onto the side of the boat; his legs the consistency of jelly. The reason was simple- he'd just learnt that his only lead to get home was still a crazy-powerful Shichibukai, who happened to live in a marine base, with an admiral next door.

It helped picturing Kuma as a weakling. He would be different in this dimension as well, right? But somehow, even with the mental image of Kuma twirling in a tutu to fortify him, he still didn't feel confident. His chances of making it back home seemed so distant . . .

His I-can't-be-in-a-different-dimension-or-else-I-die disease had started to act up again, to make matters worse. Suppressing the wracking coughs bravely, so as not to make Nami worry, he continued his conversation with the shapely navigator.

"So, uh, how sure are you that Water 7 is our next stop? Is it near?"

"It's as likely as any other destination in this stretch." Nami was currently kneeling over several pieces of paper, trying to figure out something on the maps.

"Stretch?"

"I've told you this already!" Nami's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Our next destination could be any of the islands in the belt here," she pointed at a row of six islands, "and the destination after that will be one of the islands in the next stretch."

Looking, Usopp realized there were five-to-eight islands marked and clearly documented in each rectangular stretch of the map, but the ocean itself wasn't there. Just boxes with islands in them, and no indication on how to get to them. It seemed they would definitely go from one stretch to the other in order down the map, but could land on any island in those stretches. How was that possible? It was as if every island in the Grand Line was still there, but the individual paths that could be followed through it were blank.

"How can people visit these islands and not have any idea how to sail to them? It doesn't add up," Usopp spoke aloud.

Nami looked at him suspiciously, wondering if he was joking again.  
"That's not funny, Usopp. The reason we're all together is to right that, and escape the Marines."

"Wha? Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, guess I'm too tired to be making good jokes right now. I'll be going to sleep now, if it's alright." Usopp quickly escaped her questions, wondering what the heck he'd gotten into. Escape the Marines? Good grief, what now?

Thankfully, the next day started less eventfully. Usopp joined Franky in the garage in the morning, and they managed to finish Brook's trench coat. He wasn't around, so they decided to give it to him later. Hopefully, his sparkling days were over. As they had plenty of time, Franky mentioned his next invention, and Usopp agreed to start drawing some designs that night.

They made a pretty good team, he thought. Of course, it helped that Franky was perfectly normal, compared to a gender-bent, European pothead version of himself. It was only around the full moon that he'd have to be weary.

On his way out, Usopp decided to check something with Robin. She'd made it sound like she was their walking encyclopaedia still; albeit from listening to bar talk instead of reading. Maybe she knew something about Kuma that could help him?

He explained that there was a chance they were heading to Water 7 next, and sounded concerned about what it was like. That sounded plausible enough, and he didn't seem fixated on Bartholomew Kuma. After last night, he was trying to make sure he didn't sound as unprepared, as he was pretty sure Nami had expected him to know that stuff about the Marines already.

Robin told him how Kuma was, "a freakin' Shichibukai, ain't no way you wanna mess with him". She went further, describing how he was, "in so tight with the Marines, you'd swear he was spooning Sengoku," as well as clarifying that yes, his devil fruit abilities were indeed, "these freaky paws that can poof you right outta here like damn."

The word 'damn' had two syllables, the way she spoke it. Just in case you couldn't picture her sentence clearly enough.

So it seemed he still had the Paw-paw fruit, was still the most loyal Shichibukai to the Marines, and was still strong. Robin made it pretty clear that they should stay away from that place, insisting it was suicide.

Crap.

Usopp hadn't considered this- he'd been banking on the guy being weak here. His only difference in this world could be so minor it wouldn't affect Usopp at all- maybe he had a foot fetish this time around? Although that would be pretty easy to exploit, if Robin whipped several hundred feet around him.

Hm.

Logically, he'd have to visit Water 7 sooner or later anyway, if he planned on going home, so he really should be braver about all this and face it like a man. It was either that or try to go back without Kuma's help, which might be impossible. He still didn't even know how the guy had actually sent him to this freaky world- no one had mentioned that in the description of his powers. There had to be a reasonable explanation; if there wasn't, this whole mess would just be stupid, plus for some reason he felt like he'd be annoying forty or so people.

Or maybe it was closer to EIGHTY THOUSAND people. Yeah, that felt better- Usopp was always more comfortable exaggerating, after all. Eighty thousand, reviewing, subscribed, worshipping people. Don't ask him why he thought this, it just felt good.

To prepare himself for the inevitable confrontation with his destiny, and a shot at heading home, he decided to go fishing with Luffy. They spent the rest of the afternoon like that, and the day was very relaxing. Well, according to Luffy, anyway.

Note that they caught a sea beast during this time, that tore up the sail, knocked Chopper into the ocean and tried to eat Luffy.

Only with the combined attacks of Zoro's sword and Sanji's pissed-off kicking did they manage to subdue the beast and send it flying back, as Robin and Usopp retrieved the little doctor. This was moments before- on the impulse of their captain- they decided to catch that same sea beast once again and eat _it_, in revenge.

So the next hour was spent fruitlessly trying to chase after the beast, until they finally made enough noise to bother the other girls relaxing in the baths. Nami's navigating combined with Perona's Hollows made it pitifully easy to capture the beast again, and the guys got to see them while they were still wet, so it wasn't a total loss.

Of course, he regretted that they had managed to catch the gigantic fish moments later, when Zoro went to the kitchen to cut the fish simultaneously as Sanji prepared the sauce.

The noises they made . . . for some reason, no one needed to ask why they took so long with a simple meal. This was all followed by the realization that the sail had been torn, which caused Nami to rip them all new rear ends, which she proceeded to kick for good measure.

They were going to be moving at the rate of an arthritic snail with Zoro's sense of direction until a new sail was up. With that in mind, Franky and Usopp were banished to the garage to work on one, which had to be up by the next day if they wanted to sleep safely.

After slaving away for the remainder of the night, Usopp left to find Perona waiting for him. Dressed in a dark coat, purple and white lace dress, slip-on ballet shoes and a plush oversize cat hat, she actually looked pretty cute in his eyes. Compared to the loud pink clothes she had been wearing before she looked more mature. Well, the teen still had thick eyeliner, little skulls over her socks and was wearing a cat-hat, so maybe mature wasn't the right word. But it did suit her well, and made her look gentle.

Unfortunately for the exhausted man he was kidnapped for the entire night, making him question Luffy's definition of 'a relaxing day' once again. Perona insisted on talking more and cuddling into the small hours of the night, despite his lack of sleep. While he had fun, unlike _some _people he didn't sleep in until eleven in the morning enjoying 'beauty sleep', so he was quite dead the whole time.

Eventually he fell asleep on her bed, inadvertently spending the night there. He could picture the comments Sanji would make, as well as the suggestive hi-fives and disapproving looks he'd get from the other crew members if they found out, even if nothing had happened.

Man.

Eyes opening slowly, he found it was close to nine in the morning. That was about normal for him, but Perona was still sound asleep. Blinking as he got used to the gloom, he realised the curtains were drawn over the window, explaining why it was so nice and warm and dark.

Or maybe there was another reason. Waking up properly, he realised Perona was sidled against him, an arm and leg over his body, head resting on his shoulder.

Usopp blushed hard, completely unused to this kind of situation. Should he just stay here, and wait for her to wake up? But that could be hours, and staying awake lying there would be kinda weird. On the other hand, he knew waking her up could end pretty badly- even Robin was sometimes cranky in the morning, and she was one of the seven peaceful, quiet females left in existence.

Usopp liked to imagine those girls weren't the exception, but rather the norm, simply lost and scattered due to a distant war of some kind which evaded all aggressive women. That was better than accepting that girls were supposed to be loud and violent, and all out to get him.

Perona muttered something as she turned her head; long pink hair suddenly obscured his vision. Blinking as his internal ramblings were interrupted, Usopp realized he really ought to escape this situation soon. Nami would kill him if he didn't work on that sail, and he still knew nothing new about Kuma or Water 7 that could prepare him.

Slowly sliding Perona's leg off his own, he was suddenly acutely aware of how tall she was. The girl was all legs, and she was usually wearing long socks that covered them. Subsequently Usopp went as hard as a rock at a model's underwear show, much to his chagrin. Fortunately, his surprise at thinking the word chagrin helped distract his thoughts, as he slowly eased his way out of the covers and didn't look at anyone in the room.

Okay, now he was lying on top of the bed, and the petite 'princess' was completely off him, aside from her head which was nuzzling into his shoulder. This one would be tricky.

He turned in a manoeuvre that would make any yoga instructor sigh, lowering his shoulder towards the pillow as his other shoulder rose. When her head was even lower, he tilted, trying to roll her head from his shoulder to the pillow in one gentle movement.

Thump!

Ah, well, she was still asleep, so it can't have been as bad as it sounded. Perona was now curled into a little ball, muttering some more as she was starting to wake up. He waited another few tense minutes, making sure she was back to snoozing, before getting up and heading for the door. And he was free!

Shutting the door slowly, careful not to wake her up, he made his way for his own room to change. It only took about fifteen minutes of aimless wandering before he found it this time- he was pro at this dimension. His cocky spirits soared higher when he discovered what was in his room.

After changing and slapping his face a few times, to wake up properly, he had fiddled with his dial collection for a second. He didn't think he'd done anything in particular, but a small catch on the side of his Osmose Dial split the thing, breaking it. While he had panicked at first, he then realized it was still intact. Hang on, what?

The osmose dial was a thin black dial, shaped like a cog and made of something like copper in feel. That's what he was holding. But it had cracked open, and now there were two of them. Ah- they had been joined before, and he hadn't noticed! He suddenly realised what had happened- they had been stuck like two slices of bread in a sandwich, and he had never noticed when he used it before. Now they were separated, and both seemed to work on their own.

Neat.

But better was the filling of his metaphorical sandwich, a smaller round dial, a soft yellow in colour. It had been hidden between both other dials, so he had no idea what it did. Time to find out, he thought.

He punched into it, wondering if it would help in fights. Nothing happened. He breathed into it, poured water, yelled, and even farted into the dial. While he might have already broken it with his style of testing, it never reacted once. He even held the mystery dial up to his ear, getting a close whiff of the earlier fart, and couldn't hear a thing. Well, there were no buttons, so that was about all he could do for now.

On the way out, he belatedly remembered Brook's coat, which he was already supposed to have given to its new owner. Sure enough, the skeleton was standing tall on the edge of the boat, once again staring at nothing. The morning sun was setting him off like a Christmas tree (sans the bitchin' coloured paper chain) but he couldn't afford to laugh right now. Gulping, Usopp approached him, holding out the coat.

"Um, Brook?" The undead musician made no effort to move or turn around, or acknowledge Usopp at all. Usopp couldn't tell if he was listening and just cool like that, or was ignoring him like a jerk.

"Well, me and Franky worked on a trench coat; it should block out the sparkling thing. Um, it's for you," he added unnecessarily. Brook took it calmly, whipping it on in one motion. Sure enough, it fit well, and blocked all of these gleaming symbols from shining through. Long, whipping trench coat, combined with the cane sword at his side, afro and skull face- he looked pretty badass.

"You like it?"

"It fits," shrugged Brook, already turning back to the ocean.

"No, it blocks those symbols! You can avoid attention, and look normal when we're in a town! Well, normal for a dude with an afro, I guess."

"The afro is everything to me," Brook uttered, tone completely aggressive, suggesting Usopp should never joke about his hairstyle.

"No no, I didn't say it was bad, it looks cool on you," Usopp back-pedalled.

"Looks are unimportant. However, I must maintain and display this afro, or my life's purpose is ruined. It is more important than any of your lives," he spoke flatly, as if the discussion was over.

"Man, there are times when the truth is better left unsaid, y'know?" Usopp laughed a little, heading to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. He liked to think Brook was smiling at that, although he had no idea if he was even listening at that point. Hopefully he'd listen and keep the damn thing on, after all the trouble they'd gone to. He seemed so cold- come to think of it, this Brook had only ever spoken to Usopp when afros were brought up.

Later in the day, Franky and Usopp finished off their additions to the sail, pleased.

"Well, should we get this up?" Franky flexed, eager to show off to the others.

"Hang on; can you help me figure this thing out? I've never got it to work," Usopp explained as he pulled out the small yellow dial from earlier.

"Sure thing. It can't be too hard, right Usopp-bro?" Franky accepted the challenge happily. Unfortunately, despite holding the little thing near flames, through open gas, submerged in cola, setting it on fire when trying the flames again, drawing on it with markers, and even slapping it with fish while demanding it work, nothing happened. Usopp tried yelling every variant of 'work now' he could think of at the same time, as well as posing with it like all weapons required. Even the trusted-yet-anachronistic Spiderman 'web-slinging' pose with his fingers proved useless, leaving him at a loss for ideas.

Going back to serious attempts, he tried slamming it into Franky, landing a direct strike on the man's chest. Nothing. Franky gave it a shot, hitting it right at Usopp's nose. While his nose did contort like a slinky, nothing dial-based happened. Weird . . .

"Well, thanks anyway. I'll look at it later," said Usopp, forgetting all about it. The sun was just setting as they went out and ordered everyone below deck, to set up the sail. Struggling a little with his end, thin arms providing little stability, they managed to hoist the hefty sail up. Calling out, the others all came back up to witness their new sail.

"Awesome!" Luffy yelled out, head tilting back as he took it all in.

"Heh, not bad," Zoro smirked, eyeing her side approvingly.

"You guys- we're wanted! Is this a good idea?" Nami put her hands on her hips, not admitting she liked the design.

"Looks good. Not as pretty as you girls, of course!" Sanji approved, turning it into a compliment like usual.

"Wow! It's so . . . Pirate!" Chopper squealed, loving the new sail.

Robin and Brook were silent on the subject, the former smiling serenely.

"Wow! You're a real artist, Usopp! Same it isn't a little cuter though." Usopp felt betrayed at that- he hadn't been trying to make it cute, after all.

What they were all referring to was the new flag design, painted over the repaired sail. An all-black sail with Luffy's strawhat Jolly Roger design in the centre, it was similar to their first flag. However, along the bottom and sides each one of the crew members had their own Jolly Roger, symbolizing their loyalty to their captain.

Nami's skull had orange hair and two fingers out, rubbing in the symbol for money. Chopper's was the familiar cherry blossom pirate flag, while Brook's bore an afro, along with a cane sword instead of the traditional bones. All of their personal symbols adorned the flag, marking their commitment to Luffy and his quest.

It made for a stronger looking flag, and was far busier than the average Jolly Roger. It was as if Luffy was openly declaring he was different from other pirates, which was perfect in Usopp's mind.

-_back to the current day_-

Usopp continued writing, expression thoughtful. His room was a mess, clutter and clothes lying across the floor around him, forgotten like usual. The candle light flickered as he shifted in his large hammock; almost certain he had discovered something about this dimension.

He had spent the last few nights writing what he knew, as they continued to travel to the next island. First, he'd made a list with every crew member, wondering if his hunch was right.

At first glance, everything seemed different- they were travelling away from the grand line for some reason involving Marines, and had no useful maps. Nami had already misjudged their location back in the devil's triangle, and was unsure about sailing quite a bit, it seemed. Was she bad at sailing here? Not to mention the whole 'dating Luffy' thing . . .

Zoro was a girl, of course. It was hard to remember, seeing how similar she was to the regular, testosterone-fuelled model Zoro he was used to, but her face, hair, and boobs said otherwise. The only other difference he had noticed about Zoro here was her using the two-sword style, or Nitōryū, for practice. She claimed using a third sword would be weird, and would 'chip her teeth, idiot.' Guess she hadn't created that here.

Scribbling down frantically, he tried to list every change so far in this dimension. Getting everything down would help him remember it better, at least.

Sanji was a stoner, and seemed to flirt more with Zoro then anyone else (he shuddered writing that part). Weirdly, he still flirted with the other girls, making them special desserts and generally sucking up to them like a puppy in heat. Perona reacted to this like Nami, happily accepting his treats and attention, which Usopp wasn't too sure how he felt about.

Chopper's devil fruit was different, which directly affected his voice, sexual orientation and rumble ball transformations. Still, on the inside he was one of the most similar to his usual self, which was good for Usopp. Same went for Franky, who was identical except for his werewolf thing every month. So at least his best buddies weren't too hard to be around.

Brook's past seemed completely different, having somehow turned him into a cold, aggressive vampire with poneglyph markings all over his body. That one was one of the most extreme differences between his old crew. Comparatively, Robin being a jive-talking, back-handing honky was nothing out of the ordinary. She still seemed somewhat gentle, at times, even.

Perona was the unknown element here- he'd never talked to the ghost princess before, aside from mid-battle banter. Sure, she was still obsessed with cute things and expected her own way a lot, but her actual personality could be very different or identical to her actual self. All he knew for sure was her powers were different, along with her obviously joining their crew and dating him for some reason.

Yet most bizarrely, Luffy seemed the same. Sure, Nami was hanging around him a lot more, but that seemed completely one sided. His feelings, thoughts and abilities were the only ones unchanged from the whole crew. What did that mean?

Looking at his list, Usopp frowned. He'd had this feeling that everyone had only one difference or alteration in this dimension, but now that he put it down in writing that seemed far from the truth. Looking at Nami, Sanji and Perona's entries, he wondered if maybe everyone had two alterations here. That would mean there was still a lot he didn't know left to scare the crap out of him, he mused, such as what else Franky could be hiding.

And while it was typical for Luffy to do his own thing, he couldn't help but think something about the would-be Pirate King had to be different here. It just didn't add up . . . was this dimension specifically different, or just completely random?

His head was starting to hurt a little after all this thinking. He was beginning to wonder how this universe even came to be- he'd heard that theory about every possibility existing somewhere in a parallel world. In a universe of infinite possibilities, he had to admit it was possible this place was completely natural, despite his better judgement. Was that all it this was?

Looking around, he realised that still didn't account for their renewed boat, or how the islands of the world could be any different. How big were these changes, exactly? So many changes . . .

Blowing out the candle, he decided to try and stop thinking. Sitting here wouldn't accomplish anything, and he was doing all right winging things so far. As long as he reacted intelligently, it didn't really matter if he knew nothing about this dimension after all.

And with that lazy resolve, he drifted off to a peaceful sleep, the night before they landed on the next island- and their next adventure.

**A/N: Well, here's my latest attempt to hospitalize the fourth wall, hope you guys enjoy. Sorry for the recap at the end, but I think it'll be necessary, and helpful- I sure do have a lot of plans for something that started life as a comedy oneshot xD **

**Oh, just realised! I can do whatever I want to Spandam, Akainu and the others in this universe… *rubs hands together wickedly*. I'm sure everyone's thought about those a few times. Let me know if you have any ideas, the more torturous/ humiliating/ just plain amusing the better. Also,****SniperKingSogeking0341,** **you didn't think I'd really let Brook sparkle for the whole fic, didja? **

**Thanks for reading~**


	15. Emo's don't deserve chapter titles

**Warning: references and spoilers from the end of the Whitebeard War arc this chapter. I can't imagine why you'd read a story with Hancock, set after they were split by Kuma, and still not have read the next few chapters of the battle, but hey, never hurts to warn people. **

**Disclaimer: arghgryuggrahgufhg One Piece hsdjkljksjdksgguufoyurup not mine qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm**

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 15- Emo's don't deserve chapter titles**

It was that time once more. A magical time, where untold possibilities await.

A thin, lanky boy in a loose shirt and shorts was the first to notice it. Leaning against the sunflower-styled lion figurehead of the boat, he'd been relaxing half asleep. At the sight of a smudge on the horizon he'd leaped into the air, dark shock of hair whipping about on the salty breeze as his hat flew off. Arm whipping out with elastic momentum, he caught it easily, dancing around in excitement as he yelled at full volume.

"Land-ho!"

Usopp woke up to the excited yells from Luffy, falling out of his hammock in the process. Tangled green fabric wrapped around him, face down and bottom sticking out skywards; it was the sort of start to his next adventure that he really ought to have expected.

Things only improved from there.

By the time he was up on deck, eager to find out if his hunch about Water 7 was correct, everyone else was already up and waiting.

"You look like you just woke up," Sanji laughed, lighting a cigarette as he did so. Running a hand through tangled hair, Usopp realized he did, especially next to the gentleman overdressed in a suit there. He had been up late thinking about this dimension, not that he could tell anyone that. Or that they'd believe he had been thinking at all, of course.

Almost unsure if he wanted to find out, Usopp approached the front of the deck, peering towards the smudge on the morning horizon. It was impossible to tell whether it was Water 7 yet. Damn.

"Guys, listen up," Nami yelled, trying to hammer something into their minds.

"We can't have a repeat of Saobody, you hear me? There's a reason we nearly died!" Usopp sighed, expecting another huge lecture that would be ignored by Luffy. Chances were they'd get dragged into more fights no matter what they did. Spying Perona on the railing, legs kicking back and forth impatiently, he decided to sit next to her.

"Who actually has to disembark, even? The less the better," Nami insisted.

"We need to eat," Sanji reminded her, although his actual words involved a lot more twirling, 'Nami-swan' praising, and grovelling.

"I need supplies, no?" Chopper mentioned, feeling sorry for his starving first aid box., so he also had an excuse to go on land.

Struck by a moment's clarity, Usopp questioned why they all trusted the child-like reindeer with their lives, when he drew eyes and mouths on his professional equipment.

Well, it was still better then bandaging himself, he guessed.

Luffy insisted he had to leave the boat as well, as exploring new islands was fun and his responsibility as captain. Nami whacked him good for that comment, but admitted she wouldn't mind if he went with her to keep her safe.

"Wait, you get to go on a date while we're stuck on the boat? No fair!" Perona accused, pointing melodramatically at their orange-haired navigator.

"Perona, I need to go on land. We need news of the outside world, and we probably have public bounties after those Kuja pirates attacked. You did say she was a Shichibukai, right?"

"Well aren't you responsible," the pink haired girl huffed, pouting in her direction.

"Could ya pick some good clothes out for me, Miss Navigator?" Robin smiled, almost as if she didn't notice the arguing she caused.

Usopp was kind of annoyed that she was being so hypocritical. Nami insisted their situation- whatever it was- was severe enough to warrant most of them staying on the boat and remaining out of sight. Yet she was going out and exploring anyway! Thinking for a moment, he had an idea to remedy the situation.

"Wait, won't Chopper and Sanji be safer if people go with them?"

"… Point," Nami conceded.

"So that's six of us going on land anyway; what's the point in anyone staying?" Usopp pressed. He wasn't missing out on his chance to explore, especially if Kuma was out there.

"The boat needs protecting!" Franky insisted, rubbing his hands along the mast like a mother strokes her young. On reflection, Franky was a little _too_ attached to their boat, wasn't he?

Zoro fell asleep at some point in the conversation, and Brook made no sign he was listening to them at all, so those two were unanimously voted to help guard the boat with Franky.

"Robin? You okay here with these idiots?"

"Ain't my choice. But we should figure it out soon- Water 7's right there, fo' shiz." Robin pointed with roughly twenty hands to emphasize her point, as she put her hands on her hips, behind her shoulders casually and crossed a pair or two over her bust.

Spinning, Usopp realized she was right. This whole time, they'd been drawing closer, and Water 7 was right on top of them! He'd managed to make it to Kuma's home in this dimension, as well as a Marine stronghold . . . Oh joy.

-_meanwhile, somewhere in that very Marine stronghold just mentioned_-

"The Strawhat's should have arrived already," a gruff voice intoned. "Have you even looked for them?"

"I have, okay? Get off my back old man," a teenage voice answered back, a male.

"If I can't answer to a royal 'lord of the sea' like Hancock, there'll be hell to pay! Don't give me lip, boy," the man's voice snarled. His appearance was shrouded by a thick cloud of smoke, which hung over the office.

"S'not my problem. I don't care," the boy shrugged, hands in his pockets, slouching. He was thin and tall, with a dark, spiky haircut and a long, straight fringe that covered his eyes.

"It'll be your problem if you don't find them! There's a public bounty which is all yours if you get them, and the higher-ups have been after these punks for a while now." The man switched tactics, trying to bribe the boy instead of bullying him into doing his job.

"Public? So what, they have a secret bounty too? What is it?" he smirked, trying to piss of the commander.

"Top-secret! The citizens shouldn't be given encouragement, or allowed to think like these people at all!"

"So you weren't told what it was either, huh? Must feel great getting stuck out here, away from the action. Much easier for you, in your old age," the boy continued, provoking the figure in the smoke.

"I am your grandfather! Be quiet and leave _now_."

"Pfft, whatever," the boy turned and left, grabbing some nuts out of the bowl on the table without asking.

"That kid . . . what do I do with him? If he wasn't so damned powerful, I wouldn't have to deal with this. But we need him," the man sighed. An audible slap came from the smoke, presumably as he applied the palm of his hand to his forehead.

-_back outside_-

Sanji whistled as he crossed the bridge. Some of the girls here sure were beautiful~. Granted, most wore masks, but he knew a pretty lady when he saw one.

He was alone, having declined to tag along with some of his crewmates. Going solo was more his style anyway.

Sanji put his hands in his pockets, sight-seeing as he made his way to where the food markets ought to be. Water 7 was filled with arches and stone buildings, most of them tall. It was kind of strange, but made a beautiful backdrop amidst the flooded walkways. Below him, a couple were enjoying a row along the water bank, and seemed to be having a good time. That might be worth considering, actually.

A familiar urge took control of his thoughts. He was dying to lose himself with a joint, after rationing his stash so much the last few weeks. Surely somewhere big like this had some dealers? No, he admonished; Nami was counting on him to get food! Of course . . . they were rich with treasure. Just a _little_ searching for product couldn't hurt, right? He really needed it . . .

Thinking logically, the kind of guys who sold good weed wouldn't be attracting attention to themselves either. So he shouldn't cause any trouble, and would be unnoticed if he was with them, right? So Nami would be happier if he stayed low, wherever they were!

There was no rush; the post would probably take until tomorrow to point to the next island anyway. Convincing himself, he decided to take a walk in the shadier part of town looking for a dealer. The extra time couldn't hurt . . .

-_meanwhile_-

Nami flicked through the newspaper quickly, a worried expression on her face. The first thing she'd done after hiding their boat (which was currently pulled along the back of the island, out of sight from the public) was head to a magazine stand.

"No way! They did!" hands covering her mouth in shock, the paper landed by her sandals.

"Hm? What's wrong?" Luffy asked nonchalantly, hands behind his head.

"Look at this! This is even more then I expected . . . ," Nami sighed, wondering if they'd be okay.

Picking up the sheet with a bored expression, Luffy continued to look around at the new island. This place was pretty cool.

"Hey Nami, can I ride one of those horse things in the water? They're funny!"

"Idiot, look at the page!"

"Oww . . . Nami!"

-_also meanwhile_-

Well, Water 7 hadn't changed much. The city was exactly as he'd remembered it so far, a bustling city with rivers instead of roads. Usopp couldn't help but look around nervously, wondering where all the marines were meant to be.

"Ahh! It feels so great to walk on land again, doesn't it?" Perona skipped, loving the noise her boots made on the cobblestone path.

"Sure does!" Chopper agreed, accent less noticeable then usual. Usopp had started giving him speech therapy the other day on the ship, in the hopes he would speak like he used to. Working on his broken Engrish came first, then the actual tone of his voice.

The long-nose sniper himself was subdued, only making the occasional joke. He was too busy glancing over his shoulder every few seconds to really focus on the supplies Chopper bought, or the stores Perona was unsubtly suggesting were filled with cute clothes.

They were resting in a courtyard when they finally encountered some Marines. The area was spacious, soldier statues on each corner whilst an intricate fountain bubbled in the center. Stone benches were positioned along the edges, offering a view of the panoramic rivers and buildings beyond the walls. The area itself had high stone walls, with only arched windows allowing a glimpse outside of that view- probably to make sure no one fell out.

The problem with relaxing in a place like this was they had no way of knowing someone was nearby until they entered the courtyard. The trio weren't exactly trained soldiers- being there for fun- so this stood to reason.

Chopper was currently being teased by Perona, who was insisting he should try wearing something with frills. She still had the mindset he was some kind of dress up doll, one that should be attacked violently every time he opened his mouth, although she had begrudged it was okay to become 'icky' during a fight. Usopp was torn between helping Chopper and laughing a little, when he spied someone behind them.

Usopp was taken aback, recognising the thin teenager approaching, although he looked different.

"Hey, Ace! It's you, right?"

Indeed, Luffy's brother was approaching them, head down. His hair was longer, and covered his eyes, but he seemed normal.

"You the Great Mighty Captain Usopp?' he said abruptly, shoving a yellowed bounty poster at his face.

"Usopp? You know this guy?" Perona asked, eyes wide with curiosity.

"Great Mighty Captain? What are you talking about?" was what anyone else would have said at this point, which might have saved them. Unfortunately, Usopp rolled with other people's lies all the time, and this was not an opportunity he could pass up.

"Of course! I'm the one and only!" his thumb pointed at his chest, emphasizing how manly he was.

"What is this?" Chopper's booming voice asked, taking the posters. "Bounties?"

Usopp peered over, grinning. They didn't have any yet in this world, right? What would it be like?

He had a bounty of $69 million, right off the bat! Wow, Hancock really had been a Shichibukai, he mused. Chopper and Perona were also listed, at $40 million and $27 million each. That made sense, seeing how Chopper had been seen fighting more, and looked a lot more dangerous from his battle in S & M point. Luffy was the only other one to actually gain a bounty, at $50 million, which made him stare in awe.

How had he beaten Luffy? Well, Luffy had defeated Vivi, but maybe Usopp beating their leader, and then lying his ass off in front of her crew resulted in him sounding even tougher- and more of a threat- had actually worked out! Thinking about it, he realised they must think he was stronger. Wow. He was surprised Zoro had no bounty, but then as long as that Tashigi didn't go around telling people she was defeated, no one would blame Zoro for the fight. So she must have kept her loss secret, he assumed, since no one else saw their fight.

"The Great Mighty Captain Usopp?" Chopper asked, incredulously looking at his tagline.

"He declared that over and over again back on the Kuma's ship," Perona admitted, sweat dripping from the back of her head. "I guess it finally stuck with someone."

"Hey, that name suits me perfectly!" Usopp defended his claim, completely ignoring the glaring person who had shown him the bounty.

Chopper danced a little, proud of his bounty, while Perona was a little indifferent. She'd fought hard, but she didn't exactly want people after her, so it was probably for the best.

"I'm taking you in then," Ace declared, running out of patience as his hand burst into flames.

"Wait, what? No way!" Usopp looked back to him, remembering the guy was still there.

"Deal with it," he declared, a stream of fire shooting right at Usopp.

The sniper bent back, the flames grazing the tip of his nose as they shot over, into the stone. Too close! Running for some distance he pulled out his Kabuto, firing random bullets at Ace. He stood still, the pellets passing through his fiery body.

"Usopp! Who is this guy?" Chopper asked, transforming into the centaur form he had used against Franky, leather clothing and all.

"I thought he was Luffy's brother!" Usopp yelled, confused. He still looked like Ace, although the clothing was a little different. Both of the badges on his hat were sad faces for one, and his shirt was darker.

"I have no brother. Why are you still talking, anyway?" Ace asked, shooting more plumes of fire at him as Usopp rolled out of the way. Bashing into the stone his leg was singed, but he avoided most of the crackling death.

"Positive hollow!" Perona yelled, two ghosts shooting forward. Ace was hit from both sides at once, but they just disappeared, doing nothing.

"Armour Haki, bitches," Ace announced, a burning fireball lashing back out at her.

"Perona!" Usopp leaped as fast as he could, taking the hit with his osmose dial, just managing to protect her. Body igniting, Usopp ran at Ace, a human torch.

"AAIIIEEEEE!" he screamed, freaking out as his body was completely engulfed in flames, even if it didn't hurt him. He swung at Ace, hand disappearing through the teen like before, all of his kicks and flailing useless.

Ace snorted as he pushed him back, Usopp sprawling to the ground hard. His flames disappeared, the effect gone.

"You'd use fire against me? Weak."

"How dare you hurt him!" Perona shot more ghosts at the thin boy, to no effect.

"That's even more pointless then life; give it up," Ace muttered. Perona ignored him, an exploding hollow bursting through him, striking the fountain. Steam, rubble and dust rained down on them, but the explosion proved ineffective.

Ace simply fired off more flames, swinging his arm as a wave of heat crashed into Usopp. He leaped up, pulling out his impact dial this time, sucking in most of the attack. He slid backwards, the force pushing him away as the flames continued. Usopp's hands hurt from the heat, but he couldn't let up, leaping and slamming the dial right into Ace's chest.

Direct hit! But the attack blew right through him yet again, the physical attack doing nothing against the logia powers.

"Why are you attacking us? What did we do to you?" Usopp yelled, unsure he could do.

"I don't have to talk to you. I don't owe you anything," smirked Ace, refusing to help on principle. If the long-nosed guy didn't notice the Marine logo on the side of his jeans, hey, that was his problem.

"Guys! Trouble!" Chopper's voice boomed. Turning, Usopp saw a battalion of Marine soldiers with guns and swords, all being held off by the reindeer at once. He was badly out-numbered . . .

"Perona, sweep through them with a ghost! You can take care of small-fry quicker than us!" he yelled, thinking furiously. They didn't stand a chance at the moment; Ace's devil fruit protected him from all of their attacks. They had to match their fights better, or else they were done for!

"Right!" the pink-haired girl obeyed, panicking. Hands out, she started to create more ghosts, when a searing pain suddenly filled her body. Usopp's eyes went wide, only able to watch as Ace slammed a fist into her shoulder, sparks dancing around the two.

"…" Usopp couldn't speak. Time seemed to slow as Perona fell to the ground, eyes shut with pain.

"PERONA!" Usopp fell to his knees, unable to stop Ace as he escaped. Lifting Perona over one shoulder casually, flames shot below his feet, lifting him to the courtyard roof. Usopp didn't even have time to ready his slingshot before they were gone, Ace leaping from rooftop to rooftop.

He'd failed . . . How had that happened? He'd been so much stronger in his last fights, but he wasn't really any better at all, was he? His dials were useless if he was too much of an idiot to use them properly . . .

"Usopp! We need to leave now, no?" Chopper ran towards him, arrows flying towards the horde of Marines. "Why he take Perona? Usopp!" Usopp could only stare forward blankly . . . This was as bad as last time at Water 7. He'd let the crew down again . . . He hadn't changed at all! Usopp felt himself start to cry. No matter what happened, he was useless to his friends . . . He couldn't do anything right.

"Usopp!" Chopper cried, countering another man bearing the Marine uniform. They were yelling now, eager to capture the new bounties. What could he do?

-_back with Ace_-

Perona felt herself lifted, wind blowing her hair every direction. Eyes opening groggily, she realised that emo teenager was kidnapping her.

"Let go of me!" she struggled, fists bouncing off his back.

"Be quiet," he muttered, concentrating on finding the marine base.

"Take me back! I thought you wanted all of our bounties, anyway?" Perona tried, desperate to see the others again.

"Too much effort," scoffed the boy. "I take you, and the others come to try and free you. Quicker."

"But I want to be with Usopp! Please, don't kidnap me," Perona begged, suddenly feeling very alone.

"What's it matter? We're all going to die in the end," Ace muttered, hair blowing in the wind impressively.

"Then why kidnap people at all?"

"I already feel dead . . . sometimes I wonder why I bother," Ace muttered.

He then ignored Perona completely, simply telling her she didn't 'get' him, and how pointless everything was. Love was an illusion, and life was fleeting, he explained.

"When Luffy and the others get you, you will be dead!" pouted the girl, giving up. Hanging uncomfortably from his back, she tried to move her shoulder. It stung, but wasn't bleeding, so her clothes weren't too wrecked, and it probably wasn't as bad as it felt. Hopefully the others found her soon . . .

She told herself they surely would come, and whatever trap he had waiting wouldn't- couldn't- work. But the moment she dwelled on that, she wondered if they really could save her . . .

**And the plot thickens… **

**Ace talking about death= delicious ironic humour, yes? **

**I had fun writing their bounties, but had to stick with what the Marine's had seen of them so far. Rest assured everyone'll have a bounty sooner or later, although the new Monster Trio will be Luffy, Usopp and Chopper, for obvious reasons~**

**Also also: I've started a new competition for reviewers, which should affect this story sooner or later. Whoever gets the 50****th****, 100****th, ****or 150****th**** review on a fic of mine gets a onehsot request of whatever they like, as long as I know the characters. Check my profile for more details, and feel free to review please! **

**Bye-bye for now~**


	16. Almost as tough as the Village People!

**Disclaimer: Disclaimers are for people with the time to write them- have a band-aid instead.**

**(::::[]::::)**

…**wasn't that horrible? Here, I'll make it up to you. One Piece not mine, no money made off this, characters are just being used for fun, etc etc. **

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 16- Almost as tough as one of the Village People!**

Usopp stood still, head bowed. Chopper twirled frantically, fending off a group of Marine soldiers that numbered well past forty. He had already defeated his fair share, and was bleeding, but couldn't let his crew down! Taking out a rumble ball, he decided it was time to try his last transformation.

He wasn't done testing it, but it was his last hope. The S & M points were useless for crowd control- absorbing damage and losing your common sense could be fatal when dealing with multiple enemies, and this many could defeat him while he was still absorbing the damage.

Usopp was barely aware of his surroundings, berating himself endlessly. He'd thought he was a big man, stronger then ever, with an edge over this dimension. But the moment he landed in Water 7 he let Perona get captured, without even landing a single hit on her captor. He was even more useless then he was the last time they were here!

Then, something happened that managed to break through his cloud of buzzing emotion, actually shocking him. Chopper put in his small, candy-like pill, transforming rapidly in front of his eyes.

At the time, it made no sense. But as he told this story several times, Usopp slowly began to figure it out, and understand what he had been seeing that day. Because at the time, the transformation had nothing to do with being a homosexual man, or indeed, anything to do with being human even.

"But think of it like this," Usopp would begin, gesturing with his hands. "Y'know how some guys have stomachs, and then there's abs? But above that, you've got, like, Super Gay Abs?" At this point the listener would probably ignore him for being stupid, as he continued generalising some gay man were super buff and worked out all the time. The listener would eventually shut him up, agreeing yes there can be that kind of stereotype, the incredibly macho kind of guy who dances in tight shirts and had a human washboard below his rock-hard pecs.

Chopper bulged outwards, shooting at least eight feet tall. His muscles rippled, veins popping as he roared. The Marines fell back for a moment, worried.

"Well, it was kinda like that, but taken to the extreme. Chopper was becoming The Buffest Man Alive- super-gay-abs, taken even further!" Usopp would exclaim, hyping the story like usual. Except everything he had just said was true- in his experiments to become more powerful, Chopper had tapped into a dangerous pool of energy, at the heart of his homosexuality.

Chopper stood tall, close to the regular Heavy Point Usopp was used to seeing in fights. But he was taller, and much stronger. His biceps flexed as he punched a Marine soldier, and the man disappeared. He had flown through the rock behind them, defeated instantly.

With that, the unnatural silence was broken, shaky Marines yelling as they charged at him. Chopper was hit repeatedly, bullets and swords bouncing off his shining body. Usopp wasn't sure what was happening, trying to watch his arm carefully as it moved unusually- _his bicep had muscles of its own._

"Chopper, is that… you?"

The man-deer looked back at him, simply grunting as he swung a leg, sweeping through three guards at once. One managed to avoid the attack, leaping and running along Chopper's leg as he stabbed him in the chest. Chopper showed no sign of pain, batting him aside effortlessly. He was slow like this, but they were no match for him.

Then, Usopp realized; there were more Marines coming. Behind him, with a burst of smoke, another battalion had smashed through the south wall. In the front stood a pink-haired girl in a suit, pouting in their direction.

"How dare he give Hina his leftovers! Hina wanted to play with pirates first!" Usopp felt dizzy; more enemies? If they couldn't escape, there was no point in trying.

Chopper felt like panicking, but he couldn't. This form wouldn't hold out much longer, and he wasn't sure if they would make it without the transformation. Usopp should have been taking advantage of the distance, sniping off the newcomers with a barrage of attacks; why wouldn't he snap out of it? Sighing, Chopper knew they needed to escape. Perona was too far away by now to save, so they'd have to settle for saving themselves first.

Usopp felt himself tossed lightly, as he rested on Chopper's shoulder. Were they going to make a run for it? Then, he looked down, seeing Chopper's stomach light up. The top 2 marks of his 'six-pack', or epigastric muscles, beamed white. As he stared in confusion, the next two, the umbilical sections of Choppers buffed abdomen, suddenly lit up as well. Was that… a countdown?

The two squares below lit up, as Chopper started to vibrate and tense. Marines were charging at them, about to hit them!

"Chopper, if you're gonna do something, now's the time!" Usopp yelled, eyes closing tightly.

Then, with a flexing pose, Chopper's final, lowest muscles of his abs- _he had an eight-pack_- lit red, as Chopper yelled.

"Transversus Abdominis Rocket!" he cried, as they shot up into the air, escaping just in time.

Usopp looked down in amazement, the entire of the city spread out below them, wind whipping through his hair… They were flying! Chopper's abs were burning hot, steam and heat vapour shooting off of them.

"They're… a jetpack…" he breathed in awe. They drifted over the buildings, gliding past the rivers. Usopp could hardly make out the details of the land, as they angled closer to their ship. And Perona and Ace were nowhere to be seen…

-_scene change! Aren't these fun?_-

Perona tried to stay calm, unsuccessfully. Ace- the teenager holding her- was starting to get really creepy. Part of him seemed like her captain, all cocky and sure of his strength. He'd taunted her when she threw ghosts at him, and shown off in general. But then he was silent for minutes in a row, head down so his thin fringe covered his eyes.

He was still taking her against her will, currently gripping her arm tightly as they walked along the road. She pulled against him in vain; his grip was like iron, and Perona was hardly a physical fighter. She'd already kicked out with her boots and bit him, and was at a loss on how to escape.

They had attracted a few stares, but there was no chance the subdued townsfolk would help rescue her either. It was obvious he was a well-known Marine here, and with his attitude they were probably afraid of the guy. Her thoughts were interrupted as they turned- announced by a rough jerk of his arm- into a low tunnel.

"How much further is your base?" whined Perona. Getting kidnapped was bad enough, but exhausting her with all this walking was just unnecessary meanness. She saw him fly with his fire earlier, damn it.

"It ain't my base," he snorted, ignoring her question. "Besides, we've hardly walked for thirty minutes," he pointed out, setting her up to mock her.

"It's not my fault!' Perona pouted, indignant. When you were used to your apparition flying around for everything, regular exercise became an afterthought. Plus, sweat. That was a reason against exercise right there. It was just unnecessary pain.

Ace snorted again, laughing at her.

"How unfit _are_ you? A little princess on a pirate boat…" he laughed again, before suddenly stopping. Perona flinched when she saw his face- in _mid-laugh_ he had suddenly become dark and depressing again!

"Well, you'll probably die first then," he stated.

"Wha-? How dare you say things like that!"

"You're right. Who am I to comment on someone else… my life has no purpose, at least you've found where you belong…" He sank down, crouching as he buried his face into his arm. Perona, being the noble lady she was, attempted to abandon him and escape, but his grip was still amazingly tight.

"You're a Marine, aren't you? Don't you belong there?"

"No one there gets me… I'm only there because my grandpa made me and I've got nothing better to do." His voice seemed to get sadder and quieter as he continued. Sensing an opportunity, Perona pressed.

"So why not leave them then? I'm sure my captain would welcome you onboard; he likes everyone!"

"Then I'd be a traitor… no one would trust me, and I'd never respect myself. If I can't like myself, then no one will, and I might as well end it all here." Not that she agreed with suicide, but it was kinda hard to comfort him when it would make her life so much easier.

She opened her mouth, unsure what to say, when he stood up suddenly, knocking her over.

"Hey!" Rubbing her (cute) bottom, now sore from the concrete, she experienced him happily dragging her along the path again. Glaring as he jumped over a river, crashlanding on the other side of the canal, she wondered what was up with this guy.

He was happy again; almost like he forgot what they were talking about.

"C'mon, princess," he grinned as he taunted her. "Your prison's right around the corner from here."

"Couldn't we keep flying, or going over the rooftops?"

"And leave an obvious trail back to HQ? Nah, they'll be looking for you there, since I started kidnapping you on the roof tops. This way's sneakier," he announced casually.

Sighing, Perona was dragged across into yet another winding alleyway. True enough, Usopp and Chopper couldn't see her at all, keeping a close eye on all of the rooftops from their aerial advantage point, not that she knew this. She had no way of contacting the others to tell them where she was, either- when she tried going into her astral projection, or sending out ghosts to alert them, Ace simply threatened to char-grill her face.

Hopefully they'd find her without too much trouble; how big could Water 7 be?

-_And now, for something completely different_-

"How freakin' big could Water 7 be?" Sanji exclaimed, pissed off. Some passer-bys looked at him nervously, but he didn't care. He felt lost, which was something that should only happen to that idiot lawn-headed swordswoman, not him.

He'd found himself a dealer, after some looking around. That was the easiest part of the day, considering how experienced he was at finding those places. Water 7's most convincing dealer (a serious looking man by the name of Vanilla Iceberg) had sold him quite a stash, including some PCP, which he'd never been talked into trying before. That was for another day though; he simply had one joint to loosen up.

Then, after finally making it to the markets again, he'd spotted someone with the same gorgeous curves as Robin walk past. Heading towards her in his usual cool way (swooning, with much shaking of the hips and cries of 'gorgeous! Mellorine!), he'd been completely ignored.

The girl had worn a mask, so he couldn't be sure, but she looked exactly like Robin otherwise. Following, hoping to go shopping with her, he'd somehow lost her. She'd turned just once, not noticing him, and the moment he rounded the corner she was gone.

"Shitty Water 7," Sanji muttered, trying to spot her again. He wondered what was so important she left the ship for, considering how important it was they left people on board the boat earlier that day. Well, she couldn't have gone too far. . .

-_back onboard the Thousand Sunny_-

Chopper pulled at his horns, unsure what to do. He was hurt, but hadn't bothered with more than a quick sterilisation and bandages. That was a flaw in his Abdominis Point, or Super-gay-abs Point as everyone else called it. He couldn't feel pain in that form, which was good for continuing a tough fight, but was also bad for racking up too many injuries. Still, it wasn't too bad.

At the moment, they were deciding what to do, which was easier said than done.

"Damn it, where's Luffy already?" muttered Zoro, annoyed.

"'ow long 'ave we waited for him?" Chopper asked, worried.

"Too long." If Zoro had bothered checking the time, it would have been half an hour since those two arrived back at the boat, and still no sign of the others.

Brook, Zoro and Franky had stayed by the ship, like agreed. Robin had left without a reason, and Sanji was still out buying food supplies. No one had heard from Luffy or Nami, which was unusual. Normally they could hear Luffy from an island away, but at least there were no signs of a battle taking place in the city.

"Okay," Zoro announced, standing up. "We've waited too long as it is. Let's go take back that pain-in-the-ass right now."

"You sure, bro? Half of us are missing," Franky pointed out. "I'd rather storm a Marine base at full steam, y'know?"

"But what if even more people are captured in the city?" Zoro countered. "Waiting around's not going to help anyone." Zoro frowned, impatient to leave. She adjusted her swords, deciding to go now. "I'm busting her out of there now, whatever you say. You guys coming?"

Chopper jumped up, eager to help. Zoro eyed the bandages along his side, but said nothing. Franky sighed, wishing Luffy was here, or at least someone with a plan.

"Of course I'm in, bro!" he looked back, at the figure of Usopp slumped against the railing. "You coming, Usopp?"

There was no reply.

"Usopp? Come on; we're saving your girl!"

Usopp sighed, muttering his response, "I'll just screw it up for everybody. . . go ahead."

Chopper gasped, running up to him.

"Usopp! What are you doing?" Usopp couldn't answer, blinking back his tears. He knew he was being foolish, but knowing that only hurt more. No matter what, he was the weakest member of the crew, and she was better off without him there.

"Usopp!"

"Leave him, Chopper. We're going," announced Zoro. "Brook, look after the ship, alright?" Brook said nothing, simply nodding his acknowledgment. Considering how much he had contributed to the discussion, it was a wonder they'd remembered he was onboard with them at all.

And so, Zoro, Chopper, and Franky left the ship, mind set on invading the Marine base and rescuing their friend. It wasn't the brightest plan- so much for keeping a low profile while they were here, after all- but it was their only real option. Hopefully they could sneak her out, although they weren't' opposed to a battle. No way would they leave any of their crewmates behind.

-_at the Marine base_-

The room was grand, designed to inspire fear in visitors. White marble floors and walls signified the riches and wealth of the owner. The sole window, an arch in the high ceiling, let the light in away from the door. The effect placed all of the light on the man sitting there, as if to draw attention to his worth, making the entrant feel unimportant.

The man behind the desk knew this, and enjoyed the effect his office had on visitors. It was large for an office, naturally, and only filled with the absolute essentials. It wouldn't hurt his guests to stand for a while, he reasoned.

This man was Smoker, leader of the Marine base on Water 7, and grandpa to the two powerful-yet-insubordinate teenagers in front of him: Ace, and Hina. The former leant against the wall with one foot, the other on the ground in a classic emo pose. Hina merely stood to attention, being the good Marine she was.

"One pirate? You were both sent out, yet I get one pirate in exchange for the loss of an _entire battalion_ of troops?"

"That is right . . . Hina is sorry, Daddy," said Hina, if it wasn't obvious enough who was talking.

"Whatever, pops." That was Ace, the narrator explained unhelpfully.

Smoker sighed behind his cloud of smoke, wondering what he could do. Hopefully the other Strawhats would head here, in an attempt to rescue her. But he'd much rather take the fight to them, catch those pirates unawares, instead of alerting them and making them angry. Now he was stuck waiting to see what they did, only able to react. What could Ace have been thinking, the lazy sod.

"Bring the pirate you caught in here, now," he ordered.

"Do I have to?" whined Ace.

"Now!"

Hina waited before he had left, before asking.

"Why do you want her here, Daddy Dearest?"

"Call me grandpa. I want to keep an eye on her, and make sure no one else screws this up. If the beat a Shichibukai, they should be a good fight worth having, at least," he grinned.

"But Daddy, are you sure you should be fighting? I mean, your, well-"

"Call me grandpa already! It just sounds weird. And of course I can! I'm the toughest Marine here," he declared.

"But Daddy," Hina ignored him completely. "I've seen under the smoke before, and I saw your condition. . ."

It should be mentioned at this point that no one besides Hina had seen behind the cloud of smoke that constantly surrounded the man, which hid a secret to his powers. It was the source of much speculation and rumours among the base, with various pranks and dares for new recruits to try and discover what he looked like.

Stubborn, Smoker whisked away all of his smoke.

"What about me seems unfit to fight, exactly?" he yelled. Hina flinched a little, not daring to look away.

In front of her was an old man in a wheelchair. He had short grey hair, and a hard jaw, but sickly bones and pale skin. Admittedly, he would have still looked somewhat tough, were it not for the IV drip, or the gas mask hanging from his neck.

"Well, not that you look weak, but on the inside, your. . ." Hina stammered.

"My what?" he demanded.

". . . Your lung cancer," whispered Hina. He was scary when he got like this.

"I've explained it before! I can fight just as well as I always could!" insisted Smoker. "The smoke-smoke fruit's advanced techniques turn the body into smoke. The next level of that is to corrupt the body, and transform it permanently! This is what happens when you get stronger with my fruit, I say!"

"To Hina, it just looked like all of his smoking has given Daddy a disease."

"Stop talking like that! I swear, this is the Mangekyō Sharingan of the Smoke-smoke fruit! If your blasted brother ever arrives with that pirate, I'll be able to show you first hand that I'm more powerful." Smoker coughed violently after his statement, somewhat lessening the impact.

Hina tried to smile, wondering how he would hold up in a fight. Smoker still had excellent control over his smoke, but there wasn't much chance of Smoker outrunning or chasing anyone like he was. There was a reason she saw him in action so little; he hardly left his base, unable to travel well. But if the fight was here this could be interesting, Hina thought. Finally, a chance to fight alongside Daddy!

**A/N Mention goes to Dr McNinja, for inspiring part of the super-gay abs-jetpack thing. Sorry about the delays, I haven't been in the mood to write comedy much lately, and work is piling up =.= *collapses* Still, in a few weeks I'm out of school for good, so I can update much faster *cheers* As always, feel free to criticise, comment, or review~ **


	17. So it's a musical now?

**I swear One Piece chapter 602 is the bestest thing ever ^.^ I don't want to spoil it, but feel free to rant about it with me via PM's and things. If you say you disagree, I will fight you. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece, any Linkin Park CD's, the band, or any of the rights to Linkin Park, nor endorse or encourage you to listen to them often. Side effects may include depression, periods of angst, cuts/ bleeding of the wrist, angry outbursts, and erectile dysfunction. **

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 17- So it's a musical now?**

Nami sighed contentedly, running a hand through Luffy's dark hair. She was currently wearing his prized hat, as they walked along the bridges of Water 7. The view of the water below was spectacular, and everything seemed at peace.

Despite this, her mind couldn't let go. Something was annoying her, like a rock in her shoe that just wouldn't be ignored. It was particularly troublesome, even for Usopp.

Her instincts and brains told her something was very wrong with the sniping expert.

'_He was right about Water 7'_, she thought. How had he known they would go there next? He'd guessed it right away when he saw her maps, and had been right about meeting Hancock. Since when was he so psychic, about the Grand Line of all things?

But then, some of his other comments . . .

"_How can people visit these islands and not have any idea how to sail to them? It doesn't add up,"_ he'd asked innocently. As if he could forget why they were on the ship! Plus, he'd acted a little distant since he lost his afro, which he'd never shave off normally. That was weird.

The conclusion Nami arrived at disturbed her. But who could she talk to, to be sure? Luffy, Chopper and Franky were part of the idiot brigade with him; even if they were his better friends onboard, they wouldn't notice if Usopp grew a moustache and started singing show tunes at night. Zoro and Sanji were a little sharper (not that that said much) but they didn't hang out with Usopp as often, or notice these things. Who did that leave?

Robin was the last to join, and Nami couldn't tell with her. She hadn't had the time to know them well, and despite her personality, she was quite reserved and didn't talk about herself much. Brook hardly counted as human, and she had no idea what he was thinking. He spent most of his time playing sad music and staring over at the ocean. Which left- Nami rejected the idea immediately- Perona.

The girl was incredibly naïve, but wasn't stupid like some of the crewmembers they had there. No, she was sharp enough to have noticed if Usopp was acting differently. But the problem was bringing it up without upsetting her, Nami realised. She didn't want to hurt the girl; she was always nice to Nami, like a little sister. But if Nami told her what she thought, Perona would probably just ignore her, sulk, and then tell Usopp she'd been saying trash about him once again. That wouldn't get her anywhere.

So she'd have to confirm her suspicions on her own. She'd ask him to tell the story of how he joined the crew, and carefully check if he knew all the things the true Usopp should know. That seemed like a good place to start. Feeling better, she decided to forget about Usopp until later.

"I'm bored," announced Luffy. "I'm going to grab something to eat!"

"I'll go with you!" Nami panicked, keeping up. How romantic . . .

-_ooh, plot building. But enough of that; on to some fight scenes! And maybe an afro joke, if I can fit yet another in_-

"So, this is the place?" Zoro frowned, looking at the deceptively plain building. Marines usually set up elaborate, eye-catching towers that stuck fear in the hearts of mortals, and set up guards all over the place where a normal office would have lawn. By contrast, the brick and stone looked more like a large office complex, or library.

"Of course it is!" Franky flashed her a thumbs up, confident.

"My instincts tell me it should be this way," muttered Zoro, heading back the way they came.

"Get back here!"

Chopper laughed; glad they weren't being too serious about this. If they panicked nothing would get done, after all. Gulping, he looked around carefully, curious. The complex was tucked away, behind alleys and high walls on one side of the town. It understated the rumours of a massive marine presence here on the island, but the speed with which those marines had ambushed him earlier told otherwise. They must have spotted Usopp or one of the others from a distance, and then launched the attack when Ace got there.

So they had to assume this place was as dangerous as they said.

"Let us go," stated Chopper, heading towards the wall on the side. They scaled it quickly, deciding to sneak in. A direct encounter with every Marine by the front door would be fun, but would have to wait until Perona was safe.

Franky was a little quiet, thinking nostalgically. He'd grown up here for a few years, before they moved, and wondered if anyone he knew was still on Water 7. Probably not, but it couldn't hurt to keep his eyes open.

The courtyard they landed in was lush and green, with thick ferns and palms hiding how large the area was. Ivy even coated the brick walls. Chopper had time to wonder if the Marines did experiments on these, for medicinal purposes, or whether this was someone's private hobby. Then, they met their first Marine here.

"Stay back!" Zoro leaped forward, sword blocking an attack aimed right at Chopper's head. Looking up, he suddenly saw a tall man clad in strange armour, grinning. He swung another arm, aiming to bash her in with the orbs on his armour, but Zoro's second sword was ready. They clashed and fell back, crashing through the shrubbery.

"Who are you?" Chopper yelled, bulking up to his larger, battle-ready form.

"Allmusic refers to Pearl Jam as "the most popular American rock & roll band of the '90s!" yelled the man proudly.

"I have no idea what you just said, but get out of our way before I cut you into ribbons," Zoro said flatly.

"Is he a marine?" Franky looked on quizzically.

The man clashed the large orbs- pearls?- on his armor together, leaping at Zoro again. She met his attack, clashing furiously as they whirled. Branches and leaves around the garden split from the force of her sword attacks, but he managed to block every direct attack with his amour

"In an early promotional interview, Vedder said that the name "Pearl Jam" was a reference to his great-grandmother Pearl, who was married to a Native American and had a special recipe for peyote-laced jam!" laughed the man, confusing Zoro completely. In her moment of hesitation he took his opportunity to attack, pushing her back.

"What the hell is he on about?"

"You'll have to excuse my friend," a new voice casually announced. Up atop a gnarled tree branch another man stood, arms folded, Marine hat down over his eyes. "He only speaks in quotes from the Wikipedia article on Pearl Jam."

"You barely make more sense than he does!" Zoro grumbled.

"See, his name is Pearl, and he's very into their music. He's also a cocky, undefeated fighter prized by the Marines here as a sort of savage watch dog. Big heavy hitter, Pearl is," the man explained. "Have fun fighting him!" With that cheery farewell he leapt off the tree, disappearing through a curtain of leaves. Almost immediately Franky's arm shot out, swinging him up the branch, crashing into the man. They glared for a moment on the treetop, tense.

"Where're you going, bro?"

"Where else? To report you intruders, while Pearl here keeps you all busy." Franky tried not to look behind, as sounds of more bashing and slicing emitted from the courtyard.

"The hell I'd let you!" declared Franky, striking a pose as best he was able to on the thin branch.

"Try not to be silly. There's no way you can take me down, so it's easier if you just come quietly," the man announced lightly. He lifted his hat, facing Franky for the first time.

"No . . . no way!" Franky flinched backwards, horrified. "It's you . . . working for the Marines now?"

"I always have," the man replied.

"How- how could you? You monster! You were our friend!" He readied his arm, tears manfully rolling down his cheeks.

"I have no idea what you're on about," was the soft-spoken reply.

"So that's it, huh? You're just gonna pretend you don't know us? After everything we've been through!" Franky yelled, raw emotion sweating off him in waves.

"Seriously, I have never met you before," the man tried.

"Usopp! How could you say that!" Franky accused.

"Who is Usopp?" the Marine asked confusedly.

"Look at that nose! You're Usopp, no doubt about it! Traitor!"

"My name is Kaku. I am a Marine."

"..."

An awkward silence crossed with the breeze.

" . . . Are you sure?" ventured Franky.

"Of course I'm sure of my name!"

"Oh. Sorry about the mix up." Franky hung his head, embarrassed. This guy looked just like Usopp, though . . . Unsure of what to do, still in full-testosterone-pumping-manly-'you betrayed us'-emotional-mode, he coughed and looked to the side.

"Are you _really_ sure?"

"Enough of this!" Kaku unsheathed his sword, darting towards Franky. He fell back to avoid the attack, falling for the feint. Kaku took the opportunity to leap across the branch, headed towards the Marine building again.

"Hey! Get back here!" Franky took pursuit, right behind him.

"I've got this guy! You guys get in there and save Perona, okay?" Yelled Franky, before crashing out of earshot. On the ground, Zoro didn't look up, focused on blocking and trying to find an opening. Chopper swung, hoof bouncing off Pearl's armour, as they continued to struggle.

Zoro frowned; both of her swords no use. Pearl's attacks were large bashing movements, the opposite of her fine cuts. Blocking with a sword just wasn't an option against what were, for all intents and purposes, gigantic metal shields strapped to his hands with pearls inlaid like cherries in the middle. If she could pass them and cut him torso the match would be over in a heartbeat, but as it was now he was matched too well against a swordsman.

"Or swordswoman," she muttered unconsciously.

"Zoro!" cried Chopper, landing next to her after another blocked attack.

"We need go save Perona now! I take this guy," his Engrish worsening due to his panic.

Zoro raised one eyebrow, sceptical.

"You're already injured. I can take this guy, you head in and get her out."

Chopper refused, shaking his head.

"No! Stronger Marines in there. You have to go in, or else we have no chance!"

"Are you sure you can take him?" asked Zoro, yelling as she back-flipped, dodging another swipe from Pearl.

"Yes!" Chopper was adamant; he had to win.

"Beat him quick then," muttered Zoro, running past Pearl. Perona could be annoying, but she was one of their crewmates. She'd do anything for them, if push came to shove, and Zoro felt the same way for the rest of the crew. That was what it was to be a pirate on Luffy's crew, after all. They had to find that pain and get her out safe, damnit.

"Pearl Jam headed into the studio in early 1993 facing the challenge of following up the commercial success of its debut!" declared Pearl, which might have meant he thought he could face both of them. Chopper leaped at him, the tussle giving Zoro time to get out of there.

Hooves together, another attack was deflected off his armor. This guy's defenses were good; until he figured out how to get past them, this fight was going to drag out. Chopper spun, avoiding another heavy hand. Teeth gritted, he tried to ignore the flaming in his side.

"No way the abs could work- I can't use a pill so soon," decided Chopper. His encounter with the Marines had hurt more then he let on, but he had no choice. If he wanted to help save Perona, he had to be a man.

-_scene change, to inside the marine base. Damn, no afro jokes yet. Must try harder_-

Ace sighed, in an elaborate way intended to annoy adults, convey the overwhelming angst in his heart, and simultaneously attract attention to himself. He was pretty good at sighing.

Unfortunately, Smoker was used to that kind of behaviour, and ignored him completely. Ace sighed again, leaning against the wall now.

"What?" grumbled the Marine inside the smoke.

"I'm bored," whined Ace.

"I don't give a rat's ass. This is your job," Smoker reminded him. He then ignored Ace some more, making calls on his den den mushi. He was busy bringing the patrols in, in order to better protect the base. He wasn't going to risk screwing up this chance to capture the Strawhat's, and prove his usefulness to the higher-ups. If he beat someone a Shichibukai like Hancock lost to, even they couldn't ignore him.

"The marksmen is mine," he told Ace.

"Like I care," back-talked his grandson. "Why do I have to be here? At least let me go get some food."

"The prisoner is here, you dolt! Like it or not, this office is the place you need to focus on guarding."

Ace mumbled an unhealthy response about Smoker's mother, ignoring that was his great-grandmother. Hina had been sent lower, to guard another floor and organise troops. He was stuck here in Smoker's grand marble office, along with Perona and two statue-like guards. The girl in question was currently lying on a couch, half-asleep. She'd used up all of her energy struggling and shouting at them earlier, and was currently sapped of strength thanks to the frequently-abused seastone handcuffs on her wrists.

Hands behind her back, Perona had to struggle just to sit up properly, so she could glare at that meanie Ace. It was totally worth the effort, of course. Smoker was silent, which left her with very boring captors. They could at least taunt her, or do something interesting to pass the time, she thought.

"You should go grab food," the pink-haired teen suggested. "I'm hungry as well, and can't escape or anything." Ace ignored her offer, annoyingly. She'd been hoping Smoker would argue against it, and they might fight or something. Or at least get her some ice cream.

"Well, you're cheery. Anything on your mind?" she tried again.

"There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface," Ace mumbled.

"What?" Finally, he was talking at least. Creepy conversation still beat no one to talk to, to her mind.

"Consuming; confusing . . . This lack of self-control I fear is never ending. Controlling; I can't seem . . ." he trailed off.

"Can't seem to what?" she asked bluntly. This guy was _weird_.

"To find myself again, my walls are closing in."

One of the black guards joined in, his voice providing back up.  
"Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take!"

"I've felt this way before, so in-se-cure~" Ace belted louder, head down. Perona waited, the mood tense.

"CRAWLING in my skin, these wounds, they will not heal!" Ace pumped his fist to the rhythm, the other guard tapping his foot along now.  
"FEAR is how I fall, confu-sing what is real!"

"Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me, distracting; reacting," he began to race around the room, with a frantic, almost tangible energy.  
"Against my will I stand beside my own reflection. It's haunting how I can't seem . . ."

"To find myself again, my walls are closing in~"

Perona looked on, amazed, as the cocky marine sang faster, raw emotion in his every word. The black guard stood back-to-back with him for a moment, providing back-up as he spoke faster and faster with perfect timing. His pose haunted and tragic, he finished, throat straining with the powerful lyrics.

"Crawling in my skin, these wounds, they will not heal~  
"Fear is how I fall," he fell to the ground, collapsing weakly. Arm up, hand bathed in the light from the window, he breathed the last line faintly, but with the same emotion.

"Confu-sing what is real . . ."

Hand falling backwards, he laid motionless, energy spent, the closing chords echoing throughout the room. Perona released her breath, unaware she'd been holding it in. The room was silent for a moment, in awe of what had just happened.

Then, as if nothing had ever happened, Ace got back up and leant against the wall. He was back to the cocky, regular punk version of himself, as opposed to the dark and tragic Ace she had just seen. Perona sighed, missing the emo teenager. It made him much more attractive when he was tragic.

"Oh well," she sighed.

Smoker, who must have had nerves of steel, continued to organize troops, securing each exit along the building. There weren't many actual troops in the building, after Hina and Ace had sent out squadrons into the city, and many were injured. A few also weren't able to respond, which was promising. Eventually Ace compromised, allowed to take a break, as long as he stuck on this floor and kept an ear out for trouble. Smoker wasn't very happy, but Perona was. Spending too much time with that guy was exhausting.

Blinking, she wondered if they had actually just sung, or if it was in her head from the seastone. She'd never know.

-_lower down, on the first floor_-

Zoro cursed, pissed off with her current situation. She'd entered the first floor and wandered around looking for someone who knew where Perona was. Somehow she'd entered a kitchen, which was the last place she expected to find anyone important, and was currently stuck.

"Sasasasasa!" chortled the strange opponent in front of her.

"Tch. Is that meant to be your laugh, freak?" Zoro strained harder, unable to move.

"You're stuck, you're stuck~ " the man began to twirl around, dancing bizarrely. "My names Wanze!"

"I don't care what your name is!"

Zoro grunted as she struggled, wondering what exactly was binding her. It looked like . . .

"Ramen?"

"Ramen Kenpo, one of the strongest techniques in the world!"

"Shut up." If she could just reach her swords, this would be an easy victory for her. But at the rate things were going, that might not work. Unable to move, Zoro was hit once, twice, three times, powerful blows pushing her back.

"Are you gonna cry?" teased the freakishly dressed chef. He had scraggly white hair, a dark coat with no shirt, and, for some inexplicable reason, roller skates on, so he was faster then she expected.

"Hell no! I refuse to take a single hit from someone like you, starting now!" declared Zoro, glaring.

"You can't keep that for promise for long!" sang the cook, skating towards Zoro. He rushed at her, ready for another attack, when-

"Fire star!" Wanze leaped backwards, arms flailing as he struggled to keep his balance, barely avoiding the shot. Zoro looked across the room to see a familiar silhouette standing tall in front of the window.

"He came to his senses . . . it's about time, Usopp" muttered Zoro, grinning wearily.

"Not Usopp. . ." announced the man, leaping down dramatically as his cape billowed behind him.

"Sogeking, to the rescue!"

**A/N: Wow, music references and a cutaway to a song. Not intentional, but this chapter came out kinda musical compared to previous ones, huh? Lotsa cameos, as well~ Also, no more emo Usopp! Let me know what you think, good and bad, as always~**


	18. Sanji gets a turn!

**Last edited: 26/11/2010

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**I'm running out of disclaimer ideas... as a result, here is scene 5 of "The Artist", episode 66 of TV's **_**The Golden Girls**_**. Enjoy~**

Living Room. Blanche enters from the kitchen and heads towards the bedroom hallway. Rose is sitting on the couch.

Rose

Hi Blanche.

Blanche

Oh, I am so mad.

Rose

Blanche, I can explain.

Blanche

Explain what? It's got nothing to do with you. It's Laszlo. I just saw some of the sketches he's been doing of me, Rose. He never lets me see them. So today I looked through his things and I found some. They're horrible. The hair is all big and frizzy, the body is all droopy and saggy. The woman in those sketches is a dog.

Rose

Blanche?

Blanche

She's a clown.

Rose

Blanche?

Blanche walks towards Rose and throws her purse on the couch. She then takes a seat next to Rose.

Blanche

She's just a hideous, wrinkled old bag.

Rose

The woman is those sketches is me.

Blanche

I know she sounds like you honey, but she's not.

Rose

Yes she is... look.

Rose holds up her key to Laszlo's studio. Blanche is stunned.

Oh, I wanted to tell you about this all week but I couldn't. I've been posing for Laszlo too.

Blanche

Oh dear lord... strike me dead right here and now if that man prefers Rose Nylund over me.

Rose

Blanche, you can't take it personally. Laszlo just decided he wanted someone with more... innocence.

Blanche

With more cellulite is more like it.

Rose stands up.

Rose

Take that back.

Blanche stands up and faces her.

Blanche

I will not.

Rose

Yes you will.

Blanche

I will not.

Rose

You will too.

Dorothy enters from the Kitchen door.

Dorothy

Girls, girls! What is going on here?

Blanche

Nothing, Rose is just stabbing me in the back.

Rose

I did not.

Blanche

She's been posing for Laszlo too.

Rose

He asked me too.

Blanche

I don't know why, he could go to SeaWorld if he wanted to see a naked whale.

Rose

Or your bathtub.

Blanche

Oh, that does it missy. All right, this means war. We'll both keep going. We'll just see who he picks for his sculpture.

Rose

Fine, it's going to be me.

Blanche

No it's not. It's going to be me.

Dorothy

Girls, girls, I think I can settle this.

Blanche

All right Dorothy, tell her who it's going to be.

Dorothy pulls out her own key to Laszlo's studio and proudly displays it to the other two girls.

Dorothy

It's going to be me.

Off Dorothy's confident expression... fade to black. Cut to exterior, house.

**There. If that doesn't get me flamed, nothing will xD I sincerely hope none of you read all of that. Now, 464 words in, let's start this chapter:

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**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 18- Sanji gets a turn!**

Sogeking landed heroically, shooting several spicy peppers to distract the freak as he ran to help Zoro. He tried pulling the ropes binding her, failing.

"Are these . . . noodles?"

"Don't ask," Zoro shuddered. After witnessing Usopp's (I'm Sogeking damn it! Call me by my name!) attempts at pulling them off with his strength (or lack of it), she just yelled at him to set them on fire.

"Alright, just, -gyaaaaark!" Sogeking hit the ground hard, as Wanze skated past.

"Too bad! Those chillies only made my ramen spicy! I'm stronger now!" he shouted gleefully, as red noodles slapped Sogeking out of the way.

If Zoro had a hand free to facepalm, she would have.

-_And now, for a quick recap: Usopp/Sogeking and Zoro are in the middle of the Marine base, which itself lies at the East of Water 7. Two floors above them, Perona, Ace and Smoker are waiting for them, currently unaware the rescue attempt has started. Hina has left to guard a-so-far-unknown part of the Marine base. _

_The outside of this base is being guarded by Pearl, who was originally a big guy working for Don Krieg, and fought when Sanji joined the crew at the restaurant. However, in this dimension, he is a marine soldier who only talks about the band Pearl Jam, and is currently fending off Chopper, who is struggling against the sheer brute force behind his attacks. If this were a manga, I would now show one quick panel with Chopper about to eat a Rumble ball, unsure if he should have one so soon after eating one in his last fight, wary of the side effects. Should he try to fight without it? _

_Franky is currently chasing another marine man, attempting to stop him raising the alarm. The man is Kaku, the long-nosed CP9 soldier in Usopp's dimension with a striking resemblance to Usopp himself (it's just the nose, really). In this world he appears to have been demoted to a regular Marine, but he hasn't shown his strength or tried to fight Franky properly just yet. Franky is currently pursuing him across several rooftops in a regular part of the city, as Kaku tries to throw him off his trail. Kaku himself is mindful of taking a Strawhat Pirate directly to where Perona is being held, and is also having fun toying with the cyborg. _

_Luffy and Nami are currently strolling in a Northern part of the city, unaware of all the danger around them. Luffy is looking for somewhere he can eat, which shouldn't be a surprise. They haven't been spotted yet- the Marines aren't everywhere, but expect them to get into some fun before they leave the island. _

_Brook is standing guard for the ship, the sole occupant of the Thousand Sunny at this point. The boat itself is moored behind several rocky outcroppings and cliffs, out of sight on the Western shores, away from the city of Water 7. The skeletal man is merely playing violin slowly and mournfully, up on the side of the ship as he watches the tides. Afro perking slightly, he suddenly stops, looking to the side sharply. _

"_My afro senses . . ._

"_I sense a powerful opponent," he mutters, before drawing his sword. Mindful of his duty, he resolves to wait until another of the crew returns before he can explore this in detail. Concentrating, he realises this opponent's afro is strange, unlike previous fights. But it's not something he can sense clearly from this distance . . ._

_The final members of the Strawhats- Sanji and Robin- are currently located towards the South of the island, in a run-down factory district of the city. Sanji, who had been searching for a market, had stumbled across someone secretive who looked a lot like a masked Robin. Unfortunately, being masked (duh), he couldn't say for sure, and attempted to catch up with her when she gave him the slip. Sanji being Sanji, couldn't ignore a girl, and decided to search for her. Oh, and he probably realised that she wasn't meant to leave the ship, and was sneaking around in a mask suspiciously, which was something worth investigating anyway. Or he just noticed her curves. Either way, he's looking for her, and is up next. A-hem. And now, here is what he found . ._ _._-

Sanji breathed in quietly, keeping as still as possible. He was lying across the roof of a large warehouse, near the coast of Water 7, and had to be silent. The corrugated iron was old, and didn't fit the roof properly, making a racket whenever he moved. Carefully, he managed to leap through a window that faced the sky, and roll into the room below.

The room used to be a second floor, where advisors could watch the factory work below. However, time and unfinished renovations had left it bare, a wooden platform with random pieces of scrap metal and straw thrown about. The edge was unguarded, a sheer drop to the bottom floor, some 12 feet below.

It was perfect, really. Crawling to the edge, face just peering over, he watched the conversation happening below him. He had finally found Robin, and followed her all the way here. There was something fishy about all of this, though.

This warehouse was where he had been earlier, when he bought his latest stash. Why would Robin come to this kind of place, masked no less? Thinking logically, he doubted she was here to buy something either- she had no money on her, and had been granted an audience with two people at once. Plus, she usually just took whatever pills and joints he had at the time, seeing how little she smoked compared to him.

Resisting the urge to have a smoke while he listened, Sanji leant in closer to the floorboards.

". . . do you remember how fun that was?" laughed a male's voice. It sounded like Vanilla Iceberg, the short-haired man who had sold him stuff earlier.

"Yes," a familiar voice replied, subdued.

"I am _so_ glad you remember those times. It'd be a shame if we had to, say, _start over your education_." Iceberg sounded like he was threatening her. Fists clenching, Sanji risked looking over to see Robin standing in front of the guy.

They sounded like they knew her, and were threatening her. But why?

"Do we have a deal?" she asked, voice emotional.

"I don't know," Iceberg stepped forward, hand grabbing her chin tightly. Sanji glared in his direction, about to pounce down and beat the crap out of that guy. No, he had to be cool, figure out what was happening before he rushed in. He wasn't Luffy; he had brains for a reason.

"By all rights you're my property anyway. Why should I have to pay just to get _my_ property back?" Iceberg peered forward, face-to-face with Robin. The angle prevented Sanji from seeing her reaction, but she seemed to be shaking, and hadn't lifted a hand against him.

"Iceberg, fill me in," the other man began. His voice was deeper, rougher. He had his hands wide, as if asking for something.

"Yes, Crocodile?"

"What kind of history are you talkin' about with this girl? Anythin' that stops me from havin' fun?" His tone made it sound like they were discussing something insignificant and casual.

"No way," Iceberg turned serious. "Robin is _mine_ to use as I see fit, and only privileged members have ever touched her."

"What, we ain't good buddies? I've been here for months on your side. Who's the one who took bullets for who?" he reminded.

"Crocodile . . ." Iceberg sighed, "bullets don't even harm you. Your noble gesture is lost if you turned into sand the instant the bullet hit you."

"I still stopped them from hitting you," he pointed out in annoyance. "Well, what's it gonna take to use this chick then? She _is_ your hooker, right?"

Sanji felt his jaw drop several feet at this conversation. These gangsters were talking about Robin as if she was some kind of prostitute! How dare they! And the scarred one, the big guy Iceberg called Crocodile- the way he was looking at Robin made his blood boil. Admittedly, it was the same look he gave Robin and Nami, but that wasn't something he was going to admit out loud.

Besides. He was their crewmate, and he gave them sweets while he looked at them. It was different okay? It was okay then.

He leaped down the sheer drop, landing smoothly on one knee next to Robin.

"Who're you?" Iceberg and Crocodile instantly turned to him, tense.

"Let me ask you somethin'," Sanji lit up a smoke casually, ignoring the looks on their faces. "Are you plannin' on askin' the lady- Robin- what she thinks of all this?"

"Sanji, get outa here! You don't understand!" Robin turned to him, tears in her eyes.

"I understand enough! These guys aren't exactly your friends, are they?"

"Kid, do as she says and leave. If you do, we might not kill you," Iceberg glared at him.

"Screw that, I want to kill him anyway," Crocodile announced.

"Stop talkin' like I'm not here!" Sanji roared, roundhouse-kicking Crocodile right in the torso. The man exploded, sand flying everywhere as his shoe passed right through Crocodile.

"Wha-?"

"You don't know who you're dealing with, punk," grinned Crocodile's disembodied head. His fist reformed from the sand, lifting Sanji by the neck.

"Sanji!" Robin yelled, watching on with horror.

"That's what he gets for breaking in and trying to mess up the show, girl," Iceberg explained coldly.

Sanji made a desperate choking noise, before flipping and swinging his leg right through the hand that held him. Dust and dirt flew everywhere again, as Crocodile reformed into sand.

"Impressive twist, but it won't help. You can't land a single hit on me!" Crocodile began to laugh as he appeared at the other side of the warehouse, out of his range. Sanji steamed, ignoring the pain in his neck. Flipping while held up like that had put his entire body's weight on his neck, but he couldn't focus on that right now. His priority was getting Robin out of there; he could ask exactly what was going on between these guys- and why they had her- later.

Realising this, he turned from Crocodile and leapt towards Iceberg, a sweeping kick landing right on the side of his head. Iceberg was taken aback, falling to the ground for a moment. Sanji grabbed Robin's hand, pulling her as he made for an exit.

"C'mon, let's go!"

"No, you don't get it! I can't go back," Robin looked away from him, standing her ground.

"What?" Sanji looked at her for a moment in shock, his smoke falling out of his mouth. What did she mean by that? Crocodile took advantage of his moment of confusion, smashing him in the back. Sanji heaved as he was picked up, thrown around to dizzying heights by a small sand-twister, and crunched into the iron roof of the warehouse, before free-falling into the concrete below.

"That'll teach ya to turn your back on me," Crocodile grunted. Robin covered her mouth with several hands, as she bit her nails, fidgeted, hung her hands low, and adjusted her hat with several sets of hands. Sanji had tried, but it was impossible to beat Crocodile, let alone Vanilla Iceberg . . . Glancing towards Iceberg himself, who was dusting himself off, Crocodile resumed their conversation.

"So, how much for the girl?"

"I said quit that crap!"

Crocodile turned to see Sanji standing up, blood running down the side of his head.

"Haven't had enough yet?"

"I'll show you, shitty sandman. Robin's coming with me, end of story," he announced victoriously.

"Oh?" Crocodile raised one eyebrow in amusement, as his hand drifted off into sand. "I can beat you up all day if you want me to," he promised.

Sanji slid across the floor, kicking Crocodile up into the air from below. His body instantly dispersed into sand, on reflex, but the curly-eyebrowed chef continued with a barrage of swift, smaller kicks, striking every inch of Crocodile. Each time he turned into sand, the attacks worthless, until his entire body was floating as particles of sand.

Sanji made to run past, but was shoved to the ground as Crocodile reformed with no ill effect.

"Shit!" Sanji gritted through his teeth, as the man threw him like a rag doll. Getting up immediately, he thought furiously. Turning the guy completely into sand hadn't done anything . . . Well, it had seemed like it was worth a shot. Things were looking bad- what could he try?

"If that's all you got, I'll be taking the woman right now," taunted Crocodile.

"I didn't allow that yet," pointed out Iceberg coolly.

"Yeah yeah, I'll deal with you next," muttered Crocodile.

"Damn it!" Sanji exploded. "Stop treatin' her like she's not a person!" he yelled, flames in his eyes.

"She is not," mentioned Iceberg. "I am her pimp, and she is my property." His voice was cold, impersonal.

"I'll kill both of you!" roared Sanji, chivalry running through his veins like boiling water, even as Crocodile materialised and pummelled him.

"Sanji, escape while ya have a chance! These guys can trash even Luffy, so just get out!"

"Never! I am a true man!" Sanji yelled to the sky, getting back up again on shaky legs. Hearing her give up, and not expect him to win . . . it made him even more determined to show off his strength. This battle would be a piece of cake- he swore it on his pride as a man!

Spinning on one leg at a lightning pace, he prepared one of his strongest attacks, spinning even faster as he spoke.

"Diable Jambe: Mutton Shot!" he yelled, leaping into the air as his leg hit Crocodile in the side, directly beneath the arm. Crocodile hissed in pain, flinching backwards as everyone watched in confusion.

"What did you do?" he yelled. Looking at his side, the area Sanji had struck was covered in some kind of silver bruise that had spread over the length of his torso.

"Heh," Sanji pulled out another smoke, running it across the flames on his legs to light it, grinning. "A good chef knows how to cook up a flame- in his heart and on the battlefield."

"Flame?" Crocodile furrowed his eyebrows at the younger man, comprehending. "That spinning kick- you were on fire when you hit me, weren't you?"

"Exactly," crowed Sanji. "And when sand gets hot enough, it becomes glass. This fight's as good as over." Crocodile hissed, rubbing the glassy skin under his armpit. He'd never had to worry about something like this before in a battle; how long would the effect last?

"I'm still going to crush you," he snorted. "You can barely stand after that attack- how much does it take out of you? Besides, I haven't shown you half of what I can do," he pulled out the poison-tipped hook on his other arm as he finished his sentence, grinning evilly. This kid had gotten lucky, but it wasn't like he knew about his weakness to water yet. Robin would be his, no doubt about it.

Grinning with the thrill of battle, Sanji leaped at Crocodile, giving it his all.

-_meanwhile, back at the base_-

Zoro struggled once more, swearing never to eat ramen noodles again as long as she lived. Sogeking was currently dodging desperately, avoiding most of the cook's attacks. Sure, Wanze was distracted, but that was no use to her if she didn't use this time to escape. Zoro could feel her swords against her thigh- they were so close it was pissing her off.

Wait. Frowning, Zoro tried desperately to remember. Her swords were all there, including the one she still kept from Tashigi back on the boat! This might just work.

"Jin-shi-shi-gami Shigure!

Japachinko-Nami-karaoke Shigure!

Ja-shiggy-kaka . . . Oh hell." Zoro sweated, realising this was hopeless. What was the name of that damn sword?

Meanwhile, Sogeking cart-wheeled out of the way, narrowly avoiding a fist made of ramen. Ninja throwing stars flew towards Wanze, but his ramen shifted to absorb the blow effortlessly.

"Oh man, oh man!" Sogeking screamed, as he continued to run from the ramen tsunami behind him. "Try this: fire star!" a phoenix of flames appeared, shooting across the kitchen, setting a bench on fire.

"How dare you!" Wanze screamed, panicking as he realised the danger his kitchen was in. Quickly dousing the fire (with noodle broth, of course), Sogeking took the time to attack.

"Rotten egg star!" a foul brown egg squished against the ramen, instantly ruining its taste.

"How dare yoooooooouuuuu!" bellowed Wanze, turning from the bench to strike Sogeking directly. However, he couldn't move.

"Hahahahaha!" Sogeking chuckled, holding his sides. "You just fell for my surprise attack!" Wanze looked down to see a green, sticky goo on the floor, currently all over his roller blades.

"You were so preoccupied with my rotten egg, you completely missed the gunk I threw! Now you're trapped!" exclaimed Sogeking triumphantly, pointing his finger at the cook. "You should just give up now!"

Bam. Instantly, Wanze leaped out of his shoes, kicking Sogeking in the face, as the fight continued.

"Well, duh," sighed Zoro. At least she had some time while they fought. If there was one thing Usopp could do well, it was stall for time. She still refused to call him Sogeking, though.

As she closed her eyes, she focussed her strength, attempting to drown out the two idiots in front of her. All went still as she imagined she was the surface of a lake.

Breathing slowing, she felt the exercise sharpen her senses, her body, her mind. All sound faded, as she began to imagine she was as sharp and clear as a blade; a reflection of life, still and deadly. A small spark jolted across her vision, dancing like a deer from the forest. It had no name, but she could sense it, tangible, almost within her grasp. Even slower she breathed, heart rate stopping for just a moment. Zoro could hear nothing but the blood rushing through her ears, as she achieved perfect clarity.

"Jishinkaminarikajioyaji Shigure!" she cried, lightning flaring around her as the blade recognised her. She had defeated its previous master- it would work for her now. She could control it.

Limp noodles dropped to the ground. Zoro stretched, drawing her dual blades in both hands. Wanze turned to look at her, face contorted in horror.

"How- How did you know? The noodle element is weak to electricity!"

"There is no noodle element, jack-ass!" yelled Zoro, sweat dripping from the back of her head in exasperation. "You just completely ruined the serious mood!"

Zoro whirled, slashing Wanze into a bench top which exploded into splinters.

"Go and find your girl; I'll catch up as soon as this guys down for good."

"Are you sure?" asked Sogeking, stammering at the shock of the attack. Inside, he was kind of thinking Zoro was more capable of saving Perona then he was.

"You're the one who lost last time. Prove you're a man and win her back. We both know you can if you try, so hurry up and get out of here," she spoke sternly. Sogeking gulped; Zoro never gave compliments, but he was right. Er, she. Either way, he had to be the one who rescued her- he saw that now.

"I won't be long!" he cried, running out of the kitchen as fast as he could. Wanze made to trip him up, but a jolt of blue electricity shocked the noodle out of his path. Running, he knew Zoro could win in a fair fight, but he couldn't help but worry if she was caught again. If those noodles could knock away her swords, the fight was practically lost. . . It could go either way.

No! He shook his head, gulping as he searched for stairs. He had to believe in his crew, like they believed in him. And so, Sogeking headed up the stairs, searching for Perona and her captors in the Marine base alone. . . Could he make it out alive?

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-_to be continued, as always. Sorry I couldn't make Sogeking freakish, but then, that is the regular Usopp from the 'real' One Piece world, so naturally he can't change. Expect a heated rematch between Usopp and Ace soon! _-


	19. Say no to drugs, say no to victory

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, this disclaimer is back, bigger, better, and _sometimes __underlined. _It still doesn't own One Piece sadly, although the chances of that are improving with mad underlining skills such as these.

**The Mighty Captain Usopp's Great and Wonderful Journey into another Dimension 19- Say no to drugs, say no to victory**

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Chopper raised his arm just in time to 'block' another blow from Pearl, the sheer force of the giant man's attack still managing to push him back. This man was simply too powerful for his regular heavy point, especially with the damage fresh from his battle with those Marines earlier.

The man in question wore a large metal shield on both his chest and back, as well as smaller ones along his knees and elbows, with pearls inlaid in them. He had a somewhat handsome face for a Marine, a large pearl covered his hair as a hat, and flat pearls shined even on his boots, adding to his strange appearance. His gauntlets had the strongest, hardest shields, ones that were currently pounding the life out of Chopper.

Against this walking jewellery catalogue, there was no choice- he had to risk it and use another rumble ball and hope for the best. Chopper bit down hard, hoping this wouldn't be a fatal mistake.

Since he'd downed another pill just an hour or two ago (what was he, Sanji?), the side effects of two rumble balls stopped Chopper from controlling whatever he became. The half-man-half-centaur-barely-clad-in-a-leather-loincloth Ranged Point was good for long-distance fighting with its bow, but was useless against a close-quarters foe like this. His 'Super Gay Abs' form would be better, but brute force against brute force fights tended to leave huge injuries for both opponents, and he was lucky the unstable new form had worked properly earlier, let alone now.

Ideally, he needed the Sadistic Point, the super-fast and powerful version of his Heavy Point. That one was linked, however, to-

Chopper took another hit, metal shield slamming him in the gut. Dropping to his knees he desperately gasped for air, as another slamming attack came his way, sending the reindeer crashing into a tree. Stars and cotton candy danced across his vision, as he sat up dizzily. Snapping through some vines Pearl followed, screaming, "Throughout its career, Pearl Jam has promoted wider social and political issues, from pro-choice sentiments to opposition to George W. Bush's presidency!"

Chopper's vision went red, not unlike that James Bond movie effect. You know, where the first-person view goes dark red after he's shot in the head. Man, that movie sure was clever for it's time, even if it looks cheesy and over-used now. But the red was his own blood- dripping from a fresh laceration over his eye- as Pearl pummelled him yet again, edge the edge of a shield cutting him.

Chopper knew he should be worried; he was losing this fight, badly. But that was irrelevant, compared to how turned on he was . . . For the uncontrolled drug had chosen the Masochistic Point, and his body enjoyed the pain.

"Yes . . . please, more!" he cried, hoping his boner wasn't visible, all thoughts of fighting lost in the ecstasy pounding through his body, literally.

"Industry insiders compared Pearl Jam's tour that year to the touring habits of Led Zeppelin, in that the band 'ignored the press and took its music directly to the fans'!" laughed Pearl, sure of his win. Another blow sent Chopper's body flying into the air, past more vines and exotic flowers, until he could see the whole courtyard.

In the air, he glimpsed the Marine base for a moment, eyes widening and losing their trance-like gaze. That was right . . . he'd been fighting to help his friends! Shivering, he realised he'd fallen for the trap of this form, and nearly lost himself.

The reindeer's furred body landed heavily onto the lawn. The impact from the landing, along with the previous damage, made it hard for him to stand up; the man's sheer force had nearly crippled him. Wheezing as he looked at his foe, Chopper knew that he only had one chance left.

The 'pet of the Marines', -as Kaku had called him- was mindlessly charging towards Chopper, yelling more obscure trivia about overrated bands that had sold out, and weren't really cool enough to talk about anymore (no offence Pearl jam fans. All two of you).

The Masochistic Point was weak, but it absorbed the pain inflicted on it. When he released it, all of the damage inflicted on Chopper would be doubled and sent back at the man. That might be enough to beat Pearl, if he didn't miss and strike a shield. Taking a fighting stance, aiming carefully at an exposed part of his side, he readied for the attack, when-

A clicking noise reverberated inside his head.

"Not now!" he screamed, leaping to the side, barely avoiding a sweeping arm from Pearl. "No!" Chopper cursed, as he fled backwards, limping. His Masochistic point had changed, and now he was in the Sadistic Point, at the worst possible time. Pearl followed, keeping up his onslaught.

This form was faster and powerful, but that one hit he'd saved up for was lost, the damage pointless. Worse still, sadism was _enjoying_ dealing out pain. Put simply, this form didn't take well to receiving pain, and had zero defences. With the resilience and defence of a sheet of paper, he franticly leapt and dodged every blow Pearl sent his way, not daring to guard even once.

But he couldn't keep this up for long; it hurt to breathe, and bruises crossed his body like spider webs. If he lost this fight Pearl would head in to tell the other Marines of his win. Then, Usopp and the others would be in even more danger! Chopper knew, without a doubt, one more hit and he was a goner.

Suffice to say, he'd had better fights.

-_Wow, backed into a corner there. While I think of a plausible way Chopper __could__ win this, here's some Sanji :D (note: I don't make this up as I write at all...)_-

Sanji lashed out with his leg, aiming right for the glassy, shining patch he'd melted earlier. If Crocodile's body really had become glass, it was the most obvious weak point he'd ever seen since he played Conker's Bad Fur day on Nintendo 64 (Seriously, there was a big red button on his back, and he moved slowly; how patronizing could they make it? Ahem).

Re-focusing on the battle, his leg swept right at Crocodile, only to stop. Eyes widening with surprise, he saw the attack had been blocked by a muscled arm.

"How-" Sanji managed, before Crocodile threw him back. Hands out, he flipped and landed safely, eyeing the man.

"Hah!" Crocodile laughed at him, "It always surprises people when I block an attack. What a fool you are!" Sanji cursed inwardly; he _had_ expected his attack to pass right through the man's arm. He'd become accustomed to fighting the sand-user, and hadn't thought of the possibility he could block without turning into sand.

"No problem," he muttered, leaping back towards the scarred man. "All I need is one good hit!" he yelled, darting to Crocodile's side. He circled his foe, briefly confusing him as to where the attack would come from, before leaping into the air, kicking out with _both_ feet at different points of his body!

Crocodile's arm was up in time to guard, but the second kick struck his torso, near the glassy skin. The skin gave way under his business shoe. The scarred man winced in pain, unused to the feeling after so long relying on his powers, though he stood his ground. Sanji smirked, before his jaw dropped down in confusion.

Despite his pain, Crocodile had managed to turn his arm and torso into sand at the moment of impact, both of Sanji's feet sinking _into_ his body! Sanji was helplessly stuck, unable to move his legs from his opponent's body, his body standing on a right angle from his Crocodile!

"Let's see how much of a man you really are!" yelled Crocodile, fist slamming forward in between Sanji's spread-apart legs. He had time to wince and curse his fate before Crocodile let the sand effect go, letting the blonde hit the floor where he curled into a ball.

Over by the side of the warehouse Iceberg winced in sympathy, while Robin covered her eyes with her hands, which sprouted more eyes to look on, which her next pair of hands covered, which sprouted more eyes themselves. She couldn't bear to watch this, but couldn't take her eyes off the scene- it was like watching a trainwreck, or reading this fanfic.

Sanji fell to the ground, surprisingly unhurt. He had just enough time to wonder why he felt nothing before the pain hit him, momentarily causing him to black-out. Eyes rolling back, intense pain -the likes of which no one could ever truly sympathise with until they had felt it themselves -shot through his very being. Sanji howled, his voice echoing through the large space, as every other part of his body went numb and tears gathered in his eyes.

"That," he stuttered as he got up on shaky legs, "was a low-blow, you shitty-!" he fell back to his knees, moaning as a second wave of pain snuck up on him. Crocodile merely laughed, amused by his reaction.

"So, ready to give up yet, kid?" he looked at Robin hungrily, giving Sanji an idea what he was in a hurry for.

"Like hell I am!" he roared, standing back up. Ignoring the pain with every fibre of his being, Sanji spun and twirled, legs alighting once more.

"Diable Jambe!" he roared, a barrage of kicks aimed right at Crocodile. The scarred man dodged them, riding up to safety as his feet turned into sand. Sanji leapt after him, a high-kick snapping above his head and caught Crocodile, causing the man's right knee and leg to melt into glass as they collided in mid-air.

Sanji landed heavily on one knee, exhausted. Shit . . . he wasn't sure if he could use that move again with how much it took out of him. Crocodile landed away from him, glaring furiously. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Sanji doubled over in a dead faint.

Iceberg –who had been watching intently- frowned. "Don't tell me you used your hook on the boy just now?"

"It was dragging on; I don't see why not, old man," grunted Crocodile.

"The name's Vanilla Iceberg, thug," growled Iceberg. "As in, 'cool as ice'." Crocodile groaned, not appreciating the pun.

"You mean you just want people to think of Vanilla Ice, the rapper, when they think of you. Idiot."

"It's a fitting name," denied Vanilla Iceberg in a completely serious tone. "I deal with 'ice' the drug, and never melt under pressure. Unlike you," he mentioned, glancing scathingly at Crocodile's glassy skin.

"Shut up!" Crocodile yelled, suddenly defensive. Robin watched this exchange in shock, wondering if she herself was on drugs. Weren't they serious just a second ago?

Looking towards Sanji, she saw him struggling up, a hand clutching his chest. A rip in his suit showed a cut, one dripping with a liquid of some kind. He must have sunk his hook into Sanji, so fast she couldn't catch it. They'd tumbled in the air for barely a single second when he kicked, but they were both quick enough to attack in that time.

"Robin! Hurry up and come back to the ship with me!" yelled Sanji, voice emotional. "I can't!" she turned away from him, voice hoarse with emotion.

"Why not?" he asked, confidently turning towards Crocodile once more. "This guy's as good as defeated, you can count on me!"

"Big words, brat. I doubt you could take on his pet mouse," snorted Crocodile, indicating Vanilla Iceberg with his thumb.

"This really is dragging out," muttered Vanilla Iceberg. "Hurry up and 'ice' him!"

"You're not helping!" yelled Sanji and Crocodile back, both simultaneously pissed off with the bad pun.

"Anyway," Crocodile turned back towards Sanji, "this fight really is over. Do you know what my hook just did to you then? I've injected your body with downers, some product I got off Pimp No Sense-Of-Humour over there. Your body is going to slow, your muscles relaxed; in five minutes you'll have the kicking strength of a jellyfish! Bwahahahaha!" His cloak billowed along with him as his body shook with laughter, the fight already won in his mind.

But Sanji was strangely calm, even for someone just injected with a psychoactive drug. The thing was, he already knew exactly how they worked. He'd used downers before himself many times, to recover from overdoses quicker and lessen the impact of other, more lethal, drugs. Basically any sedative or depressant, he figured Crocodile had given him something powerful enough to stop or slow his heart, which would definitely make fighting a lot harder. It was a pretty common thing to try for someone like him, so he knew exactly how to counter it.

Sanji reached into his suit jacket, pulling out a joint. Vanilla Iceberg watched with sudden interest, as the blonde breathed in deeply, as much as he could.

"Enjoying your last moment, huh?" Crocodile laughed. "Not that I blame you!"

"You don't realise, do you?" asked Vanilla Iceberg in an impressed tone.

"Realise what?"

"He's getting wet," he said admiringly. "With what he bought off me just this day! Oh my, that is the icing on the cake!" He began to chuckle.

"Getting wet? Explain right now!" snarled Crocodile, his anger at Vanilla Iceberg (and his latest pun) distracting him from Sanji, who had nearly finished his joint.

"You don't know? You haven't been a gangster for long, have you? I bet you're just hired help he picked up a few months ago," Sanji smiled at him.

"Phenylcyclohexyl-piperidine, PCP or Angel Dust for short. 'Getting wet' is what we call it when you smoke PCP, when a cigarette is dipped in the stuff at some point." He took a step forward, eyes noticeably bloodshot. "One of the effects of PCP works like a painkiller." He flexed forward, moving as if unhurt, walking towards Crocodile confidently now.

"While it's unconfirmed, people say you get increased strength and rage when under PCP, and even delusional!" he yelled as he kicked out at Crocodile, who barely guarded his glassy weak-point in time. "Or even aggressive!" he kicked out again, forcing Crocodile to duck and turn into sand, in order to avoid the strike. The sand-user's hook materialised in the air, swiping down towards Sanji's neck.

The chef leant to the side, avoiding it with ease. Sanji's leg lashed out once again, catching Crocodile in his melted knee, causing him to hiss with pain as he fell to one leg. Sanji continued his assault, kicking him again while he was down, sending Crocodile flying across the bare room.

"How. . . ?"

"It also works against downers!" yelled Sanji, as Crocodile slammed into the wall, the steel beams above them wobbling dangerously with the impact. The curly eye-browed cook took another step forward, cocky.

Robin watched in amazement, as Sanji almost instantly turned the tide of the battle.

"PCP is an upper?" she asked.

"Not quite, my plaything." Vanilla Iceberg's cold gaze met hers, as he turned to address her. "PCP is neither an upper nor a downer; rather, it leaves the mind void and blank, with drastic, mind-altering effects. He's obviously had enough to overpower whatever Crocodile used on him though. What an interesting man," he smiled to himself.

Robin listened in horror, as the man next to her continued.

"Of course, he's hiding it rather well, but the side effects are already starting to take their toll. I doubt he can concentrate or see clearly at this point. How much do you think he took?" She knew Vanilla Iceberg well, and was afraid of that look on his face, no matter how conversational he seemed. That was the expression he used when he was incredibly mad. But, as always, he never showed it directly. He would have seemed calm to anyone else, but she knew; whoever faced his wrath would wish they were dead. He was one pimp you never crossed and lived to tell of it. And right now he was watching Sanji-the boy who had just interrupted his discussion, tried to steal back Robin, and seriously injured one of his goons- very closely.

Crocodile struggled up, pissed off to the core, his body burning with pain.

"I'll show you what happens when upstarts get full of themselves!" he roared, a tornado of sand streaming along his body. Robin was forcibly dragged by Vanilla Iceberg to the corner of the room, as wind, dirt and sand tore across the warehouse. Sanji pulled his hand across his eyes, trying to see through the storm.

High above them the loose iron roof flew off, making a horrible screeching noise as it gave way. The wind grew even more intense with the open air, causing a few pieces of broken machinery to fly up into the storm.

"I'll make you suffer!" Crocodile roared, the sandstorm slowly circling towards Sanji. "Your body won't even look human when I'm done with it!"

Sanji shook his head to fight off a wave of dizziness. Vanilla Iceberg was right; the side effects were starting to kick in. Crocodile stood motionless at the centre of the storm; it was now or never. Running towards Crocodile through the waves of sand, Sanji moved faster then ever before, legs alighting with his signature attack.

"Diable Jambe: Anti-Manner Kick Course!" he yelled, leaping right into the heart of the storm.

A 180-degree vertical kick sliced upward, _through_ Crocodile, before he had time to lay a hand on the chef. His entire body turned to glass, sand particles scattering around them.

And just like that, it was over.

The sand died down instantly, replaced with the light rain from above, the roof having been blown clean off during the storm. Sanji kneeled over the clear man that had been his foe just moments before. Unlike before, the kick had travelled right through Crocodile, turning all of the man's internal organs into glass. His entire body shined, like a sculpture.

"My my," Vanilla Iceberg slow-clapped Sanji, with a smile. "He looks just like an ice sculpture now, doesn't he?" Sanji cursed inwardly; though he had thought the same thing, hearing Vanilla Iceberg say it out loud pissed him off. There was just something about this man that he didn't quite like.

"You could kill him, you know. Based on his abilities, he'll stay like glass for a few days at least, I'd wager. Far better to smash him now, while you have the chance."

"I'm not going to kill him," wheezed Sanji. "We'll be gone by then, anyway. _Including_ Robin."

Vanilla Iceberg raised his eyebrow at this. Robin shivered next to him in the rain, but made no effort to move.

"Robin! Are you going to help me beat this one, are you just gonna watch some more?" Sanji took an uneasy step towards the two, trying to ignore the delusions in the corners of his vision. Some of them were really messed up, although a few of the delusions were nice he had to admit.

"Sanji . . ." Robin looked down, unable to meet his eyes. "I ain't going back. I can't."

"Suit yourself," Sanji muttered. He didn't care about the story behind all this, Robin was his friend, and there was no way he'd walk away after all this. He just had to beat the short-haired guy with the bad puns, and they were outa here. That couldn't be so hard, could it?

"Such sentiments, and for an ice queen like Robin." A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he advanced dangerously towards Sanji.

"If you think you can beat me in that state, then you're even more delusional then I thought."

Sanji merely grunted in response, ready to square off. Whatever happened, he was going to win this. Robin clasped her hands together tightly (all twenty of them) as she watched the fight, afraid of the outcome.

Vanilla Iceberg began to change, his body altering. He was going to use his horrifyingly, terrible devil fruit powers.

-_meanwhile, back outside the Marine headquarters_-

Chopper whirled and spun, ducking under yet another sweeping attack. Pearl seemed to have limitless stamina and energy, but his attacks weren't particularly creative. Chopper leapt over his next swing, landing behind the beast. Quickly he lashed out with his hooves, hitting an unprotected gap under the man's shoulder before leaping away to safety.

Pearl yelled with pain, spun and charged back at Chopper. The doctor escaped up a nearby tree, swinging up branches desperately as he avoided the barrage. His music-obsessed foe followed him up another tree, just as Chopper dropped down, striking him on the way. Pearl seemed hurt, but he wasn't even bleeding; Chopper wasn't sure if his attacks were making any difference at all.

Chopper considered escaping, and trying to meet up with one of the others. That would be the safest and wisest course of action, but something kept him here. Recklessly he rolled next to Pearl and lashed out at the man's legs with his hooves, as he realised what ii was; the Sadistic Point _enjoyed_ the pain. He wanted to hurt Pearl over and over again, until he couldn't move. And not because of the battle.

Chopper shook his head, trying to regain control of his thoughts again. These forms were tricky. He looked up in time to see Pearl ram forward, aiming to head-butt him with the massive orb on his head.

Chopper just had time to raise his hooves to intercept the attack. Yelling, "No!"

"Alternative rooooooock!" Pearl yelled back.

The two met with a mighty clash. Chopper flew from the impact, slamming through a willow tree. Pearl collapsed backwards, body spasming and convulsing on a flower bed.

Chopper raised his head and blinked warily. What the? Groaning as he raised a weary hoof to his head, he realised he'd switched forms again, involuntarily. He was the Masochistic Point again! He must have (finally) unleashed all of that pent-up damage on the already injured Pearl. If it weren't for that, his ramming attack would have been a lot more effective on Chopper, and the doctor would probably be out cold right now.

"I . . . won?" Chopper stretched upwards, wincing when he heard the cracking noise his joints made, but otherwise ignoring it. "I won!" stretching up at the cloudy sky, he couldn't believe his luck. He'd made it, he had helped his friends.

-_meanwhile, inside the base_-

Zoro spun, swords flashing, as she dealt yet another attack. Wanze, the freakish chef of the Marine base, collapsed against a sink, holding his side in a feeble attempt to halt the blood flow.

"Had enough?" Zoro raised one eyebrow, expression bored.

"Never!" cried the white-haired man. Scrabbling to his feet, Wanze looked around the kitchen worriedly. The tiles were coated in sauce and small vegetables -the result of fighting with ramen as a weapon- but he had no noodles left to use. They had all disintegrated, thanks to Zoro's thunder blade, the Jishinkaminarikajioyaji Shigure.

"I'm weapon-less!" he shrieked. Zoro felt a vein burst on her temple; calling noodles a weapon was an insult to all real weapons across the world. She looked down at his grovelling, as Wanze bent down in front of her and started pleading for his life. Were all men this pathetic, or was it just chefs who were so weak? Zoro suppressed a grin at the thought of Sanji begging like that to her.

A mischievous look in Wanze's eyes alerted her to his next move. Thinking he had her lulled into a false sense of security, Wanze flailed his arms out, the noodles hidden in his jacket sleeves pouring out with wet slapping noises. The noodles snaked towards Zoro hungrily, if a noodles movement could be considered hungry.

Zoro effortlessly leaped over the man and the 'surprise' attack, spinning in the air as she did so. For a brief moment in time, as Wanze looked up, he could see her underwear perfectly beneath the green yukata. Eyes dazed, a look of pure happiness across his perverted face, Wanze was too distracted to defend himself at all.

* * *

Sheathing her swords with an exasperated, pained expression, the green-haired pirate calmly walked away from Wanze's smoking body. She concentrated on the sound her geta sandals made as she strode across the kitchen tiles, trying to push all thoughts of that man out of her mind.

As she'd expected, any man who called himself a chef would be hopelessly perverted, even more so then most men. Therein lied the only reason Zoro ever wore feminine outfits such as her yukata; weak-willed opponents were distracted, and lost quicker. It was still better then some of the whore outfits Nami wore, so she kept her dignity and saw nothing wrong with this style of fighting.

Leaving the kitchen -and the recently-electrocuted chef Wanze- without a backward glance, Zoro continued looking for the stairs. Usopp better still be alive after all this . . .

**A/N: DON'T TAKE DRUGS, KIDS. **

**I was up until 6am writing this, I wonder if it shows... An entire chapter without Usopp? The next will be Usopp-orientated, now that most of the other fights are out of the way. Look forward to it~**

**And it's finally done... Sorry for my update times (or lack of), but I'm out of school now, so expect that to improve. I'm trying to have the changes in this dimension actually affect the plot, if that makes sense. So instead of 'haha, he's taking drugs' and 'oh look, Zoro's a girl', I'm making it actually affect what they do and their battles. It's hard to say if it makes for good, unique fight scenes or if it's just lame, so please let me know how I'm going~**

**Also: we're nearly at the 50 review mark! Please leave a review if you want a chance at that free oneshot competition I mentioned. I'll also throw in a free request oneshot for anyone who comes up with a good new summary for me; I'm in the mood for a change again. **

**Also also: a huge thankyou for the beta-work by UnrelentingNightmare, who may never lend me manga again if I don't tell you to check out their stories pronto. I owe you one!**

**-Sorry for such a long author's note ^.^;;**


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